Do I contact my BPDex since he gave me an STD?

[cooper8675]

Last week when I posted about breaking my NC and it turned out awful and I slept with him.  He of course lied about the fact that he hadn't slept with someone else and now I have an STD related infection. I don’t know what it is just yet the doctor is took a sample and is running tests.

Do I inform him or just let it go? Of course I'm pissed and in a normal circumstance I would call my ex and tell them but this is NOT normal.  He is verbally abusive and irrational with things he doesn’t like or doesn’t want to hear. I don't know what he will do or how he will respond.  I am afraid... .I'm in a fragile state and would prefer not to. HELP!   

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Cooper, Why not postpone the decision until after the test results come back?  Lucky Jim

[cooper8675]

Thanks lucky Jim,  I wasn't planning on it until I had full information. Just didn't know what to do once I get there.  I should know tomorrow.

[Lady31]

Well you know how he WON'T respond.  He is not going to say:  "Yes, I lied to you, I had slept with someone(s) else.  I'm so sorry I deceived you it was wrong of me.  I know that you having this problem now is my fault, I am so sorry.  What can I do to help?"

Most likely he will go irate, distract, say you are lying, whatever he can to avoid the accusation of him being a "bad person" by lying to you and giving you and STD!  I don't care who you are, BPD or not, giving someone else an STD in my mind would be a hard thing to own and admit.  I don't have BPD and I would feel twisted up about having to "own" something like that if someone called me up and said that - so you can bet HE probably will not be able to.

You won't get anything out of it but a huge fight where you will be painted blacker than black.  AND THEN... .

He will probably start going around saying YOU gave HIM an STD!  Why?  Because the shame of this will weigh on him and then he will start thinking you are telling OTHER people about it (OH NO - she's EXPOSING me!) and he will have to come up with something in his mind to start doing damage control for his reputation and fragile image he so carefully presents to outsiders.  

On a final note - I hope you are okay and all turns out fine getting this taken care of.  I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

[bpdspell]

Cooper,

It really depends on the nature of why you're contacting him.

Are you contacting him to lambast him or are you contacting him so that he can be mindful about spreading an STD?

I'm so sorry that a recycle ended with compromising your health.

They cannot be trusted. Ever.

A person with BPD has an unstable sense of self and they are very impulsive; this includes unprotected sex. It's all about the moment for them.

Like Lady 31 mentioned; he won't own up with accountability. He'll more than likely project his shame and blame you for something that "he" did.

Catching an STD is betrayal; it's betrayal by them and betrayal to ourselves. It sucks and it hurts but it's a powerful lesson learned. We cannot hand over our well being to a person who has a history of treating us in painfully inconsiderate ways.

No one on here can tell you how to go about informing him... .trust your heart... .but cut the cord for good.

Spell

[MammaMia]

No.  Unless you tell him to get tested.  Then go NC forever.

[cooper8675]

Thanks lady31, spell, and MammaMia

I have no interest in talking to him.  My last encounter with him has actually done the trick... .at least for now. I am still having all the same feelings as when I did contact him but it was just so humiliating and even worse now with this. 

I'm going to let it go... .he already bad mouths me... we work for the same employer but different work sites.  I don't ever have to see him, but information has come my way.  I have asked people not to tell me what he is saying or doing or anything!  And yes spell never ever trust him again no matter what he says or how he says it.

This was a very serious and hard lesson.  Not one I need to learn again.

[SweetCharlotte]

If you both work for the same employer, that clinches it. I wouldn't breathe a word to him about your unfortunate condition. The consequences could be much more long-lasting than the ailment itself.

Just take care of yourself and get it treated.