filed divorce

[suffering_parent]

Almost made it 12 years filed divorce today.   Just sick of it.   She is already engaged to the next guy. 

Kids are thriving beyond belief with her raging out of the house.   That made this decision easy.

It is amazing how much she keeps trying to engage me.   She forwarded me a bunch of love letters I emailed her for the last few years.   Keeps telling me how great her life now is.   What a bunch of crap.

I told her at one point before no contact that I have our kids and she has a bunch of loser men.   I would rather have it no other way.   Our kids are awesome and I am happy to move forward without the crazy in my life anymore.

[imstronghere2]

I told her at one point before no contact that I have our kids and she has a bunch of loser men.   I would rather have it no other way.   Our kids are awesome and I am happy to move forward without the crazy in my life anymore.

You got the BEST part of that deal by far!  Congratulations!  I did 19 years and mine chose loser men over her own family too.  So be it.  We are far better off. 

[suffering_parent]

She emailed me that new "loser" guy is quitting drugs for her.  So the control and manipulations start.   He will soon want to be back on drugs.

[imstronghere2]

She emailed me that new "loser" guy is quitting drugs for her.  So the control and manipulations start.   He will soon want to be back on drugs.

ROFL!  That's pretty funny.  My son never missed a beat when his mother walked out on us.  My daughter had just turned 18 and was pretty angry but she got through it real well and with as little damage as possible. 

One of the hardest parts to accept is never getting closure.  That this person you knew for XX amount of years was a complete facade and now there's a "new" person who you don't know at all and who takes NO responsibility for what they've done and how it affected the family. 

Good luck through this.  With any luck, she'll just stay away and have as little to do with your children as possible.

[Nope]

I told her at one point before no contact that I have our kids and she has a bunch of loser men.   I would rather have it no other way.   Our kids are awesome and I am happy to move forward without the crazy in my life anymore.

Be careful. For pwBPD children are not small people with feelings. They are weapons. She just hasn't found a way to use them to hurt you yet. But give her time and she will. It's always best to just enjoy your happiness and not throw it in the disordered person's face. Because she can't ever really be happy and she will never understand why she can't be happy. So if she sees you have something that makes you happy then maybe if she can take it from you it will make her happy.

[livednlearned]

Be careful. For pwBPD children are not small people with feelings. They are weapons. She just hasn't found a way to use them to hurt you yet. But give her time and she will. It's always best to just enjoy your happiness and not throw it in the disordered person's face. Because she can't ever really be happy and she will never understand why she can't be happy. So if she sees you have something that makes you happy then maybe if she can take it from you it will make her happy.

So true. When the idealization phase wears off with her loser bf, she might swing back around. How old are your kids? What kind of custody arrangement do you have?

[momtara]

I am concerned that she will engage you in a custody battle.  Don't take anything for granted.  Don't buy whatever she is saying now - she may change her mind, esp if she wants child supoprt.  It's good that you have them now, but don't send her emails saying, ha ha, I have the kids.  That can be used against you. 

[suffering_parent]

I already have two custody cases in two countries going.   Thankfully everyone is able to see how insane she is.   She is asking for child support and crazy amounts of money from me.   It is just so over the top it makes her look bad.   I have been mostly NC with her for about 2 months.

[momtara]

Sounds good, but you never know, with courts.  Glad it is working out.