3 years on, and struggling with low self esteem & depression- need advice

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I first came on this board in Feb2010 , because at that time i was trying desperately to understand what had just happened to me and my family;during a period of 3 years consisting of courtship, and not living together until marriage , I provided my 3 children(who were then 16, 13, and 10)with the stepfather from hell, and myself with a husband who changed overnight the minute we married! Using this site, back then, i realised that i had made a terrible mistake and that my h was NBPD(with psycotic episodes)... .so 3 yrs and 10month down the line and i am still struggling, but in a different way, I have worked hard a rebuilding my life and my childrens as much as i can, and now i am beginning to think i am suffering from depression because i struggle to do my work, i can spend a whole day in front of a computor and achieving very little. I am a youth worker and unless i am actually working with youth, i grind to a halt, ie with the admin ! and within my work i avoid things and people and situations and am managing to get away with it, for now, but i really feel a failure. I am trying to figure out if i just cant do the job ( i got the job after we split up).  Is there anyone out there who can help me figure this out ! i did a self assesment on depression and scored quiet highly, and 1 question that jumped out was 'does it take great effort to do simple things' and ' do i do things slowly'... .the answers were yes and yes ! what can i do, should i leave my work and let someone else do the job better than me, there is also someone i work with that i struggle with, and he is really organised and on the ball but he doesnt really listen to me, and i just let it go every time. ... .any words of encouragement !

[wayforward2day]

I first came on this board in Feb2010 , because at that time i was trying desperately to understand what had just happened to me and my family;during a period of 3 years consisting of courtship, and not living together until marriage , I provided my 3 children(who were then 16, 13, and 10)with the stepfather from hell, and myself with a husband who changed overnight the minute we married! Using this site, back then, i realised that i had made a terrible mistake and that my h was NBPD(with psycotic episodes)... .so 3 yrs and 10month down the line and i am still struggling, but in a different way, I have worked hard a rebuilding my life and my childrens as much as i can, and now i am beginning to think i am suffering from depression because i struggle to do my work, i can spend a whole day in front of a computor and achieving very little. I am a youth worker and unless i am actually working with youth, i grind to a halt, ie with the admin ! and within my work i avoid things and people and situations and am managing to get away with it, for now, but i really feel a failure. I am trying to figure out if i just cant do the job ( i got the job after we split up).  Is there anyone out there who can help me figure this out ! i did a self assesment on depression and scored quiet highly, and 1 question that jumped out was 'does it take great effort to do simple things' and ' do i do things slowly'... .the answers were yes and yes ! what can i do, should i leave my work and let someone else do the job better than me, there is also someone i work with that i struggle with, and he is really organised and on the ball but he doesnt really listen to me, and i just let it go every time. ... .any words of encouragement !

[Surnia]

Hi wayforward

So sorry to hear this! Dealing with depression is a challenge. 

I think it is great that you are realizing it. This is a important first step.

My first spontaneous thought was: Keep your job and add T sessions with a good T! He/she can help you through.

What do you think about it?

[musicfan42]

Hi wayforward2day,

Your feelings are understandable-you've been through a lot of stress and upheaval.    

It's great that you've done your best to rebuild your life and your children's lives.

It's good that you did a test to see whether you have depression or not. I think it would be a good idea for you to go to your doctor-he/she will be able to discuss your treatment options with you. I've had depression before so I know that depression is very treatable. You mention that you're having trouble concentrating at work. Issues with concentration is a symptom of depression. An anti-depressant will help deal with that as well as help you function throughout the day, get a good night's sleep, get your appetite back to normal (some people lose their appetite with depression whereas others overeat... everyone's different). Your doctor will also refer you onto therapy-this is good to provide support as well as deal with any issues you may be experiencing. CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is great for depression. If you can't access to therapy, then there's a reputable website called "Living Life To The full" which is based on CBT www.llttf.com/  Obviously going to therapy is your best option however there are other self-help options out there like that website as well. There's a CBT book that I've heard is very user friendly called "Mind Over Mood" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky.

You mention that your work colleague doesn't listen to what you have to say. There's an assertive technique featured here on the forum called ":)EARMAN" and it's in the workshop section of the website. Read through that thread and if you have any questions, then just ask... Keep your job! Don't let this co-worker undermine you-you're capable of doing your job!

You mention that your co-worker is very organised-you can beat him at his own game there by getting really organised yourself! haha But first of all, get yourself to the doctor-get the depression treated and then deal with the co-worker issue.

[PhoenixRising15]

Hi wayforward,

It seems this is a very troubling time for you, and I'm sad for that.

One thing that helped me was affirmations.  It's not a quick fix, but rather it helps me set myself straight.

I have a friend and once per day we check in with each other.  Just a quick "I" statement that describes something positive about me.  Then, in those dark moments, where my thoughts spiral away, I try to pick out one event or day that corresponds to those statements.

Per the job, sitting in front of a computer is quite isolating.  Do you have a boss that you can discuss the situation with and ask to spend more time around people for the time being?

And I second, or third, the reccomendation to see an MD and get prescribed an antidepressant.  They do work wonders.

[wayforward2day]

thank you all for your help ! i have only just got back on to read your replies... .i'm glad you all said 'keep your job'! thats what i did ! I havent sought T , but my sister has been on tap for me and we kinda do the positive affirmation for each other. I am still shying away from anti dep cos i hate the idea and i did go to a doctor but she was so vague about it, i have never been on this before and am hesitant.

Thanks for all the advice or resources etc i am going to check it out.