FOG and trying to stay strong

[nitric9]

Recently I moved out of the house that my uBPDbf and I shared after one of his rages over my abandonment (I didn't want to stay the night because he was being verbally abusive) got really ugly and hinged on putting me and our unborn daughter in harm's way. Now he goes between being "forever sorry for ruining everything and loving me forever" to "wishing he never met me, doesn't love me and plans to just get over me and move on" (and possibly move to the other side of the country abandoning me and our baby).

As the days go by that I'm not there he's become less concerned about his actions from this past week, and more interested in blaming me for our issues saying he'd go to couples counseling if I came home but won't get individualized help for his BPD. He's also spent time projecting and telling me I'm the one who needs help and medication and making it sound like our main problem is that I won't stick with him when things are "bad".

I cannot allow him to break me down and take him back yet. I don't feel safe after his actions from the other night and I want a good life for our daughter. He has to seek help and change on his own before I can just dive back in. But it's really hard staying away from someone I love when he's spending time breaking me down further and further by telling me how he's going to find other people, never care about me again etc. if I don't come home. I do really love him and I genuinely feel bad for him and wish I could help somehow. I'm also stuck in my mind wishing we could just be together and have this happy family and it's hard with him convincing me that that's what he wants too and if only I come back it will happen. But I've come back before and the same cycle occurs.

I feel so depressed over all of this. And I still have to move the rest of my stuff out of his house and set up shop in my new place (moved in with family) but only half of me wants to do that. My brain tells me I have to but it crushes my heart.   

[Surnia]

Hi nitric

I am really sorry, this is tough, expecting a baby and not being in a safe relationship. 

I would really put yours and your unborn's safety first! Go with your brain I am tempted to say. Yes, your heart will suffer for a while.   

Continue a possible violent relationship with ons and offs will bring a lot of suffering too.

Helping him is very difficult task. Its probably beyond your forces. Its something he has to do with professional support. And I would not rely on hope.

As for moving the rest of your stuff, please do it wise, with other male family members or friends around. I am really concerned about your safety.