Pulled a rabbit out of her hat

[david]

I filed in the summer to modify out custody schedule. I wanted one more sleepover a week during the school year. I do over 90% of all homework with our boys (15 and 10). S15 is pretty much self directed when with me but it is quite a different story at his moms. I have no idea how to resolve this and have been trying many things. He does about half his homework when at his moms. An extra day each week would let me keep him focused. The 10% S10 does with his mom is so wrong it isn't even funny. Basic grade school math and english.

The original hearing was set in Sept. Ex retained (officially) her atty on the Friday before and the hearing was Monday. The hearing was rescheduled to today since her atty needed time to prepare.                                                                                                                             Well she showed up today but apparently she filed a petition to modify custody on Friday. Since we now had two petitions the judge said we had to reschedule and also said we needed an evaluation. Another two month delay and more wasted money. My atty said this judge would not do anything without an eval. Ex's petition wants the summer changed from 50/50 to me having just two weeks. We have had 50/50 for three years and it has worked well. Ex has never complained about it before. She claimed she wanted a two week stretch and I refused. I have an email showing otherwise. Also, in her petition she claimed I stopped taking S15 to karate last year. That is correct because the day was changed from a Thursday (my custodial time) to a Wednesday (her custodial time) . She claims I refused to take him ? I actually sent an email when the time was changed and I told her everything. She replied and I still have that email. (I save them all). Her atty said if I dropped my petition she would drop hers. So now I have to go to an eval and show that everything she said in her petition is false, that the only reason she is doing this is because child support will be reduced, and show (just a limited amount so I don't tip my hand for the hearing) that I am doing the majority of school work with the boys.

[momtara]

Friggin ridiculous.  Hopefully the judge will see all your documents and do the right thing. 

[david]

I've been dealing with this since 2007 and it does get tiring. The thing that keeps me going is the fact that our boys are doing good in school, I have a great relationship with both and also my SS's (her kids from first marriage/at least the two without substance abuse issues), and all she does anymore is try to set up roadblocks that are usually ineffective and backfire on her.

My atty has a good plan for court and it will probably trigger her on the stand. He has a list of her lies and something to show them as lies. All in her own emails and other documentation from her. Everything she has claimed against me in the last year or so is totally false and I have proof to it all. I don't even try to coparent anymore since it is an effort in futility.

[ForeverDad]

She or her lawyer knows the rules of fighting - the best defense when you have none is distraction.  You filed, she had no defense so she filed for her own (drastic) motion.  Tit for tat.

I thought she worked?  Why is she getting child support, does she earn less than you?

Been there, done that.  I managed to get baby step changes about every 2-3 years.  Eight years, so far, out of our lives.

[david]

Ex makes six figures. I was a school teacher and made half that. Two years ago she accused me of assauit. Of course I didn't touch her but I had no witnesses except our kids. Judge said I was a liar and so was our kids. I was convicted of disorderly conduct and put on a leave of abscence. It takes five years to get your record expunged and school won't take me back until then. Ex has primary physical custody so I have to pay her. If we go 50/50 she will be forced to pay me and it will be at least 4 times what I am paying her right now. I only communicate through email and my atty said to never negotiate child support through email. I once offered her that I would take only 10 dollars a month and give her twenty in return for the boys living with me and her getting visitation when she wanted. That triggered her since (I figured it out afterwards) I was telling her she was an unfit mother.                                                                                                        I am doing the baby step process. I started with eow and two weeks in the summer. I now have eow , every monday, thursday until 8 pm, and week on/ week off during the summer. I need more time to help the kids with their homework. She does about 10 % of the homework with S10 and 45% of it is so wrong you would scratch your head. It made my atty laugh out loud when I showed him some. She actually wrote answers on a post it note for him to copy in his workbook. Her answers were wrong ? S15 is in honors biology and honors algebra 2. I am a math teacher. She is an registered nurse. She tried helping him with his biology and she had no idea what he was doing. She told him things that were way off from his textbook. He showed her and, of course, she got angry. I looked at it when he showed me and the book was correct. I even checked with a friend that is a doc and he agreed with the book. S15 has learned to ignore her with his school work. S10 does what she says but then is confused because he doesn't get it. I then have to reteach him the correct way. That requires me listening alot to figure out how his teacher is presenting things and then following her lead. This way it maintains a continuity for him. Her style is different then mine but I can follow her lead once I figure out how she is doing things. This helps S10 grasp the concept easier.A 10 year old doesn't like doing his homework twice and it can be difficult at times.

[livednlearned]

My lawyer was masterful at exposing N/BPDx's lies in court. She played him like a deck of cards. Got him purring on the stand, appealing to his wacky narcissistic/emotional reasoning reality, and then started reading emails he sent. "Mr N/BPD, you said you cooperated with LnL at all times so S12 could see his grandparents in Canada. But here in this email on date, month, year, you say "Good luck ever getting into Canada with S12. By the time I'm done with you and your evil little dog blah blah blah."

She did that over and over and over again, and N/BPDx just sat up there like, "Yeah, so. Those were great emails I wrote."

[DreamGirl]

I wouldn't think that a judge would particularily like when the answer to a petition - is another petition. Especially when the other party's attorney basically admits that it's a legal tactic?

Usually isn't it protocol to file an "answer"?

[maxen]

She did that over and over and over again, and N/BPDx just sat up there like, "Yeah, so. Those were great emails I wrote."

[david]

My atty insisted that bringing this out in court would not make a difference. However, he did say that an evaluator will see it for what it really is. Ex's petition said things that are factually incorrect and I have emails from her proving the lies. Ex also wanted the entire summer and would "grant father" two weeks as long as it didn't interfere with her plans. I was told on this site that negative engagement is still engagement. These situations are the only time I really engage with her. I know it sounds twisted but I do believe this is her motivation.

[livednlearned]

My atty insisted that bringing this out in court would not make a difference. However, he did say that an evaluator will see it for what it really is. Ex's petition said things that are factually incorrect and I have emails from her proving the lies. Ex also wanted the entire summer and would "grant father" two weeks as long as it didn't interfere with her plans. I was told on this site that negative engagement is still engagement. These situations are the only time I really engage with her. I know it sounds twisted but I do believe this is her motivation.

Same here. When I filed a motion for contempt against N/BPDx for not refinancing the house, he filed a motion for contempt against me, for thwarting him from refinancing the house. That's my favorite illogical N/BPD court story so far.

For him, I think it's a narcissism thing. He wants the judge to like him. To believe him. To take his side. "Maybe if I just do one more motion for contempt here, I can win this guy over." It's magical thinking/negative engagement/maybe abuse will work type stuff.

[david]

When ex left in 2007 she literally emptied our house of everything. Electrical wall plates (a total of 47 throughout the house which she removed), toilet paper holders (we had three bathrooms and she took them all). I mean everything except a box in our attic. On the top of the box was a journal of hers. I never seen it before. It was dated from about 1.5 years before we met and about a year afterwards. I read it and was confused and frightened at the same time. It didn't make sense, it wasn't anything like the person I thought I knew, and it was scary. Later, when I learned of BPD, I realized it had 8 out of the 9 criteria for BPD in it. Obviously she left it there so I assume she wanted me to know.

This site helped me put a lot of the pieces together.

[livednlearned]

This site helped me put a lot of the pieces together.

This site helped me stop trying to make sense of it.