Saddest Realization Yet.

[PhoenixRising15]

All I want is a hug.

I want a hug from 20 years ago from my mother, telling me everything is alright and that I'm not at fault.

I want a hug from my mother now telling me I was taken advantage of again and it's not my fault.

I want a hug from my ex telling me she's sorry and it wasn't my fault.

I will get none of those.

My mother is narcissistic and I have no relationship with her to speak of.

My ex is... .gone... .and incapable of providing the validation I need.

All I want is someone to hug me and tell me its going to be ok.

This is normal, and it's not my fault.

is that such a hard thing to do?  Why is that so hard for people to give?

I know, I know, I've got to love myself now.  I'm an adult and I can give my inner child a hug.

But I want that Fing HUG.  And its never going to come.

:'(

[DreamGirl]

I'm not your Mama or a lover. Just a friend in a little corner of cyberspace. I have a giant hug for you:  



It's all going to be OK.

These feelings, QF?

They are so temporary.

It's a transistion period for you right now. You're in a stage of grieving and it's pulling you into these dark places. I really do get wanting more from people you've loved so much who just don't have the skills to give the kind of love we want back.

It does not mean we do not deserve it.  

You deserve a hug from your Mama. You deserve a fullfilling relationship. You didn't deserve what happened to you.

It's OK to mourn that. Give yourself some room to do that.

Here's another one.

[heartandwhole]

QuestioningFaith,

I hear you.  I definitely feel the same sometimes, in fact, in some ways I'm still looking for that hug from certain people in my life.  I know it hurts, and I think it's a brave step that you are grieving something that you really needed and deserved.  I hope you are being gentle with yourself. 

When all hope is gone, we are finally free. 

We're with you. 

 

[nona]

   



Saddest... .maybe.

You are a treasure.

You are realizing what a treasure you are, always was, and what you have needed all along.

what a beautiful thing.

I think you have connected to a very sacred part of yourself, nourish it.

left arm around right shoulder, right arm around left shoulder, until someone who can truly treasure you comes along.

 

[Rose Tiger]

I'm so sorry you are hurting.    Do you have a dog?  Dogs are so great at unconditional love and comfort.  Good therapy.  Hang in there!

[Century2012]

I haven't spoken to my room mate about my b/u with the BPD. Mainly because my room mate thinks my ex is a loser. Which he is. But roomie knows I am hurting.

Sometimes I just ask him for a hug. He gives me one without asking why. Your friends do care.

And as far as mom goes, my mother flip flopped like crazy. Still does. So I never know if I am going to get a "get over it" comment or some genuine empathy.

   

[dharmagems]

Dear QF-



I too have a NPD/abusive mother and recovering my life after the divorce of my xBPDh.  Please know you're not alone.

I know completely what you're going through.  I still have a business with my mom, and to recover finacially, and have to stay in a bit of contact.  Childhood wombs are raw and I am still processing.  When I was in the midst of the hardest PSTD, I was urging for a surrogate mother to coo me and hold me, just like my xBPDh used to do.  Well, I still have to ride it out without my x and my biological mother.  My therapist told me I shouldn't look for that in anyone, I must learn to be my own mother.  I was dumbstruck because all my life I was looking for that in a partner or a friend.  Well, now the reality is sinking in, all I could do to survive nowadays, and I'm still learning, is sometimes coo myself.

Dear friend, it doesn't have to be so hard.  What you're going through is so hard enough.  You're not alone.  We're here breathing through life with you.   

[PhoenixRising15]

Thank you all for your overwhelming support.

As to truly giving myself a hug, the last time I did that was 15 years ago and I was screamed at for it.

Most days I say, man I am so blessed.  And I am.  truly.

And some things that have happened would make most anyone cringe.

Perhaps thats not so different from anyone anywhere else.  That's probably the most confusing part.

Either way, thank you, and I will hug myself.  First, just visualization of hugging my inner child.

Then I think I can build the strength and courage to wrap my arms around myself without balling.

Painful memories these are.

This too shall pass.

[peas]

I just came across this thread and it's a week old, but it's never too late for a 

I know that feeling of needing a tender touch. A connection with compassion. I could use a hug too. I'm so wounded emotionally in my life right now, I turned to coping mechanism that I never would have conceived before: There is a statue of a prehistoric animal at the local museum and something about it draws me to it, and right after the BPD b/u I started imagining that statue coming to life and being my friend. In my darkest moments she (I assigned it a gender and a name) walks with me. She doesn't judge. She lets me feel whatever I'm feeling at the moment and just stands over me like a big, caring, powerful protector. 

[ucmeicu2]

I know, I know, I've got to love myself now.  I'm an adult and I can give my inner child a hug.

But I want that Fing HUG.  And its never going to come.

:'(

i would say... .don't underestimate your adult child giving your inner child a hug.  or even simply your adult self hugging your adult self.  literally.  i have missed the tender affection of my xBPDgf so much that i recently started hugging myself.  felt weird at first, but once i got past that it felt pretty darn nice... .healing.  i hope you are able to find some healing, too.