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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Fighting the obsession with contacting her  (Read 587 times)
Naddred369
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 107



« on: November 19, 2013, 01:04:08 PM »

Hi Guys,

6 weeks out of nearly a 5 year R/S with my BPDexgf.

Round 1: 4years.

Round 2: 10 months.

I know I cant make the R/S work, I tried so hard, gave as much as was humanly possible and it failed... .twice.

Same Modus Operandi EACH time!

I know I cant make contact, I know it would be opening the gates of hell, I know it would be the stupidest thing I could do right now.

BUT... .

The sheer URGE to contact is horrendous!

Its like a compulsion.I am compelled against my better judgement!

I dont want her back( i do! but cant... .Shell destroy me in round 3, i know this!)

I think its just for her to know I exist. I didnt disappear when she met my replacement. Im still here dealing with all those lost dreams, plans, memories.I WONT JUST DISAPPEAR COZ IT SUITS YOU!

Im fighting and winning with N/C at the moment and im doing it for my healing but to stay in control is such hard work!
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Pretty Woman
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2013, 01:15:31 PM »

Naddred369,

    I feel your pain. Did she dump you or did you end it?

I am on recycle #6 of an 18mo relationship. This time, she had my replacement lined up and has gone no contact.

I know how you feel and where you are. Keep reading these boards. Look at the staying page and you might be compelled to stay NC! Can you imagine a lifetime of what you endured in 2 rounds?

They don't change without treatment. You cannot fix what is broken.

What can you do to occupy your thoughts right now so you aren't ruminating about this?
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HarmKrakow
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Posts: 1226


« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2013, 01:18:17 PM »

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Ironmanrises
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774


« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2013, 01:19:44 PM »

My sentiments too Harm. Perfect picture of this cruel paradox.
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Slowlybutsurely
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Posts: 339



« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2013, 01:35:22 PM »

Continue to fight the urge to contact her!

It won't do anything but make you feel worse, so much worse.

I am a case in point. I cut off contact with my ex over two years ago, hadn't bumped into for 1. 5 years, and over the weekend, I bumped into her again. I kept it short--30 seconds or so--and I am still reeling from the contact. I feel sad and depressed and missing her all over again. After all this time... .

I know enough now to know that I'll feel better and go back to normal (being over her, and interested in a new relationship, not heart broken, etc), but the 30 seconds of contact stirred everything up all over again.

Resist the urge! 
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GlennT
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 899



« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2013, 03:43:01 PM »

Do you see how the previous poster had a brief meet-up and flare-up? It will pass. I, along with thousands of other members from here will tell you, felt like you, and know, the urge to break NC will pass with time. We cannot all be wrong. You are here now and you have our vast BPD knowledge at your disposal. You will never be used or abused by a BPD woman again unless you allow it. Knowledge is power as the saying goes. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Always remember what they do:Idealize. Devalue. Discard.
Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.~ Churchill
Naddred369
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Posts: 107



« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2013, 05:37:03 PM »

Thankyou for your support guys,

Sorry for the late reply but i had a good friend come take me out for pizza and go over old times, my friends are rallying round and being supportive which is great.

I left my BPDexgf after she disappeared for the day( with i beleive, my replacement)after being fed a week of lies as to where she was really meant to be.That evening she text me that our R/S wasnt working and we should split up, to which I then informed her that Id already left her!

I am a fool, but I can only take so much crap!

I am grieving for a relationship that only existed on my side, she obviously wasnt in the same R/S as me.

I have grown weak mentally and emotionally over these last few years and I intend to grow strong again,physically, mentally,emotionally,spiritually stronger.

I WONT contact her coz im worth SO MUCH MORE than she even realises. Her behaviour pattern in the past implies she will try to recycle me again ( coz no when else can put up with her behaviour patterns) but Id rather be single for the rest of my days than be used like this again.

I have deactivated my FB account, deleted all her numbers gone off the grid as it were.Im as much a mystery to her as she is to me.

My moods change rapidly( its still very raw at the moment) but right now Im angry, its a positive coz it leads me in the right direction, to a new life with a new start, on my terms.


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laelle
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« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2013, 09:38:37 AM »


Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) This!
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