Too much? (it's too late if it is... yikes)

[atcrossroads]

Soo... .

I'm nervous as heck.

My attorney sent my counter suit to stb ex BPD/npd husband's attorney today (his suit --  desertion, spousal support, legal fees, etc. -- all ridiculous -- some of you have been following the saga).

The counter my attorney wrote is a whoop a$$ 4 page description of some of the worst of the worst of our last couple years together.  Attorney includes details about drug use and spending (very excessive -- and he's a teacher!), scripts from some horrible rages (never hit me but threats to beat my a$$, etc.), accusations of infidelity on my part, constant suicide threats, cruel scripted comments from rages, etc.

It was mailed out today.  Security at work is on alert to watch him.  I'm nervous, nervous, nervous.

He will be utterly incensed.  He has nothing on me (except that I left him) but I presume he will concoct lies, deny all, maybe come after me.

I'm hoping my lawyer isn't being too strong.  He said we need to stand up to the bullying or he will never stop.

He would never in a million years suspect I would out him on all these bad behaviors.  I wonder if he will even go to the hearing or will just settle.

I hope he doesn't try to come for me, but I'm going to be ultra cautious and am buying some pepper spray tomorrow.

Is the counter going to backfire on me?  Put me in real danger?  Any words of experience or advice are welcome.   I CANNOT WAIT FOR ALL THIS TO BE OVER!

[casper324]

I feel your pain and the nervousness, it is one HUGE anxiety attack not knowing when the next wrath is about to fall.  I live in a very secluded place with a L O N G driveway.  My property borders preserved farm land on one side and the other side is in the back side of homes (separated by woods) and a County road that leads to my road.  So its pretty quiet unless of course you are walking on eggs shells, then I hear every car that could be his and am frozen for that 6 minutes or so to know if that car that sounds like his will be pulling up the driveway.  So what I will say for you is plan for the worst and hope nothing comes.  Plan an exit plan out of your home, keep your keys in your pocket always.  Sucky way to live but hopefully it is only for a little while.  Hang in there. 

[ForeverDad]

I'm hoping my lawyer isn't being too strong.  He said we need to stand up to the bullying or he will never stop.

I like your lawyer, he gets it.   Firm boundaries, please don't wimp out.  Protect yourself, yes, but don't let your new boundaries weaken.  Short term there may be 'extinction bursts', outbursts meant to coerce you to retreat into prior appeasement patterns.  Long term your boundaries will be the best thing for you.

You did what you had to do.  You shone the light of day on the issues.  Sadly, that's the way it is.  Anything less would have been self-sabotaging.  Do what you have to do.

[livednlearned]

He will be utterly incensed.  He has nothing on me (except that I left him) but I presume he will concoct lies, deny all, maybe come after me.

I'm hoping my lawyer isn't being too strong.  He said we need to stand up to the bullying or he will never stop.

You're doing great, ATC. Good that you let your employers know, and that you're taking precautions to be safe. Feeling the way you do is normal when you've been bullied for such a long time. It's not easy to stand up to a bully, and it feels much more formidable when it shows up in a legal document. When my lawyer made stuff about N/BPDx public in court documents, I panicked. My son told me that his dad had said, "Can I use your baseball bat to beat your mother?" And my lawyer put that in the motion for emergency custody. Exact words :'(  That nearly broke me -- I was terrified for my son and me.

But more times than not, it's the anticipation that's worse. And in my circumstance, my ex's worst outburst was not triggered by a specific event. I realized that I kept worrying about the stuff that would trigger him, except what really triggered him was out of my control, or something he invented in his mind. Meaning, taking a fact (me traveling on Valentine's Day) and turning into fiction (she is having an affair with someone), that doesn't even make sense (we aren't married anymore).

All this to say -- it's good that you are putting the facts out there so your case can move forward. This will help you get to that peaceful place you so deserve. You aren't doing it to be spiteful or mean, you're doing it because it happened, and it will have a positive outcome on your case.

[mt grl]

You are doing the right thing. I wish my DH had your attorney because he is absolutely right.

[marbleloser]

Good for your atty! It shows you mean business! That said,it won't mean a whole lot in court unless you have proof of the accusations.It's just a rebuttal. The problem I have is,your atty just showed all your cards in those 4 pages,so his atty will have time to come up with something,and you have to make sure you don't look like the disgruntled ex wife who's throwing everything at him because you're mad he filed.It's all theater!

As for being nervous,that's all part of it.Expect him to blow up,but DO NOT RESPOND! Only communicate by email from here on out.Keep it simple,yes or no. Save every email! It may come in handy later on. And,get a digital voice recorder and keep it running whenever you're around him! Keep a daily journal of events! Boring and tedious,but well worth it when you can't remember something.

Keep all of your receipts from purchases from here on out. You may need to show how much money you have going out as opposed to coming in.

[atcrossroads]

Great advice from all -- THANK YOU!

Marble - the one card not yet played is that I bought a house -- that will make his claims to spousal support a mute issue.  Also, he claims desertion over a year after our separation and 10-11 months since I've been gone?  We both work same job too and have no kids.  I just can't see how he has a case, and I just pray it plays out like that in court.

Livednlearned and all - I'm trying so hard to let go of the worry.  I bought pepper spray today, and like I said am being ultra cautious at work.  But, yeah, just waiting for the outburst is pretty nervewracking.  Hoping new girlfriend will provide some distraction.  !

Thanks all!  Will keep you posted.