Who am I? A mid-life woman bringing the best of me as grandma and mom

[qcarolr]

I am figuring out how to be me - feeling whole and autonomous AND CONNECTED. At this moment I can bring value to my r/s with my gd8 as a commited, emotionally regulated parent. At this moment I can bring value to my r/s with my BPDDD27 by practicing skills of awareness and acceptance. I am able to detach from her life problems and love her in healthier ways. Stay out of the way of the resources that are now in her face daily. At this moment I can bring value to my r/s with my dh, who lets me know he is here for me in new ways every day -- and I am able to be open to this again.

I came across a book today that I read a couple years ago. Reading parts of it this morning, I realize that several of the stories and affirmations pop up in my mind came from this book. "When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us", Jane Adams, PHD.  About being a good grandma and how this looks different in each unique situation. Striving to detach with love from DD27, and how variable my success in this has been over her early adulthood. How important it is to begin the needed work on myself as I move into my own later adulthood. While I balance being the grammy/mommy for gd8.

This all sounds good. Today I am feeling good about my goals. THey have not changed since I wrote these in Nov. 2009. They are listed in order of priority, yet are very intertwined.

1. Raise gd in a heathy environment. One that can bring her the safety and security she needs to build r/s in her life - home, neighborhood, school... .

2. Live a peaceful life. Keep my marriage strong. Build my own support network to be a more autonomous person as this will lead to having more to add to this r/s. Encouraging dh in his growth as a more autonomous person as this is being more to our r/s.

3. Help DD help herself -- let go of her problems, they do not belong to me. My responsibility in her daily life is complete. She has identified resources in the adult community that are her's to choose if she wants to move in new directions. I can still love her and be present with her in ways that are healthy for me.

Amazement and awe. Hope tempered with reality. Doing my best to be mindful of living in the present. So much that I did not know that I know seems to be converging for me in these various roles. What I need to be reminded of - well reminders are here for me every day.

Being a parent of a struggling gd, and a DD with mental illness and other issues, has weighed me down heavily for so long. It is easy to get lost from who I am.

My question for those reading this, sharing this peaceful moment with me:

Who are you? What do you bring to the roles in your life - to those you care about in your life? How does this process give you hope or what are your desires in your heart to regain your hope? How do you find the support needed to maintain in our chaotic lives?

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders