Don't think she's ever coming back

[Pretty Woman]

Little bit of my backstory... .

This was my first same sex relationship. Awesome from the beginning... .but very short honeymoon. By month three she showed an anger side and I could not rationalize with her. I started going crazy. It seemed like every three months something would happen and she would dump me. Almost like clockwork.  Once I overslept and didn't bring her popcicles (sore throat and was sick) and she dumped me and blocked her number for a week.

Anytime she really got mad she would block her number and avoid me like the plague. It really, really made me think I was nuts. Here I am a prolific writer and I'd like to think good communicator. But when she didn't like something or had enough "discussing" she would block me.

At first it was a few days, then a week. Then in May, after I told a friend I was gay, I lost them, this was my best friend. I was brokenhearted and under stress.  I cancelled dinner plans with my ex to be alone and deal with things and she went ballistic. She said, "I'm done, it's over"!

I drove to her house in a panic and I could hear her on the phone saying, "she's f'n stalking me now"!

Within the month she was back with an ex three states away.  She didn't block her number but after telling me never to text her again or she would file a restraining order I backed off.

On the day she came back from the ex she texted me 50 times.  I was so upset and did not want to see her. She showed up on my doorstep and we got back together.

Then three months later (what a pattern) I had a friend write me off because of something someone said. This is not only a friend but a collegue and business partner.  My ex and I went away for the weekend and she couldn't understand why I was so sad.  She asked me if we were done and I cried and said, no, I loved her very much.  She had me sit on her lap and she kissed me. 

Fast forward two days later she came to my house and said "we should see other people". She proceeded to say she loved me very much and this was going to be good for us, we would be "best friends" and she would always be there for me.

I had read up on BPD in the interim and figured out her patterns were very indicative of the disorder.  I told her I could not be friends with her and be her back up plan.

She texted me later and said she would be "here for me".

A few days past and I contact her crying. All of a sudden she wants NOTHING to do with me.  She says she is going in a different direction and I am "vicious and vindictive". She threw all my things out, changes her number, FB and email blocks me and that's that.

It's been two weeks.

She has never blocked me like that before.  I feel so bad it isn't funny.  I can't imagine she will ever return although she is notorious for recycling exes. In fact, she has ran back and forth between several for years. Her relationships have all been rocky and filled with cheating.

I know I am missing her because I am addicted to her coming back.  I am trying to cope with that. I just wonder with "object consistency" since she threw everything away will she even think of me? Is this it? I mean 6x she left in 18mo. I am pretty sure there is someone else but I have no idea.

:'(

[seeking balance]

I know I am missing her because I am addicted to her coming back.  I am trying to cope with that. I just wonder with "object consistency" since she threw everything away will she even think of me? Is this it? I mean 6x she left in 18mo. I am pretty sure there is someone else but I have no idea.

:'(

I imagine you are processing A LOT right now... .not just the end of a very volatile relationship, but also grief of long time friends leaving you along with your own natural grief process that occurs anytime someone comes out.

That is 3 really big things in 18 months - BIG EMOTIONAL CHANGE - of course you feel lonely and scared and missing her.  Because even though she was chaos, she was the one where you could let yourself be your authentic self - a safe zone.

Now what?  Well, she is not really your safe zone - and I am pretty sure you don't want this sort of relationship to be your norm do you?  On the leaving board earlier today you talked about doing better, right?  There are going to be a lot of ups/downs as you process your emotions until you balance out.

Whether she has someone or not, please don't make the mistake of thinking you are not worthy; you deserve someone who is much more equipped for a relationship than she seems to be based on what you have written.

Are you working with a T of your own to help process your own emotions?

[Pretty Woman]

Seeking,

  Yes I am in therapy.  Even though my ex is un diagnosed she meets all the criteria. 

I just can't believe she is gone for good.  We had friends together (she kept two) it's just so final and I feel so dejected. 

Being told I will always love you and be here for you at the breakup to: you are vindictive, vicious and a back stabber.  I want nothing to do with you ever

A week later. 

No one has ever treated me like this.  I am just amazed. 

[seeking balance]

Seeking,

  Yes I am in therapy.  Even though my ex is un diagnosed she meets all the criteria. 

good - is your T giving you tools on coping with the trauma of the push/pull you have experienced?

I just can't believe she is gone for good.  We had friends together (she kept two) it's just so final and I feel so dejected. 

Being told I will always love you and be here for you at the breakup to: you are vindictive, vicious and a back stabber.  I want nothing to do with you ever

A week later. 

No one has ever treated me like this.  I am just amazed. 

I know it hurts and feels crazy to you right now.

What are you undecided about Earth Angel?

[Pretty Woman]

I guess I wish she would come back to prove this isn't me. 

It's been such a pattern and she's re engaged all her exes.  I mean she talks to all except one who raped her. 

Thats what hurts.  I'm taking this so much to heart. 

[seeking balance]

I guess I wish she would come back to prove this isn't me. 

It's been such a pattern and she's re engaged all her exes.  I mean she talks to all except one who raped her. 

Thats what hurts.  I'm taking this so much to heart. 

 

Hon,

This is not about you - this is who she is.  You said it yourself, don't you think you deserve better?

So, you are not undecided really - you are sad, does that seem more accurate?

There is an interesting pattern that happens on these boards, when folks get to a couple weeks out of NC, the pain becomes unbearable and they tend to want to reach out to the person who happened to put the pain on them.

I did it too = it is a strange pattern that is all too common.

Is she really what you want in a partner?

[Pretty Woman]

No.  I don't want someone who leaves me whenever I'm down and need them.  I don't need someone who bails anytime they are stressed out and can't cope.  

For 18 mo every three my life would fall to pieces because of her leaving.  It's like I would die inside.  

This could have cost me my job.  I am lucky it hasn't.  

I can't concentrate she has that much control.  This woman with the emotional maturity of a doorknob holds all the power.  

She shouldn't I have let her.  I need to get past this.  Who cares if she doesn't want me.  There are plenty out there that will.