Let me get this straight...

[BuildingFromScratch]

I gave my trust to a liar, my soul to a soul sucker, my love to the loveless, my understanding to the irrational, my innocence to the corrupt. But most importantly, I gave control to a small child. Hahahaha, I'm sorry but the irony here is just simply amazing.

[Ironmanrises]

Yes. An injustice. Beyond words.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yeah, so let's use it; the only useless pain is the pain we don't learn from.  Sure we got blindsided by a serious mental illness, and what a wake up call!  My naivety died as a result, and it had lived a long life, it was time to go.  There's the part about never falling for that again, women I meet are now under a shtload of scrutiny, probably a good thing.  And then there's the bigger part, the part where I kept going back for more in the face of abuse, where I tolerated belittling and condescension, where I violated my own values.  What's that about?  I why does a break-up with a borderline leave a much deeper scar than other ones?  Because a borderline has an uncanny knack of worming their way into our psyche and creating a bond that emulates our earliest from childhood, motivated by their need to attach, but that's irrelevant, they still did it, and it uncovers all our unfinished business.  So let's get busy, it's the best kind of work.

[santa]

I think BPD people are basically emotional black holes. No matter what emotions or feelings you put into it, it's just an empty vacuum.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I think BPD people are basically emotional black holes. No matter what emotions or feelings you put into it, it's just an empty vacuum.

I agree, I think it's because when you find all of your self worth in lies, the truth has a way of winning in the end. I'm going to trust my heart and not my beliefs from now on. My heart knew I couldn't trust her but I believed in lies and so I stayed.

[Pearl55]

Soo true. They are like chameleons. FAKE personalities, no sense of self, no identity, pathological liars ... .I'm so angry with myself. Such a waste of years. Crazy a##**.   

[fromheeltoheal]

Soo true. They are like chameleons. FAKE personalities, no sense of self, no identity, pathological liars ... .I'm so angry with myself. Such a waste of years. Crazy a##**.   

Yes!  Good distinction.  A borderline is who they are, and how long did we stay after we realized this was going to be abusive chaos till the end of time?  Sure, it was a bait and switch, at least mine sounded pretty reasonable for a while, but at some point it became obvious that staying with this person was going to be a living hell, but yet we stayed.  Why?  That is the most important question for me now, and the answers have been profound and nothing but growth.

[Pearl55]

Yes, GROWTH but at a very high price!

[bouchon226]

Santa,

I couldn't have said it better.  I can remember the first year of our marriage thinking wow what am I doing, he is not capable of love, honesty, empathy, stability…   No matter what I give, it won't matter.  Mostly because his parents and childhood will never change, and he can not get over it.  :)aily, I am told of how he is a victim and I have no idea what he's been through.  I was one day out of major surgery last year when he didn't like the tone I used when I asked for my medicine (since he decided to sleep in while I was up taking care of myself) so he told me that I have no idea what he went through growing up.  I wanted to smack him as I lying there in so much pain and he's telling me what he went through 30-40 years ago.  

He always says no one cares and does anything for him and he does stuff for everyone else...   So I planned a two week dream vacation for his 40th birthday to french wine country, but after a dozen or more of his outbursts prior to the trip, I didn't trust going with him.  He has already shown he doesn't know how to act on trips, even on our honeymoon, he acted like a total jerk to me and accused me of talking to some guy in the pool (I said Hi because it was a guy we had met at the bar the night before and I asked where his wife was).  One time on a plane when we were traveling for work, he had an outbursts and when I got embarrassed and put my head down to try to ignore him and make it go away, he started YELLING at me on the plane (in front of people) that I'd better listen to him and the longer I ignored him, the louder he was going to get.  So I cancelled the France trip out of fear that we would waste all that money while he acted like a jerk the whole time.  I came up with Plan B which was a beach cottage for a week.  Well, he only made it 4 days before he flipped out because I went out to read on the deck to get some peace and quiet, so he ripped up the card I gave him and THREW it in my face (the corner of the card cut me), and then when I tried to walk in the house to start packing my stuff (at this point I'm terrified of him), he grabbed my arms.  That was it for me.  I've been gracefully trying to exit since then.  No matter how many times I tell him it's over, he keeps saying I don't mean that even when I keep saying i DO mean that.  Just taking it day by day since we own a business together, I don't want to jeopardize any of that since it's my bread and butter.  But I'm getting to the point of who cares if I lose it all if it means not totally losing my sanity.

I think BPD people are basically emotional black holes. No matter what emotions or feelings you put into it, it's just an empty vacuum.