Mysterious bruises all over legs= self-harm?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

here I go asking more for more insights... sigh... .

I'm starting to now see weird things after I had a fight with my exUBPD.

I remember that she kept coming up with bruises. She'd show me her legs and they'd have bruises all over them  and she never did any exercise. She blamed them on sexual activity with me... that I was bruising her during our passionate times. Although she said this in a light hearted way not in a way that was accusatory.  She also said she 'bruises easily'.

I remember at the time, I thought... hmm... it's not like I am that rough. I am a woman!    We did get a bit rough at times... but to be bruised on your legs like that seems a bit odd.

Could it be that she was self bruising? I know cutting is common... but I never saw any signs of this on her. But I did see regular bruises. Just seems a bit odd for someone who didn't do any exercise and wasn't clumsy...

[Diana82]

here I go asking more for more insights... sigh... .

I'm starting to now see weird things after I had a fight with my exUBPD.

I remember that she kept coming up with bruises. She'd show me her legs and they'd have bruises all over them  and she never did any exercise. She blamed them on sexual activity with me... that I was bruising her during our passionate times. Although she said this in a light hearted way not in a way that was accusatory.  She also said she 'bruises easily'.

I remember at the time, I thought... hmm... it's not like I am that rough. I am a woman!    We did get a bit rough at times... but to be bruised on your legs like that seems a bit odd.

Could it be that she was self bruising? I know cutting is common... but I never saw any signs of this on her. But I did see regular bruises. Just seems a bit odd for someone who didn't do any exercise and wasn't clumsy...

[Artfulmind]

My dBPD sis hits her legs head etc when she is really upset  she always has new bruises every time it see her. So it is very possible she could be hitting herself while raging.

[pallavirajsinghani]

One of my aunts and also a girlfriend, used to have blue bruises on legs, especially upper legs/thighs all the time due to some vitamin/mineral deficiency.  So this may be a factor.

[Surnia]

Hi Diana

It can be self destructive, it can be something else. I can relate that you asked her about it.

Could it be that you are desperately seeking for a diagnose to help you to decide how to continue with your friend?

[waverider]

Hi Diana

There is a lot you have learned about this disorder. I found that rather than just asking open ended questions, I discovered more about my own responses, and progress, if i put forward my own thoughts and conclusions for discussion. It makes it easier for others to either validate your own views, or add to them accordingly. That way you will personally progress in your understanding.

What do you believe is happening here and why?

Waverider

[Diana82]

Hi Surnia...

yes I think I am wishing she would tell me she is BPD or Bipolar. I think it would help me.

She was always open though, that she had 'mental issues' but that is quite vague.

[Diana82]

I think I need to de-personalize all of this

[Surnia]

Hi Surnia...

yes I think I am wishing she would tell me she is BPD or Bipolar. I think it would help me.

Given she would tell you, "I am diagnosed with ... " what would make this with you?

[Diana82]

Do you mean how would that make me feel?

... well, I guess I'd feel somewhat relieved. But I think regardless of a diagnosis, she's already admitted she has "mental issues". And I need to keep remembering that. So whatever these mental issues are- they aren't due to my behaviour.

She is triggering herself and upsetting herself. She creates chaos and needs to live in drama.

Not me. I was just intimately involved with her and an easy person to blame.

[waverider]

Do you mean how would that make me feel?

... well, I guess I'd feel somewhat relieved. But I think regardless of a diagnosis, she's already admitted she has "mental issues". And I need to keep remembering that. So whatever these mental issues are- they aren't due to my behaviour.

She is triggering herself and upsetting herself. She creates chaos and needs to live in drama.

Not me. I was just intimately involved with her and an easy person to blame.

This may be true, but they are affecting you, hence why you are here. How can you isolate yourself from this chaos if that is your goal?

If your interaction with her is not triggering them, then there is nothing more you can do to help her. You cannot control her disorder.

Do you want out of this chaos, or are you simply intrigued by it? Trying to reconnect or just observing?