What has made the greatest impact in court?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

SO has found a new L, one that is experienced with high conflict cases. YAY! We paid the retainer so should be getting going again soon.

I suppose the first step will be mediation. Then, since BPDs can't compromise, off to court... .

I'm helping SO collect and organize evidence (e-mails and such). What do you feel has been your best evidence in court? I want to know where to focus our efforts.

The judge is roman-catholic and in a conservative county, so I'm really worried that the odds are stacked against us to begin with.

[Thunderstruck]

SO has found a new L, one that is experienced with high conflict cases. YAY! We paid the retainer so should be getting going again soon.

I suppose the first step will be mediation. Then, since BPDs can't compromise, off to court... .

I'm helping SO collect and organize evidence (e-mails and such). What do you feel has been your best evidence in court? I want to know where to focus our efforts.

The judge is roman-catholic and in a conservative county, so I'm really worried that the odds are stacked against us to begin with.

[ForeverDad]

As much as possible keep the case moving in court.  If ex wants to delay, claiming forthcoming offers, etc, say, "Sure, send it but the case moves forward."  Courts do grant continuances

Mediation... .Odds are nothing will be agreed upon but you have to show you at least tried, just don't waste too much time there.  Some states allow lawyers there, others don't.  If SO has to contact you or his lawyer during the sessions, he can take a break and call from the restroom or from outside. Rules in each state are different.  My state was all or nothing, so I walked out with nothing agreed.  Others may allow financials and custody to be split.  Obviously in such situations you don't make a generous financial settlement if custody is still undecided.

Offers are conditional, that is, if they refuse or ignore it, then it is withdrawn.  Place an expiration date on all offers.  Ex shouldn't have any power to claim later, "But you offered X, Y and Z before, now I want it!"

Be aware that bouncing offers back and forth endlessly can also be a way the other parent uses to delay the case.  That's why you keep a hearing pending on the docket.  Any cancellation or continuance will most likely delay the case by at least a month or two.  You can't avoid all continuances but try to keep them to a minimum.  After the first time or two the judge should get peeved at the one dragging his/her heels.

The other parent will likely try to obstruct, delay and sabotage.  Be prepared.

The issues are different at each stage of a case, as I see it.  Initially for the first temp order, the judge doesn't have much time and wants to set a simple, standard order.  Mine was decided upon who worked outside the home (me).  Didn't matter that ex was blocked from the house due to my TPO from another court, she got to cart son off to a shelter until she eventually got an apartment.  The fact that she was facing a Threat of DV case was ignored by my family court.  An sad example where adult behaviors are not seen as affecting parenting behaviors.

Later the courts defer to evaluations.  Sometimes a settlement happens, as mine did, just before a big trial or hearing.

Try to get multiple issues addressed, prioritize them so you don't run out of time with the big issues still not addressed.

[Thunderstruck]

I should mention that it's a paternity case, not a divorce.

[DreamGirl]

For my own custody dispute, my son's therapist was what/who made the greatest impact I think.

I trusted her to make a good assessment as far as what was best for my son - and I truly believed that she did that and testified on his behalf. It cost me a lot of money, none of which he was responsible for, but I'd do it all over again.

The Judge referenced her testimony a lot when he made his final decision.

I hand picked her myself after a lot of research, not based on if she could help my case but based on her being respected in the mental health and legal fields. I had faith in her making the decision that she did (that I retain full custody) but I would have trusted had her recommendation been different.  

I had a really good lawyer too.

His father being dramatic and completely unreasonable didn't hurt matters. I tried to remain as grounded as possible as often as possible which can be really tough when you're in the trenches.

I also knew my stuff. I expected my lawyer to explain it every step of the way. Even if he charged me for every email and every phone call.

Mediation was also a big waste of time - with the mediator letting my lawyer and me know that "he's not really understanding that what he's asking for isn't even possible".  She shook her head and accepted my payment with an "I'm sorry". It was all just a stepping stone showing that I was willing to negotiate and he 100% was not... .

I still went prepared though. You just never know. Expect that it won't, but hope that it will.

Good luck.  

[livednlearned]

I should mention that it's a paternity case, not a divorce.

Meaning, custody only?

[Thunderstruck]

I should mention that it's a paternity case, not a divorce.

Meaning, custody only?

Yes, only custody. They were never married.

[livednlearned]

What do you feel has been your best evidence in court? I want to know where to focus our efforts.

I think the courts trust third-party professionals the most (GALs, PCs, psychologists, cops, etc.)

I'd add to that depositions and the testimony laid down during that, plus cross-examination of that testimony in court

Then they trust emails and text messages.

Then audio/visual --(they may trust it, but then there's some tricky stuff about verifying that the recordings are admissible and authentic).

That's been my experience. If you don't have third-party professionals involved, then collect what you can in email.