Was I wrong to go?

[Southern_Belle]

I know with all couples, there is going to be compromise in every relationship. Was I wrong to go away this Thanksgiving holiday?

Before the holiday, I asked my BPD bf if he wanted to do something (I gave him first choice). He said no and that he would be obligated to go visit his mom. She invited me, however, I declined. I know she doesn't like me much and I couldn't stand to spend the holiday with her and her faking being nice to me.

I made plans to travel out of state with my friend, Susan. E (the BPD bf) hates Susan. And I mean hates her! Before I left he voiced concerns about my upcoming trip. I asked him if he'd like me to cancel it and he said, "No, just go on ahead."

He has been doing DBT and actually, doing very well with it. So, I figured all would be ok. He still flipped out and I've received a few less than friendly text messages.

In the future, there are a few weekend things that I really want to go and Susan will be there. I know he'll probably become a spaz.

I guess I'm looking for a little bit of validation for myself.

Was it wrong for me to go on the trip I'm on now?

Should I still continue with my future plans?

[Surnia]

Hi Southern_Belle

No, you are not wrong, not at all. Keep going with your friend.



So many members here were isolated bc giving up activities with their friends... .

[Southern_Belle]

Thank you for the reply. I needed the validation for myself.

The reality is, is that I really don't want to cancel my future plans in anticipation of his freak-outs. That's no way to live.

He said if I had gone on this trip with any other person, he would have been fine. I wonder about that. Would he really have been ok had I gone with another friend? And if I dropped Susan as a friend, would he just find another friend of mine to complain about?

In his text messages he said, "If you go on another trip with that whore again, it will prove that you can't tell the difference between good and evil. It will also prove that you have absolutely no care for my emotional state which you know is on a delicate balance. All of this just proves we don't have a relationship, but a "situation of convenience." I just hope next year you can spend the holidays with a real friend instead of a leech/cancer which she is. Since we will never spend another holiday together again. Well I hope you grace *the city we live in* with your presence in the next few weeks."

I didn't JADE. I tried my best to validate his feelings.

The he replies, "F*ck it. it is what it is. You are going to do what ever you want to do despite anything I want or say. You can go off and get laid for all I care. As long as it isn't Jay (another friend he hates) and you're not paying that whore around. I would like you to be normal. But as long as I, nazis, Susan, rednecks, pig___ers, and other filthy animals are in your life, what can I expect but complete ___."

He went on with more of the same that you read above. I still tried to validate. Now I'm just getting silence from his end.

I don't know where I'm going with this thread. I just needed to vent to people who would "get it" and "get" what BPD is all about.