Drug use and custody

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Does anyone have experience with how drug use impacts custody? Our final order has been in place for two years. Ex has S9 three nights every other weekend. I am in the process of finding out more details of the drug use. I just know the use is new since the divorce.

[Free One]

Does anyone have experience with how drug use impacts custody? Our final order has been in place for two years. Ex has S9 three nights every other weekend. I am in the process of finding out more details of the drug use. I just know the use is new since the divorce.

[catnap]

Does anyone have experience with how drug use impacts custody? Our final order has been in place for two years. Ex has S9 three nights every other weekend. I am in the process of finding out more details of the drug use. I just know the use is new since the divorce.

What type of drug(s)?  Big difference between crystal meth and marijuana.  Is Dad having parties or you suspect him of using when he has parenting time with S9?

[Matt]

I think the key may be whether you have solid evidence, and whether it is likely to impact the child.  If he's using something while the child is with him, or shortly before, it's probably worth bringing to the court's attention.

Do you have an attorney?

How can you get solid evidence?

It's possible the court could order one parent, or both parents, to have random drug tests.  That would probably find everything except maybe alcohol.  You could file a motion to have both parents tested - more likely to be make into a court order than if you only ask to have the other parent tested.

[Free One]

I don't know for sure or have any evidence that dad is high/drunk during parenting time. However, based on the information I have, dad brags about being drunk all the time by 11 a.m. He has parties often at his house (I know of one party in the past month that S9 was there for sure) and there are liquor bottles all over the house. The party I know son was present for, there were facebook pics posted with beer pong, comments about how drunk the party goer was and, of course, probably 10 liquor bottles on the counter (not beer or wine). The drug use is still unknown what kind, but it does not sound like marijuana. During parties, dad disappears into the basement where roommate lives (roommate has misdemeanor drug charge) for a few minutes and reappears high.

I do have an attorney. We are in the middle of contempt proceedings, but don't have a court date until early next year. Drugs are just a completely new part of the equation. It is not something ex was doing before the divorce, or ever had.

[Matt]

My suggestion would be, ask your attorney about making this part of the case, but handle it in a moderate and fair way.  Ask for random drug and alcohol screening for both parents, on an ongoing basis - not once or twice.  Don't talk about "addiction" or accuse the other party of being an "addict" or "alcoholic" - for all you know, the judge may be a recovering alcoholic herself.  It's not a negative to be an alcoholic or an addict.  The negative issue is drinking or using drugs at times that put your son at risk.

Look up the criminal records of your ex and the roommate.  Minor drug charges - especially the roommates's - probably won't have much impact.  But it's possible your ex may have a number of recent charges, and that pattern could be meaningful;  if you get one DUI or possession charge, and get your act together, that's one thing, but more than one charge probably suggests a real problem.

Keep it moderate, and focus on getting information in front of the court - not accusations, but information.  If your ex fights your motion for random drug/alcohol screening, stick to your guns - his choice to fight it will speak volumes.

[Free One]

Matt- Thanks for the level headed advice. I'm still processing the situation before I take action.

[ForeverDad]

If you do seek to have drug testing, be aware that a judge may be more willing to order it if both parents are tested, as in "equal treatment" at least initially.

If he has been using drugs, he may try delay in order to get 'clean' to hide it.  So drug tests should not be done on a scheduled basis, they ought to be somewhat random - or immediately after a suspect event - and the parent has only 24 hours to comply with the drug testing request.  Be aware too that some tests are more thorough and look back farther than others.

Some parents here have it in their orders, for example, that the other parent is not to use drugs 12 hours before a parenting time starts and no drugs or over-drinking during it.

[livednlearned]

Some parents here have it in their orders, for example, that the other parent is not to use drugs 12 hours before a parenting time starts and no drugs or over-drinking during it.

A version of that is in my order. N/BPDx drank anyway. The night he had his psychotic episode, when S12 was staying in the house (1.5 years ago), I knew he had been drinking. Then he was ordered to undergo a psych eval, and he admits to the psychiatrist that the episode was caused by a combination of pain killers and alcohol. I learned an important lesson from that -- N/BPDx saw drinking/drugs as a lesser problem than just being psychotic for no reason.