Introduction

[jenxis]

Hello to everyone here... .

I have an adult daughter with BPD and the past years have been extremely difficult to say the least. I am a point where I truly do not know what to do or who I can turn to. I joined in hopes of finding support, UNDERSTANDING and maybe some answers.

My daughter is 26; emotionally she is about 16. The past 10 years have been so hard... .especially when she drinks. The anger, hatred  and violence that comes out when drinking is actually quite scary. We have tried everything to break this cycle, but nothing seems to work.

I look forward to "meeting" all of you, as well as offering whatever support I can

Jenxis

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Learning_curve74]

Hi jenxis, I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been experiencing with your daughter, but I'd like to offer you a warm welcome to the community too. 

You say your adult daughter has BPD, was she formally diagnosed with it and how long ago was it? If you don't mind me asking, does she live with you? You said "we have tried... .", are there other family members living under the same roof too or are you talking about other family members who are concerned and want to help too?

I feel for you as it must be hard to see your daughter stuck in what seems like a futile cycle. As a parent, you must have hopes and dreams for your daughter. While I don't have children myself, I still empathise with you because my ex-girlfriend has BPD and she is also stuck in a bad cycle of drinking and she's thirty-something going on thirteen emotionally (and sometimes it's even more like a three year old). I often felt so helpless wanting to help her. It can be very hard and heartbreaking to deal with.

I'm not sure how much you've read about BPD, so here is an article that helps parents understand the issues facing their BPD children as well as some general tips on how best to communicate and interact with them: Family Guidelines. I hope that it can help shed some light on your daughter's behaviors and help you start to cope with the difficulties involved.

You'll also find a lot of other community members dealing with a child with BPD on this discussion board: Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board. I'm sure there are many of them who share similar stories to yours. You may want to read the sticky topics at the top of the board as well as other posts there. And then when you feel comfortable, feel free to post as much or as little about your own situation with your daughter. You should find many other parents there who are willing to listen and offer support as well as advice if that is what you are looking for.

I hope you find the help and support you're looking for, jenxis. Here is a hug for you too because you deserve one. 

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, jenxis, and I'd like to join learning_curve74 in welcoming you to this site. He is right that there are many parents on this site who can commiserate with you and understand exactly what you are going through... .I, myself, am here because of my adult son (36) who was just diagnosed with BPD in March/April of 2013. And, like your daughter, not only did he have mental health issues, but he also had a substance abuse problem (in his case, though, it wasn't alcohol; he was a heroin addict).

I am also curious if your daughter has been formally diagnosed, and also if she has ever been in therapy for it? We also have had a very traumatic past with our son and his symptoms and behaviors, lasting for almost 20 years. What changed everything for him (and us!) was his admittance to a Dual Diagnosis Program in March of 2013, where he finally acquired his BPD diagnosis. Prior to that, he'd been diagnosed with ADD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Hyperactive Thyroid, Suicidal Ideations, and the Substance Abuse. Once he got the BPD diagnosis and the treatment for it (the DD Program was an intensive, Inpatient 21-day Program, and once completed he is still in treatment), he is now on the road to recovery!

I'm mentioning this Program (his was at the Bradford Regional Medical Center in Bradford, PA) because nothing else prior to that helped him kick the drugs or get the mental health treatment he needed. He has now been clean and sober for almost 9 months (!), and is a much calmer and happier person. It's like he "found" the person her used to be prior to all the horrible symptoms and behaviors railroaded his life so many years ago.

Since your daughter not only has mental health issues, but also alcohol abuse, maybe a Dual Diagnosis Program could be something that would help her; I know my son had been in and out of 2 other--regular--rehabs in a 3 year period before going to the DD Program, and though he had short-term success with them, it didn't last more than a few months at most. If she has any interest in getting help for her troubles, a program like that might appeal to her; my son loved it at that place and didn't want to come home! He would've stayed for 6 months if they'd let him... .It was nothing like a regular rehab, and he enjoyed and reveled in every minute of his stay.

While you are reading here on the Parenting Board, please check out the Links to the right-hand margin of this page. The Tools and Lessons are very valuable for you as a parent; once I learned how to communicate properly with my son--in a way that didn't push every one of his buttons--soon after he returned home from the DD Program, it changed everything for our relationship! I stopped saying and doing things that riled him up, and he in turn changed the way he reacted to me. And with the lessening of stress between us, he then became more willing to continue his therapies and treatment and is really on the road to recovery from his many diagnoses. His story, if you want to read more, is at the blue link at the bottom of my post, in my signature line.

Please don't give up, jenxis... .Keep posting your story and asking your questions here, and read, read, read everything you can. We are here for you, and we will understand your fears and angst, and do the best we can to help you