Threatened by BPD ex new bf. What to do?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

Well I posted my story earlier but the short version:

My ex and I broke up end of January. All the signs of silent borderline were there (in hinesight). She could not open up, push pull, test me by pushing everything my way regarding housekeeping and taking care of the kids and taking care of her. Always the victim, no empathy, not able to have an arguement, not open to critizism etc. I moved out in May (because I couldnt get a place to stay). Turns out the rebound was already seeing her since december.

2 weeks after I moved out he moved in. He is there with my kids. Now 6 months along he is still there and last night I had a discussion with her after parent teacher night. I told her there is a stranger in my house and I dont know who that is (he never introduced himself). She said: I can't introduce you to him because he might attack you.

So I was flabbergasted. Apparently her new "saviour" is mad at me because I treated her badly? In an arguement just before I moved out (I finally got to go out with friends and she was supposed to stay with the kids so I could sleep in). I came home and she wanted to leave (to see him while I was not aware that she was rebounding) and I just flipped out. I screamed I hoped she would end up in a car crash. I know its terrible to say from my end but I just broke after all the times I took care of our kids without asking (while she was secretly seeing him).

I don't know what she told him but apparently I am the devil over there while I just reacted to her lies and infedelity. What is best to do?

[Noise]

Hi,

Well I posted my story earlier but the short version:

My ex and I broke up end of January. All the signs of silent borderline were there (in hinesight). She could not open up, push pull, test me by pushing everything my way regarding housekeeping and taking care of the kids and taking care of her. Always the victim, no empathy, not able to have an arguement, not open to critizism etc. I moved out in May (because I couldnt get a place to stay). Turns out the rebound was already seeing her since december.

2 weeks after I moved out he moved in. He is there with my kids. Now 6 months along he is still there and last night I had a discussion with her after parent teacher night. I told her there is a stranger in my house and I dont know who that is (he never introduced himself). She said: I can't introduce you to him because he might attack you.

So I was flabbergasted. Apparently her new "saviour" is mad at me because I treated her badly? In an arguement just before I moved out (I finally got to go out with friends and she was supposed to stay with the kids so I could sleep in). I came home and she wanted to leave (to see him while I was not aware that she was rebounding) and I just flipped out. I screamed I hoped she would end up in a car crash. I know its terrible to say from my end but I just broke after all the times I took care of our kids without asking (while she was secretly seeing him).

I don't know what she told him but apparently I am the devil over there while I just reacted to her lies and infedelity. What is best to do?

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm sorry about all that drama, it sounds very painful.

If it wasn't for the kids I'd say run and never look back; personally I hate women like that.

Another option is to go to war.  I don't know if you are married, but there's that and custody.  The new dude almost threatened you, and might if you escalate with her, not surprising, all of my borderline exes were complete trash according to her, and I'm sure I am now too.  Oh, and she was carrying on an extramarital affair with children at home.  How is this woman a fit mother and how is the home she created with the new dude, complete with threats of violence, the one the father is excluded from, a nourishing environment for children?  If that's the tack you want to take you probably have a lot more ammo, and keep all documentation.  Going for the jugular has it's allure, but if you focus on your and the kids well being and health, maybe it can be as smooth as possible.  Take care of you!

[Learning_curve74]

Please take care of yourself, Noise. You especially want to make sure to be able to be there for your kids. Document and protect yourself, try and avoid anything rash. If ever you meet, it might be best to keep it public with other witnesses. People with BPD often conduct a smear campaign against us former flames even when they are playing nice to our faces. You might have no idea what awful stuff she's told the current bf about you.

My exBPDgf told me a lot of awful stories about her ex-bf, but now I highly doubt any of them are true. I believe he loved her very much and wanted the best for her. He might even be another member on this forum for all I know!