What Is The Most Ridiculous Thing You Have Ever Been Accused Of?

[maryy16]

While things are going well with my H right now, last night I got to thinking about all the things that I have been accused of over the past 30 years... .and I how was so weak that I actually believed I was to blame.

My most ridiculous situation was this... .

We stopped to eat at a small burger place.  H was in a good mood. It was dinner time and very crowded.  H went to the bathroom while I ordered.  After ordering, H had still not come back, so I found a seat (which I was lucky to find because it was so crowded) and sat down. 

After a few minutes, H comes to the table and he is LIVID. Why? Well, I guess I was (#1) suppose to find a table near the bathroom so that he did not have to "walk around the whole place" trying to find me (the place was only one small room) and (#2) Since I couldn't find a close table, then I should have been looking out for him to come out of the bathroom, stood up when I saw him, and waved him over.  Looking back on this incident, I almost have to laugh at how absolutely silly it was, but, of course, we all know that it is not silly at all to our pwBPD. And this led to one of the worst arguments we ever had.

My "inconsideration" led to him driving like a maniac on the way home, me crying and begging him to pull over to let me drive, to which he just drove faster and more crazy.  It led to him telling family members some personal information about me and it led to days of dysregulation. 

And in this case, looking back now, I know I did nothing wrong at all, but at the time, I JADEd like no other, apologizing and trying to justify why I sat down where I did. So glad I am learning how to deal with these situations.

And I was just wondering what ridiculous situations you all have had that have led to huge arguments and periods of dysregulation?

[Mono No Aware]

It's kinda hard to choose, there have been so many.

My supposed crush on her neice? Or my repressed desire to sleep with my sister?

Being a leader of the conspiracy with the female members of my family to take her kids away... .or perhaps the other conspiracy to saddle her with the kids?

Maybe way back when I got a free beanie baby plush from the bank for opening a new account and I gave it to her because she likes cuddly things... .and because it was a crab it was of course a subtle slap in her face of me calling her crabby?

Maybe the time I completed a puzzle, which in BPD-world was as good as calling her stupid.

No, after much though it is the accusation that I don't even like her. That is the most ridiculous thing.

[Proud_Dad]

Do I have to pick only one? I have been accused of so many things that I'm sure I cannot even recall every incident.

I don't love her, and never did.

I fantasize about every woman I see.

I am cheating on her with everyone at work.

Blah, Blah, Blah... .

The one that really took me by surprise was being compared to a rapist and a pedophile. Then being told that she is glad that both of our children are boys because I would probably molest our children if they were girls.   :'(  :'(

How do you even respond to something like that?

[Southern_Belle]

He said I was a Nazi. He didn't use it in the slang term to insinuate that I was bossy or controlling. No, he accused me of being an actual member of the National Socialist Party that ruled Germany in the 1930's to 1945.

Oh, I should probably mention that fact that I'm Jewish.

However, I do have German ancestry/ethnicity. In his moments of dysregulation, everyone who is German is a Nazi.

So, yeah, I'm a total Nazi. ! 

[Changingman]

Gently asking with a hurt face whether I was having an sexual affair with some female long term friends of mine... .while she WAS having an 6 month affair with someone behind my back.

Or maybe let's get a prostitute in to have sex with us, not my thing, I eventually rang thinking she was role playing and would stop it. No she was angry when I mentioned to the agency my GF was here too and they said no. I was shocked she was totally into it... .should have got out then.

[goldylamont]

 

* that I *never* apologized

* i was cheating

* i was looking at this/that woman

* i didn't like her family at all

* that i was in a conspiracy with her family against her

* i was controlling of everything, even though she in actuality had free reign and i encouraged her suggestions (home decorating, things to do, etc.)

* i wasn't "romantic enough", while she would become snotty and dismissive any time i would open up and do something romantic

and the kicker--

* i was a narcissist!

[allibaba]

In July, my husband told my mom that I was doing ecstasy (I don't do any drugs) and that I am a bad mother and one other thing that was so bizarre I think that I blocked it.

[Clearmind]

I also got accused of a lot - much of it was not true. At what point can we question ourselves for persisting with a person/partner that accused us and put us down?

[Changingman]

Not getting the dogs properly trained while she got drunk, aggressive sexual, raging, crying, up and down emotions around them 24/7. Amazing

[SweetCharlotte]

My uBPDh accuses me of "creating an unsafe situation" when he goes into the push-away part of his cycle.

There is never an explanation of what the danger is or how I am creating it. It could be raising my voice after he has been baiting me for an extended period. He had a traumatic upbringing with lots of physical abuse from his mother. When he starts to dis-regulate, his feeling is his reality. He feels threatened, so I must be the cause.

If I am to stay in this relationship, I have to be ready for this to happen and realize that no amount of JADE can stop it.

[peas]

After about six weeks of dating, I woke up one morning to my phone blowing up with missed text messages. I always dreaded seeing X number of waiting text messages from my boyfriend -- I knew he was disturbed about something. My ex had gone to a bar the night before -- the bar where we met and I used to work -- and was talking to some regular male customers who I knew. He texted me all irate that one customer said he had sex with me at the bar (on bar furniture. classy), so my boyfriend texts me all this during the night wanting answers. I was like, WHAT? I couldn't believe it. I said I was going to talk to that customer and tell him to stop lying. My ex said not to do that, just to forget it and he'd handle it.

I let the matter drop, but I always sensed my ex created this lie. It was probably him in full BPD fantasyland, but at the time I didn't know about BPD. Maybe he was telling the truth and these customers were just talking guy BS, but I found this to be such a far-fetched conversation.

Another time I was at this same bar and a guy friend my ex and I knew came in and sat with us. We had a few beers together, I was happy to see my friend. A couple weeks later during one of my BPD ex's rages, he accused me of touching the guy friend's man-parts that night. Again, I was like WHAT? My ex was next to me the whole time and I never would have flirted with my guy friend, let alone grab his stuff. 

[momtara]

Wasting toilet paper.

[Hope26]

That I 'don't trust him' because I once glanced at the clock after he told me what time it was.  Behavior that would have gotten him killed in Vietnam, he said.  Or that I 'didn't trust his judgement' because I once checked traffic coming from the opposite direction than where he told me to look (it seemed more logical to me to turn the other way).  That caused a rage that was repeated again several days later; on the day it happened I was sick and had just exited the pharmacy, so he spared me a lengthier one temporarily.  I am still pretty new at learning the helping tools.  Does "JADEing" mean 'justifying and defending'? I still don't know how to react to the sudden, out-of-the-blue rages.  I can understand using the 'SET' techniques under calmer circumstances, but not when someone is screaming at you.

[maryy16]

In my situation, my H has become aware of his BPD and has totally admitted to having it.  We are at a point now where if he says or does something "BPD", I am able to tell him, so as to bring it to his attention, and ask him to stop.  I explain to him why he is out of line and why his actions/words are unacceptable.

This seems to be working for us.  I truly believe that with his upbringing, he was never told WHY he was getting in trouble/beat up/etc. It was just slap/bam, shut up. So he never was able to deal with his frustrations in a healthy manner, explain himself, and, of course, his parents ever apologized or admitted any type of wrongdoing.

Admittedly, this would not have worked even 3 years ago, but as he better understands himself, he seems to be able to self soothe and understand that he is over-reacting.

[SweetCharlotte]

Does "JADEing" mean 'justifying and defending'? I still don't know how to react to the sudden, out-of-the-blue rages.  I can understand using the 'SET' techniques under calmer circumstances, but not when someone is screaming at you.

Yes, JADE=justify, argue, defend, or explain. Non-techniques that will not obtain good results with an accusatory pwBPD.

If you are being screamed at, we're advised to put up a boundary by getting away from the screaming until the person is calmer. Then, you can try some SET.

[samthewiss]

Oy Vay

Where do i begin:

Here is the list.

I want to sleep with everyone i see, and she added that what is sick is that it includes the fat and ugly ones. That is why we cannot go out in public together, it is humiliating. Crazy me would worry if a pritty woman would walk by and trigger her rage.

I, and my workers, have a reputation of sleeping around with all our customer.

I don't know how to function  in a normal relationship

I abuse the kids

When I asked her where she went out to one evening, she asked if i bugged her car.

I am gay

I have a temper

I am an alcohol, then i was a sexahalic, passive agressive, compulisive lier.

oh the insanity, i loved her, made excuses that she needs therapy.

[HopefulDad]

Years ago we'd be stuck in bad traffic and God forbid someone would zoom up in the breakdown lane and try to squeeze in right in front of us.  Yeah, nobody is a fan of that, but I'm not going to cause an accident over it, either.  So I let those folks in... .

BPDw: "WOW!  Why did you let that person in?  They cheat by using the breakdown lane and you let them in?"

Me: "What do you want me to do?  Stay 1 inch from the bumper of the car in front of me?"

Her: "Yes!  Don't be their (female dog)!"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Her: "Seriously, you are such a p#ssy!"

And then it's all downhill from there.  One time it happened on the way to the airport where we had a 6hr flight in front of us.  Yeay, me!

[suffering_parent]

Oh the insanity of it all.   I think I have been accused of everything in this thread.

What is the deal with them being so jealous?   Every time mine would bring around her friends she would think I was interested in them.   She would scream at me so badly I started to ignore all her friends.   Of course that makes her friends hate me.   What a lose-lose situation.

Worst for me was being accused of sexually assulting my kids.   I am sure she will accuse me of that until they are all 25.

BPD sucks.

[123Phoebe]

Hi

Since I cherish this place as a healing board, a Coping and Healing Board, a place to learn how to Improve our relationships... .

And because I totally get where all of you are coming from with your stories, having lived through a few ridiculous moments myself... .

I want to ask what you would do differently if any of these situations were to arise again?

How would you handle it, using the tools that you've learned?

What are you doing to improve your relationship?  Not only with your partner(s), but with yourselves too?  

[GreenMango]

I heard all kinds of stuff too.  When you know and trust your reality you fare better in these situations.

Piggybacking on 123Pheobe's questions, sometimes its easy to forget this part of BPD:

(from the Questions about BPD and BPD Behavior Learning center thread on What is BPD? How can I tell? - click the teal link below if you want to read more)

We're used to the DSM criteria for BPD, but i was looking at BPD resources and came across the ICD criteria which i hadn't seen in some time; i felt the differences were interesting and in turn, thought they may be interesting here. My search was sparked by the increase in discussion of the diagnosis itself on the boards (at least, that i've seen) and despite my H not presenting in perhaps the same volatile way as others, he is most definitely BPD. Anyway, i digress, i've lifted this from Wiki but the differences were, i thought, very interesting:

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines borderline personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1][14]    A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

       1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5

       2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

       3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

       4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5

       5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

       6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

       7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

       8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

       9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

It is a requirement of DSM-IV that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.

Paranoid accusations feel real to the person experiencing them

[momtara]

My hubby definitely has those delusions. 

[momtara]

and there is always the question of whether it's a delusion, or a lie that they then convince themselves of, for whatever reason.

[SweetCharlotte]

Almost forgot that my H's most ridiculous accusation of all was not against me but my daughter, who was six at the time!

He claimed that while he babysat for her, she had tried to take his hand and place it between her legs, telling him that my ex-husband did this for her and she liked it. (My ex-husband isn't her father either; I had her on my own after the divorce.)

I used to ask my ex-husband over to babysit for her and for my older child (who IS a product of that marriage). My uBPDh felt threatened by the ex and wanted him barred from my home at all costs. I don't think he lied about this incident, but somehow deluded himself while emotionally disregulated into believing that it happened. My little girl swears up and down it never happened, AND I had her interviewed by experts to check for sexual molestation. The opinion of the professionals: it was a delusion of the uBPDh, and HE is the one to watch out for.

H didn't like that and, of course, I rarely have him babysit for my daughter without my son being present. I keep him away from the kids as much as possible if he is dis-regulating. Now that the kids are a bit older it is easier to explain to them that he is a little "different" and they really do understand.

[MammaMia]

I have been accused of allowing the neighbors to build their houses and angle them so they can look right in my dBPDs39's windows.

Then I allowed people he does not like to live in those houses.

WOW... .how does one rationalize that?  I did not even own the property when the other houses were built 30 years ago!

[itgirl]

After reading this thread I'm beginning to think WE ARE THE CRAZY ONES! 

Why do we put up with this stuff?  For me, dealing with this type of crazy is not worth it.  But then again... .we are also clearly crazy 

[The Mrs]

This one took the cake... .after 25 years of marriage, I finally left.  My husband says to me, "I hope you and Michael will be happy."  Who's Michael?  Our family therapist who's been married for 30 years and practices with his wife in the same office!  Give me a break!

[Dr.Me2]

Just today I was accused by my uBPDw of everything and anything.

Yes a pwBPD is totally focused on itself, the accusations, attacks and blame have become more intense and pervasive. It has taken quite a tow on my mental health.

I am trying not to let myself down by her response, not easy. she sets me up for failure and anything I do escalates the situation. Any boundary I set she becomes even more nary and emotional.

Yet, she things that the only problem she has in a bad temper!

[hurtbyboderline]

Let's see. I have a platonic friend that I hung out with before I started dating my now exBPDGF. After we had gone to together for a year or so the girl (my platonic friend) got pregnant by her current BF. Well, of course the baby was mine. LOL... .Then it got even better! When she finally realized that the baby wasn't mine she started accusing me of sleeping with the girls mother. So NOW my platonic friend all of a sudden was my daughter! At least she didn't accuse me of sleeping with the girls grandmother. In which case the girls mom would have been my daughter... .Oh yes, & of course I've slept with EVERY female friend I've ever had! Maybe this is because she slept with EVERY male friend she ever had? After I posted I read a post above this. It reminded me of something. I've mentioned in other posts about a therapist that my exBPDGF & I saw? Well, I saw this therapist alone when my GF was out of town. Well, you know what I'm going to say, huh? Yep, I was sleeping with the therapist! Yeah, a happily married therapist with 3 kids was sleeping with me! LOL   zzz

[Cloudy Days]

When me and my husband had been dating for a few months I remember one thing that just blew my mind. We were driving somewhere and a group of teenage kids drove up behind us and eventually passed us driving like maniacs. He actually said that those were my friends and I had set it up to play games on him.

He's also accused me of giving oral to someone while talking on the phone with him  

He's also accused me of having an affair with a little kid I used to baby sit that lives across the street from my parents. I am almost 30 and this kid just turned 18, not to mention I haven't even been around him since he was around 11 

[drv3006]

"Preying on the elderly."   A friend of mine passed away and left me her home.  I had no idea that was happening and wouldn't have even know she was dying if a co-worker would not have seen an ambulance at my friends home.  Anyway, I was shocked and even felt guilty for such a a gift.   Ever since I prey on the elderly and I am a gold digger.  Sigh.