recommend any reading for young adult children of pwPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have co-parented with an uASPD/BPD/NPD for the past 19 years.  The oldest D19 joined the military to escape from the dysfunction (although she might not quite see it in that context) and S18 is getting ready to graduate from high school. 

Although we were awarded joint physical/legal custody of the children, through parental alienation and emotional/psychological enmeshment both kids ended up living primarily with their father for the last couple years of high school.  They are starting to realize that their father and step mother's behavior is not right, but don't really understand.  I never said things like :your dad is crazy", choosing to pad my language:'Your dad and I just couldn't be healthy living together""Your father and I have different parenting styles", etc- you get the idea. 

Last time D19 was home on leave her father and step-mom completely dysregulated- using too much alcohol, staying up all night, ending up having D19 be their therapist and confidant (super weird and icky) until the situation blew up and their dad moved out of the house into his office and refused to come home until after D19 had to go back to her naval base.  Text book BPD behavior, making D19 come to his office to spend time with her- even on her last night in town.  He couldn't hold it together.

I would like to send D19 some reading- since she has been stationed far away from family, now might be a really good time to introduce the idea that there is mental illness in her family- especially since she struggles with depression, eating disorder, and cutting.  The military provides her enough framework that she doesn't spin too far out.  I would also like to eventually have readings for S18 also- he is more like me in his temperament.  Peaceful, non-confrontational, go with the flow. 

Does anyone out there have any suggestions for them?  Thanks!

[starshine]

I have co-parented with an uASPD/BPD/NPD for the past 19 years.  The oldest D19 joined the military to escape from the dysfunction (although she might not quite see it in that context) and S18 is getting ready to graduate from high school. 

Although we were awarded joint physical/legal custody of the children, through parental alienation and emotional/psychological enmeshment both kids ended up living primarily with their father for the last couple years of high school.  They are starting to realize that their father and step mother's behavior is not right, but don't really understand.  I never said things like :your dad is crazy", choosing to pad my language:'Your dad and I just couldn't be healthy living together""Your father and I have different parenting styles", etc- you get the idea. 

Last time D19 was home on leave her father and step-mom completely dysregulated- using too much alcohol, staying up all night, ending up having D19 be their therapist and confidant (super weird and icky) until the situation blew up and their dad moved out of the house into his office and refused to come home until after D19 had to go back to her naval base.  Text book BPD behavior, making D19 come to his office to spend time with her- even on her last night in town.  He couldn't hold it together.

I would like to send D19 some reading- since she has been stationed far away from family, now might be a really good time to introduce the idea that there is mental illness in her family- especially since she struggles with depression, eating disorder, and cutting.  The military provides her enough framework that she doesn't spin too far out.  I would also like to eventually have readings for S18 also- he is more like me in his temperament.  Peaceful, non-confrontational, go with the flow. 

Does anyone out there have any suggestions for them?  Thanks!

[DreamGirl]

Where is she at as far as awareness?

Do you want to give her a specific book that addresses a BPD parent?

Or more about self healing for her?

[starshine]

Both of my kids realize that there is something not right with their dad.  I am not sure if they realize that he has a mental illness- they have not said those exact words, but I do believe they are putting together some of the signs.  I think books that address both of those angles would be helpful in a holistic way.  Awareness of what has been going on paired with techniques to assist in personal growth and healing sounds like a winning combo.  Thanks!