Dazed and Confused

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I just found out that my UBPDM lied on several bits of legal & religious paperwork relating to me.

I found out courtesy of an interview with my father (who had divorced UBPDM years ago), when I started asking questions about events that made no sense, and discussing UBPDM's behaviors.

I don't know what to do, or say, or think at this point.  But I would like to get matters straightened out.  I don't know where to begin.

Help?

[livelovelaughter]

I just found out that my UBPDM lied on several bits of legal & religious paperwork relating to me.

I found out courtesy of an interview with my father (who had divorced UBPDM years ago), when I started asking questions about events that made no sense, and discussing UBPDM's behaviors.

I don't know what to do, or say, or think at this point.  But I would like to get matters straightened out.  I don't know where to begin.

Help?

[livednlearned]

I just found out that my UBPDM lied on several bits of legal & religious paperwork relating to me.

I found out courtesy of an interview with my father (who had divorced UBPDM years ago), when I started asking questions about events that made no sense, and discussing UBPDM's behaviors.

I don't know what to do, or say, or think at this point.  But I would like to get matters straightened out.  I don't know where to begin.

Help?

Can you say a little more about what the legal issues are? What kind of repercussions they have for you?

[livelovelaughter]

I've been fighting ID theft issues for years, and I may have lost out on a family trust. 

The whole thing is just a mess, and I'm still recovering from the shock.

[livednlearned]

I've been fighting ID theft issues for years, and I may have lost out on a family trust. 

The whole thing is just a mess, and I'm still recovering from the shock.

Uh oh. You mean your uBPD mom may have stolen your identity? Do you know how much money was at stake? With credit cards, at least, the FBI will not investigate if the amount is under $10K. But my intel might be old on that.

[livelovelaughter]

With what I've been able to piece together, it's looking like she got together with another party to steal my ID and pull other stunts.  For years on end.

In speaking with other family members, it turns out that I'm not the only one who has been the target of such behavior.  I'm just wondering what the heck I do now, to make her stop.

[Waddams]

I'm sorry.  It's got to be very hard dealing with that.

I'd recommend to start by pulling your credit and see what's on there.  There's a free service you can pull it from once or twice a year.  Annualcreditreport.com (link below)

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action

I think the next step is file a police report.  I think you file it in the jurisdiction where you live to begin with.  Not sure, though.  But the police report helps in dealing with credit agencies, companies that have various things filed against your credit that aren't your's, etc. 

I'd also think it might be time to consult a lawyer that knows about these things.  You might be able to bring some kind of civil case to recover damages.

There's also a guide on the FTC's website.  Has a guide for steps to take, things like placing a fraud alert on your credit with the reporting agencies.

www.consumer.ftc.gov/features/feature-0014-identity-theft

It's a start.  Hopefully this gets sorted out.  I once had someone get a hold on my credit card number and use it to charge a few things to a porn site.  I called and managed to BS my way through their customer service to get a name and address for the person that did it, then turned it over to my bank and the cops.  I got my money back and new card, but I caught it soon enough that no big damage hit me and nothing ever hit my credit.

I would say try to treat it like any other person stealing your identity.  Business only.  Try to keep the personal feelings about your UBPDM out of it, at least for now.  Save that for after you have a good handle on resolving this.  Easier said than done, but I think it would help if you can do accomplish a little bit of it.

[ForeverDad]

I'd recommend to start by pulling your credit and see what's on there.  There's a free service you can pull it from once or twice a year.  Annualcreditreport.com (link below)

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action

I think the next step is file a police report... .

I'd also think it might be time to consult a lawyer that knows about these things.  You might be able to bring some kind of civil case to recover damages.

I would say try to treat it like any other person stealing your identity.  Business only.  Try to keep the personal feelings about your UBPDM out of it, at least for now.  Save that for after you have a good handle on resolving this.  Easier said than done, but I think it would help if you can do accomplish a little bit of it.

Waddams listed the correct link to the official and free site, other sites are commercial ones that want you to subscribe to their services, etc.  I'm not saying they're bad, just be careful and therefore start with the officially sanctioned one that is truly free.  It has links to the 3 main credit agencies and you can get a free report from each of them once a year, so that's three free reports per year, one from each.

I also agree that you should not feel guilty about reporting and pursuing these cases.  You need your life back.  Don't let some family member guilt you by saying you shouldn't report your mother or others for what they've done.  If others never reported what happened to them, then likely they were guilted into staying quiet.  Sorry, 'family' covers a lot of things but not sins of that sort.  Besides the financial losses, this could also have legal impact on you for years, even decades.  Find out what and how bad the damage is, get legal advice and then let the legal system do its thing.

I'm just wondering what the heck I do now, to make her stop.

Likely you can't make her stop.  But filing police reports and following up in the courts can.

[livednlearned]

You might also want to freeze your credit for now, if you can -- to make sure she doesn't open any accounts in your name.

So sorry you're having to deal with this.  :'(

I think the FBI gets involved in ID cases that involve sums of $10K and over.

[Waddams]

I know you can freeze your credit any time with the 3 major agencies.  It means nobody can open new accounts (including you) in your name.  I think they can't even run a credit check.  I have a co-worker that keeps his frozen all the time unless he's going to apply for something.  Then he unfreezes and does what he needs to, then refreezes.  He pays a fee to the credit agencies for this ability, though he says it's worth it after having to unravel an identity theft situation in the past.