Am I being paranoid?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My wife recently took a trip out of town.  When she came back, she had a couple of boxes from her grandmother's house.  She had asked me to bring it in.  Well, as I was getting one of the boxes out, her purse fell over and everything including her wallet fell out.  As I was picking everything up, I picked up her wallet and a condom fell out.  Now, it wasn't a used one or empty wrapper, but still a condom was in her wallet.  We have had absolutely no sex life for about 3 months now, so I get extremely paranoid.  She has recently had a "connection" as she calls it, but says nothing physical happened and she wouldn't ever do that out of respect for me.  I had always trusted she never would.  However, I always trusted she would never let another man come into her life in that way.  So, I don't know what I believe anymore.  Part of me is like I'm being too paranoid, cause I have no way of knowing how long its been in there, it could be from when we took a trip together and was just in case.  But part of me is like, Im overlooking the obvious and turning a blind eye to it.  I mean, there was a condom in her wallet, and she has been having a "connection" with another guy.  I haven't said anything to her, cause I know she will think Im just going through all her stuff and put everything on me that I don't trust her and its all my fault somehow.  I don't know what to do.

[Aburn4827]

My wife recently took a trip out of town.  When she came back, she had a couple of boxes from her grandmother's house.  She had asked me to bring it in.  Well, as I was getting one of the boxes out, her purse fell over and everything including her wallet fell out.  As I was picking everything up, I picked up her wallet and a condom fell out.  Now, it wasn't a used one or empty wrapper, but still a condom was in her wallet.  We have had absolutely no sex life for about 3 months now, so I get extremely paranoid.  She has recently had a "connection" as she calls it, but says nothing physical happened and she wouldn't ever do that out of respect for me.  I had always trusted she never would.  However, I always trusted she would never let another man come into her life in that way.  So, I don't know what I believe anymore.  Part of me is like I'm being too paranoid, cause I have no way of knowing how long its been in there, it could be from when we took a trip together and was just in case.  But part of me is like, Im overlooking the obvious and turning a blind eye to it.  I mean, there was a condom in her wallet, and she has been having a "connection" with another guy.  I haven't said anything to her, cause I know she will think Im just going through all her stuff and put everything on me that I don't trust her and its all my fault somehow.  I don't know what to do.

[Surnia]

Hi Mike

No, I don't think you are paranoid. I think you are exactly describing all possibilities. It could be another man, it could be there from better times with you, you just don't know and I agree with you, asking her directly bc of the purse is perhaps not a good idea.

What about expressing your fear she could have someone else, perhaps regarding 3 month without sex? And not to mention about the condom and see her reaction?

[Aburn4827]

I am going to try that and see how it goes, Thank you.

[Surnia]

You are welcome, Mike. 

Keep us posted, if you want.