let me go straight

[twojaybirds]

So in physics I learned that if some outside force is forcing an object to go in a circular motion, if the force were to be removed the object would go straight. My life rite now, I feel as if I'm in a circular motion, I need these outside forces to get up offa me and let me go STRAIGHT!

I need to get back on track.


my dd posted this on her fb the other day.  I wish she could know she could take control of those forces and stop going in circular motions.  She is in denial of all her behaviors... blaming others IOW no therapy in sight for her right now. 

She cut off our communication a few weeks ago (again).  I always give her that respect and actually enjoy the space, as she always returns when her emotional pain is to great. 

It just saddens me she can be soo close to knowing what she needs but can't take that last step to see a p

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

Let's hope for your dd that she will get tired of going round and round and reach out for help... .

[js friend]

Its pretty good that your dd sees that she is going round and round in circles, tjb.Hopefully your dd will also work out cause and effect too through her classes

I know my dd knows she is going round and round in circles too,but she isnt at the stage of admiting it yet to us that is. I have known her to only admit  her mistakes to on off b/f though so he will give her another chance, but to anyone else... .no never. It must be pretty hard for our ds's/ds's  to stop blaming others and take responsiblity.So much easier to look at others than within I guess.Maybe too painful for them too... .but isnt that the next step to recovery... .

I hope your dd gets there tjb. Never give up hope.

Only A few ago weeks ago dd came over with gd and forgot her bottles ... .and who did she blame... .? Oh, GD was to blame of course!

How can anyone blame a baby... .I dont get it, but to dd its simple. GD  she was crying before they left out and SHE made her forget the bottles. She wouldnt have it any other way To her GD was totally at fault.

 *Sigh*.

[Reality]

Twojaybirds,

Mentalization is very helpful for these conversations and situations.  Be curious.  What does your daughter mean by going around in circles?  How does it feel?  What starts the circling?  Is it the weather?  Is it stress?  How long does it last?  Has she ever experienced a situation where the circling slows?  :)oes talking to someone help?  What kind of person? Is it their tone of voice?  Is it their body language?  

j'sfriend,

Mentalization again.  What do you mean by blaming?  In a way, your daughter is right.  If the baby hadn't cried, your daughter would definitely have been able to think more clearly.  An opportunity to mentalize.  Oh!  How were you feeling when the baby was crying?  That is understandable that you couldn't think clearly.   It is very difficult for a mother to hear a baby crying.  Very distressing, isn't it?  Especially when you are trying to get ready to leave.  Mothers are hard-wired to respond quickly to crying.  It causes us distress.  I understand totally what you mean.  

Your daughter is trying to make sense of who she is and how she reacts and manages.  She has realized that she doesn't think clearly because of the baby's distress.  A big step, expressed very primitively, yes; but recognition and expression nonetheless.  

People with BPD have trouble using cognition in everyday situations.  As Blaise Aguirre says, they are often brilliant intellects and philosophers; however, they can't figure themselves and others out in normal daily situations, which are so straightforward for the rest of the world.  They sound like they mean one thing, yet they are often looking at a situation in a different way, yet using words that we think we understand.  There is always a kernel of truth to what a person with BPD is saying.  Often, their thinking is more complex and rich and no-one has the time to ask them exactly what they mean.  

They also need community to regulate themselves.  That is why residential stays with compassionate, helpful people work so well for them.  Just talking with one person can be that community.

Ramblings

Reality