Checking in

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been a few months since I was here.  Still married to uBPDh.  In fact, I got sick and actually moved in with him in the middle of August with my youngest son.  In a fit of dysregulation, he kicked us out on Sunday night.  I didn't react well and my son said he was trying to apologize and make amends.  

All I could think is I've been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, just getting back on my feet with my business after a disabling two month flare which led to the diagnosis, he's happy, I'm happy, we're ready to move on, and he loses it.  And I didn't need to rely on him financially at all, was there for better family structure for my son.  I started immunosuppressant meds and am doing so much better.  My business is fine, my clients are good, and the cash flow and schedule for the rest of this year and next year are rolling.  

No, the man can't deal with his emotions at all.  For the most part I was happy living in his home and my son was happy too.  UBPDh seemed happy most of the time.  But he's a drama queen when he gets upset, can't take ownership of his feelings, and he actually threw food at me on Sunday night.  I know, it's laughable.  I was like, really, big man... .and of course that didn't help.

He was upset because we weren't able to move some stuff over the weekend due to weather but I got a lot of catch up work done.  Then my sister and her daughters stopped over to pick up stuff.  We had a great visit and talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Then he got mad when they left because his sister and I don't get a long - mainly due to his triangulation behavior - and the holidays are approaching. Holidays always freak him out.

I told him I was willing to let bygones be bygones, but that they didn't seem able.  Then he gave me a huge amount of vitriol about how he hadn't wanted me there from the beginning, blah, blah.  Total contradiction from what he told me in August.

Hey, people, untreated mental issues don't improve.  His could be BPD or ptsd from early childhood abuse. Then he was in a coma for a month as a young teen.  Anyway, whatever it is, he refuses to deal.

[daze]

It's been a few months since I was here.  Still married to uBPDh.  In fact, I got sick and actually moved in with him in the middle of August with my youngest son.  In a fit of dysregulation, he kicked us out on Sunday night.  I didn't react well and my son said he was trying to apologize and make amends.  

All I could think is I've been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, just getting back on my feet with my business after a disabling two month flare which led to the diagnosis, he's happy, I'm happy, we're ready to move on, and he loses it.  And I didn't need to rely on him financially at all, was there for better family structure for my son.  I started immunosuppressant meds and am doing so much better.  My business is fine, my clients are good, and the cash flow and schedule for the rest of this year and next year are rolling.  

No, the man can't deal with his emotions at all.  For the most part I was happy living in his home and my son was happy too.  UBPDh seemed happy most of the time.  But he's a drama queen when he gets upset, can't take ownership of his feelings, and he actually threw food at me on Sunday night.  I know, it's laughable.  I was like, really, big man... .and of course that didn't help.

He was upset because we weren't able to move some stuff over the weekend due to weather but I got a lot of catch up work done.  Then my sister and her daughters stopped over to pick up stuff.  We had a great visit and talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Then he got mad when they left because his sister and I don't get a long - mainly due to his triangulation behavior - and the holidays are approaching. Holidays always freak him out.

I told him I was willing to let bygones be bygones, but that they didn't seem able.  Then he gave me a huge amount of vitriol about how he hadn't wanted me there from the beginning, blah, blah.  Total contradiction from what he told me in August.

Hey, people, untreated mental issues don't improve.  His could be BPD or ptsd from early childhood abuse. Then he was in a coma for a month as a young teen.  Anyway, whatever it is, he refuses to deal.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi daze, that sucks. What do you see happening now, what do you want to do?

[daze]

Well, I guess I will live in MY house, work on MY business, focus on MY health, and raise MY son.

It's so strange, but I was quite happy for the most part at his house for almost three months.  I didn't forget about the BPD/ptsd/whatever, but I hoped it was ptsd or attachment or something that is easier to deal with.  I still don't know what the heck it is.  Maybe he's just a jerk.

If you know anything of my history, I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD in the spring.  Not to make excuses but it's explains some of the perseveration we see with me.  Working on it.