How to support my daughter with BPD

[Tesse]

Dear reader. I m a mother of an adolescent daughter who has just been diagnosed with BPD   

Do you have advice or suggestions on the do's and dont's as a mother/parent?  It is confusing what to do because she is still in puberty and also suffers from dyslexia with some symptoms of hyperactivity. I don't know anymore when to be strict or compassionate or angry. Etc.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

Tesse,

  I am so glad that you found our site.  The teen years are difficult enough without BPD.  The good news is that you have a diagnosis while she is young.   We have a wealth of information about BPD.   I would like to share some links with you:  Family Guidelines

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it   I have learned that validation really works!

Also, please read the articles on the home page and there are some resource links, too.

A parent's greatest wish is for their child, whatever their age, to be healthy and happy. When a child suffers from BPD, often not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness severely affects everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. Most parents search desperately for answers, and try all the gimmicks that popular culture tells us should work - only to face even more severe rages and acting out behavior.

There are answers though, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you reach those goals. There are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better.

I invite you to join us on the parents board.  Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board

I am the mother of an adult daughter, and I highly suspect that she has BPD.  I wish that I would have had a diagnosis when she was younger.  Now, her treatment is out of my hands.  However, the parents board and other resources suggested from BPD Family have helped me immensely.  You will find that we understand here.

I hope to see you on the parents board.

peaceplease

[qcarolr]

  Tesse

Welcome to the parenting our BPD kids board. There is a lot here that can help you find your way. The BPD Family Connections links to the right will give you the tools and skills, the other parents here can give you the love and support you need. It is a lot to take in.

May I ask how old your D is? If you feel comfortable sharing more of your story, this will help us guide you in where to start. The LESSONS might be good to give you more knowledge about the BPD traits your D is stuggling most with.

I am mom to my BPDDD27 and to my gd8 that dh and I are raising. A very complex story. So wish this info had been there when my DD was young. I did all I knew to do. Things are seeming to turn a corner very recently toward her taking more responsibility for her life issues, and for me to step out of her way. My gd8 is struggling in 3rd grade and is getting resource services under an IEP this year. My DD also had troubles starting at a young age - learning disability, emotional issues, attachment issues... .

Each of our kids are unique and complex. Hope we can help you find what you need for today.

qcr

[Tesse]

Thanks dear responder. My daughter is almost 17 years old. A complex story too. SevereDyslexia diagnosed since one year.  Her biological father disappeared for 6 years then reappeared one year ago for 2 weeks n was murdered before she ever could send a photo of herself. And now BPD diagnosed by experts from hospital. Plus puberty. All very confusing with mixed of dyslexia/ADHA, mourning over loss if her biological father, the usual portion of adolescence behavior n BPD. Feel sort of complete loss on how we need to deal with her whilst she get psychotherapy. 

May I ask you, what do your abbreviations mean in your text? Sorry for my ignorance. 

[qcarolr]

Click on this blue link and see the #1 post for a list of the acronyms we use. This helps us share and maintain confidentiality.

qcr

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=26601.140#lastPost

DD = dear daughter

DH = dear husband

GD = granddaughter

number following shows current age of person

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Tesse & I'd like to join peaceplease and qcarolr in welcoming you to this site. They both have some great information for you, and when you get the chance to check out the links in blue that peaceplease gave you, and the links to the right-hand margin of this page mentioned by qcarolr, I believe you will find a great deal of help.

Here is the link to find out what all the abbreviations mean: Abbreviations & Glossary... .I agree, it can sometimes get confusing! I've been here for 6 months, and sometimes even I get confused! Please don't feel bad about that, Tesse... .

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter's father; that must have been very traumatic for her and is so sad. I believe you mentioned that she will be getting psychotherapy? That is a wonderful thing; is Dialectical Behavior Therapy part of that? If so, that will be a great help for her; it's something that is recommended for people with BPD.

While she will be in therapy, if you do the reading suggested (by clicking the links given in the first post to you, and then one by one the links to the right side of this page), then you will learn how to deal with her... .You can learn about what she is feeling and how her mind is working, and that will help you understand her better. Then, when you learn about Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it and how to use the TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth, you will find that you can change the way you communicate with her. When you do that, and stop pushing every one of her buttons, she will then react differently to you, making things better.

Please keep telling your story and asking your questions, and read all you can; it really will help! We are here for you, Tesse... .