Court Tomorrow

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After 3.5 yrs being divorced with 50 / 50 joint custody and the typical / low scale BPD emails and conflict, I am in court tomorrow to try to put heightened harassment to bed.  dBPDx has filed 4 court motions since February.  The Judge dismissed the first and instructed her to withdraw the second.  The third is the same as the second and I don't even care what the fourth is.  The trigger was things not going well in her remarriage and things going well for me.

I was in so much despair in the middle of this I gave serious thought to giving up and moving away.  Then my two sons started asking me how they could get out of the situation with DBPDmom.  That is when I knew it was time go dig in, otherwise I would probably find myself posting here until I was in my 60s.  I went through 3 years of hell through a custody battle and it seemed so pathetic to want to call it quits after not giving in is what defined me.

Tomorrow is a hearing on a temp order of protection for me and then setting a firm trial date on my modification of custody. X has dug her own grave, has a lot to lose, ( high functioning in career , remarried) defies the judge, but is out of control.  I have  lost a lot in the past 12 mos, and let the FOG accumulate to unhealthy levels.    That is 100% on me.  I fear I may have lost gf  who was so close with and supported me and the boys throughout, but the police visits, false accusations, and constant court issues are a heavy burden, and I wasn't brave enough to acknowledge my PTSD issues and deal with it.

Posting to thank all that got me to this point... .and asking for thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

No matter what the Judge decides tomorrow, boys (S9 and S5) ((when I started with  I wrote S4mos and S5) are looking forward to a great holiday week next week.



One riot,  one ranger.

[DavidWebb]

After 3.5 yrs being divorced with 50 / 50 joint custody and the typical / low scale BPD emails and conflict, I am in court tomorrow to try to put heightened harassment to bed.  dBPDx has filed 4 court motions since February.  The Judge dismissed the first and instructed her to withdraw the second.  The third is the same as the second and I don't even care what the fourth is.  The trigger was things not going well in her remarriage and things going well for me.

I was in so much despair in the middle of this I gave serious thought to giving up and moving away.  Then my two sons started asking me how they could get out of the situation with DBPDmom.  That is when I knew it was time go dig in, otherwise I would probably find myself posting here until I was in my 60s.  I went through 3 years of hell through a custody battle and it seemed so pathetic to want to call it quits after not giving in is what defined me.

Tomorrow is a hearing on a temp order of protection for me and then setting a firm trial date on my modification of custody. X has dug her own grave, has a lot to lose, ( high functioning in career , remarried) defies the judge, but is out of control.  I have  lost a lot in the past 12 mos, and let the FOG accumulate to unhealthy levels.    That is 100% on me.  I fear I may have lost gf  who was so close with and supported me and the boys throughout, but the police visits, false accusations, and constant court issues are a heavy burden, and I wasn't brave enough to acknowledge my PTSD issues and deal with it.

Posting to thank all that got me to this point... .and asking for thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

No matter what the Judge decides tomorrow, boys (S9 and S5) ((when I started with  I wrote S4mos and S5) are looking forward to a great holiday week next week.



One riot,  one ranger.

[momtara]

Good luck...   You seem pretty brave to me.  I am glad you have at least 50/50.  Some don't get that far. 

[GaGrl]

Thoughts and positive energy will be sent your way tomorrow... .

[DreamGirl]

I hate that its gotten so bad.  :'(

Good luck DW.

Let us know how it goes.

[Matt]

Good luck!

[livednlearned]

After 3.5 yrs being divorced with 50 / 50 joint custody and the typical / low scale BPD emails and conflict, I am in court tomorrow to try to put heightened harassment to bed.  dBPDx has filed 4 court motions since February.  The Judge dismissed the first and instructed her to withdraw the second.  The third is the same as the second and I don't even care what the fourth is.  The trigger was things not going well in her remarriage and things going well for me.

I was in so much despair in the middle of this I gave serious thought to giving up and moving away.  Then my two sons started asking me how they could get out of the situation with DBPDmom.  That is when I knew it was time go dig in, otherwise I would probably find myself posting here until I was in my 60s.  I went through 3 years of hell through a custody battle and it seemed so pathetic to want to call it quits after not giving in is what defined me.

Tomorrow is a hearing on a temp order of protection for me and then setting a firm trial date on my modification of custody. X has dug her own grave, has a lot to lose, ( high functioning in career , remarried) defies the judge, but is out of control.  I have  lost a lot in the past 12 mos, and let the FOG accumulate to unhealthy levels.    That is 100% on me.  I fear I may have lost gf  who was so close with and supported me and the boys throughout, but the police visits, false accusations, and constant court issues are a heavy burden, and I wasn't brave enough to acknowledge my PTSD issues and deal with it.

If your kids are asking for help, it must be bad. I'm so sorry about your girlfriend  :'(  Are you in counseling?

Good luck to you today. Let us know how it goes.

When was she diagnosed?

[ForeverDad]

This is the time to get things done right.

We were separated since before our son was 4 and over the years he always failed to corroborate ex's ever-changing allegations.  Then at age 5.5 she lost the pediatrician (she raged at staff and pediatrician 'withdrew services' and during her next parenting time she took son to the hospital and somehow managed to get son to corroborate her claim that I had raged at son and beat him on his shins.  Despite the nurse stating they appeared to be normal bruises for an active boy, due to his statement it was referred to CPS.  He told me he was playing on the monkey bars at a park his mother had taken him to play.  After that was resolved I bought him the out-of-print Clifford The Big Red Dog book, "T-Bone Tells the Truth".

Then at age 8.5 when I was seeking custody and ex had just learned a GAL had been appointed, he came back from the next exchange, after saying 'Hi dad' he added 'I want 50% time'.  Yeah, I knew where that came from.  The sad thing was that he had developed a sense of fairness, all he could remember was equal time and so he was conned to want to leave parenting time equal.  He's 11 now and in recent months it's been very different.

[Nope]

Best of luck to you! Not just with court but also with everything else. I know first hand how consuming these situations can be from the perspective of a woman in your gf's situation and feeling like my entire life is being dictated by my partner's ex. It's a hell that is in no way of my own making.

The thing that has helped me the most has been my fiancé's willingness to let go of the FOG and make it clear to me in no uncertain terms that I come first. We absolutely have our own loving relationship no matter what insanity is going on around us. It's made all the difference.

[DavidWebb]

Thanks to all... .   

Things went well, but this was nothing more than getting things teed up for a full trial to give the Judge the opportunity to hear in detail with documentation the effect x's behavior is having on boys.

Judge was not happy with x'sL when he explained she didn't sign the order like he promised she would do two months ago, and x was absent again.  I was pleased that Judge remembered what x'sL told her when she said "you told me you were faxing this in, what happened?"

Judge wants to consolidate all motions hers is contempt, mine is two ROs and one modification.  and gave us a whole afternoon in January for the hearing.  Also gave us the opportunity to amend my motion to modify the parenting agreement, which I am doing.  As ForeverDad put it, gives me the opportunity to ask for substantial changes and get things done right. 

I am pleased to put this behind me until after the holidays.  I am sure the amount of time boys are with me during Tday week and Christmas vacation (worked out very favorably the way days fell) will be a big trigger for x but I am vowing to ignore it all until prepping for trial in January... .

2013 sucked... .in many ways as bad for me as 2008 when the affair, divorce, rages etc started.

Rented "The Internship" film from on way home from work from redbox.  Anyone recommend any other new movies lately for a distraction?

[ForeverDad]

Red, Red2 (not seen), Magic of Belle Isle, Ultimate Gift, TinTin, Leap Year, Zorro 1/2,

Knight & Day, Adventures of Ociee Nash, This Means War, Return To Me, Cutthroat Island,

Nim's Island, Romancing the Stone, August Rush, Hugo, I.Q., Frequency,

Older: Father Goose, Lt Robinson Crusoe, World of Susie Wong,

I have a haunting connection with Random Harvest, wonder what parts of my past I've forgotten?

[Matt]

S15 and I just watched "The Internship" this evening, and now he's thinking about finding a college where he'll be well-positioned to work for Google.  Hm.

My kids' favorites are "Monty Python And The Holy Grail" and "Napoleon Dynamite".  Mine are "Fiddler On The Roof" and "North By Northwest".  (But I guess none of those are new... .)

[DreamGirl]

Matt... .   you are one of my favorite people.

But North by Northwest?

[Matt]

Matt... .   you are one of my favorite people.

But North by Northwest?

Have you seen it?  There are a dozen great Hitchcock movies but I think it's the best.  Or Vertigo, or I Confess, or Shadow Of A Doubt.

[DreamGirl]

How can you not mention Rear Window?

[Matt]

How can you not mention Rear Window?

Yeah, I like that a lot too.

"The Internship" was Vince Vaughn's follow-up to "Wedding Crashers", also with Owen Wilson - both goofy fun.

I like all three "Lord Of The Rings" movies.

[DavidWebb]

I give thumbs up to The Internship for a few good laughs... .

Thanksgiving Week :  Planes Trains and Automobiles is required viewing.(Netflix on demand)

[maxen]

My kids' favorites are "Monty Python And The Holy Grail" and "Napoleon Dynamite".

you're raising them right!

sorry about your troubles david. my 2013 sucked too. first thanksgiving in a long time without the w, but i'll be with great friends.

[scraps66]

I find myself watching a few older "feel good" movies when I need a pick me up, the list:

Miracle - story about 1980 US ice hockey team;

The Rookie;

Scent of a Woman - Al Pacino, awesome, "... .just what is a 'Baird Man'... ."

Those are not pillows!

[momtara]

I love North by Northwest!

I enjoyed Kevin Smith's "Red State."  It was kind of funny and thoughtful, and moved along well.  Not a horror film like some say.  Don't know where they are getting that.

I also have taken series TV shows out of the library, the ones everyone talks about (Girls, Breaking Bad, etc.)