Do they forget?

[crookedeuphoria]

My bf just asked me if I was going to let him move back in once our no contact is lifted by the judge. I said no, we need to focus on getting well. He said that he just wants everything back to normal. I said our normal wasn't normal and our relationship got sick. He asked if he should look for an apartment and I said yes, that his parent's house is not a healthy environment for him. He said I gotta go. I said okay, I love you.

So my question. We had a very serious incident. There was physical violence. There was police. There was jail. And now there is a no contact order (which we are violating via text). He doesn't seem to understand the gravity of what went on. Does he not get it?

[crookedeuphoria]

Sorry if I posted this is the wrong spot but since I don't know if I'm coming or going, well, staying or leaving seemed the closest to that 

[Samuel S.]

To answer your headline, yes, they do forget. Secondly, since there was physical violence resulting in a court order, I would suggest that you not contact him for your own safety and for anyone else around you. You need to protect yourself and the others around you.

From personal experience, my BPDw is extremely forgetful or at least supposedly so. She rationalizes her verbal abuse. You see, mine has told me that she is my daughter during intimacy, and that has not taken place for the last 5 years. Mine has told me that when I have needed to be in the hospital on doctor's orders, that this is going to cost an arm and a leg. BTW, we didn't pay anything afterwards, and I am better, but I have some other medical concerns. Mine has told me that I caused my own whiplash accident, because I supposedly had a bad attitude, thus the other person hit me while I was at a legal stop. BTW, the other person was found at fault and paid for all of my costs. I am now better at least with no whiplash. Now, she is being neglectful of our relationship by not being around me about 95% of the time.

So, do they forget? Yes. Will they be degrading? Yes.

All you, I, and the rest of us can do is to protect ourselves in every single way. Hang in there, crookedeuphoria, and please keep your distance from your SO! There's a reason why the court order was given - to protect you and others around you!

[waverider]

Its not so much as forget but rather block or rewrite.

This memory has not gone and can quite easily be brought up again, even if rewritten sometime in the future.

The most important thing is to not let it be forgotten or rewritten in your own mind. That is easy to do if the idealization starts again

[HopefulDad]

Forgotten, blocked, re-written, whatever (FBRWW)... .yes, it happens and it is frustrating as hell.

My BPDw has FBRWW several key moments in our lowest points, things like her yelling, "STFU!" or addressing our oldest daughter with ":)on't listen to your father right now, he's being a (female dog)!" or addressing our two oldest with, "Girls, don't make the mistake I made and marry a jerk like your father!"

When I bring it up later as for those moments being completely unacceptable to me and the big reason I've gotten myself upset, she is oblivious and thinks I'm upset with something else, that I overreacted to something else minor in comparison.