Stayed two nights...

[Parents! Get help here!]

In a nutshell dd was lonely at weekend so went to strange boys house, stayed two nights took drugs she cant identify and slept with him.

To say she is traumatised is an understatement and she has been back and to to hospital twice(who were useless!) and wanted to go yet again but I got in her bed and cuddled her and she was very anxious paranoid and delusional (she's 22 but was like a baby!)

She is obviously staying at mine and in no fit state to be alone at her flat, where she thinks the man next door knows her every move at the best of times but she is ok to be left while we work, and was fine alone today,which is lucky as we are nearly broke after all the time off to care/buying her things she 'needs' that we have done the last few years.

Anyway Ive already annoyed one client by not turning up this morning but she seems to have just about accepted my explanation of things but now dd's CPN has asked me to bring her for a test to see which drug she has ingested on Friday.  I said we were free after work, she said either 11.30 or 2.30    we work till 5 ish!  So that's another client we must cancel, who will be unhappy.

My point is that when dd had her first breakdown we were pressured into making medical appointments almost every few days during work hours and it wreaked havoc with my work schedule and lost me about 50% of my clients which is how we came to use all our savings then start on credit cards in the first place.

I was a good manager of money before all this and now I just feel its in the lap of the gods whether I can get to work or not!  It took two years to rebuild our business to full capacity after last time.

I have no family to help except son but he also works fulltime!

These appointments screw us up, why can they never be after 4pm, which is doable usually?  I just feel so panicky can anyone suggest anything or at least help me calm down a bit?  :'(

[hopeangel]

In a nutshell dd was lonely at weekend so went to strange boys house, stayed two nights took drugs she cant identify and slept with him.

To say she is traumatised is an understatement and she has been back and to to hospital twice(who were useless!) and wanted to go yet again but I got in her bed and cuddled her and she was very anxious paranoid and delusional (she's 22 but was like a baby!)

She is obviously staying at mine and in no fit state to be alone at her flat, where she thinks the man next door knows her every move at the best of times but she is ok to be left while we work, and was fine alone today,which is lucky as we are nearly broke after all the time off to care/buying her things she 'needs' that we have done the last few years.

Anyway Ive already annoyed one client by not turning up this morning but she seems to have just about accepted my explanation of things but now dd's CPN has asked me to bring her for a test to see which drug she has ingested on Friday.  I said we were free after work, she said either 11.30 or 2.30    we work till 5 ish!  So that's another client we must cancel, who will be unhappy.

My point is that when dd had her first breakdown we were pressured into making medical appointments almost every few days during work hours and it wreaked havoc with my work schedule and lost me about 50% of my clients which is how we came to use all our savings then start on credit cards in the first place.

I was a good manager of money before all this and now I just feel its in the lap of the gods whether I can get to work or not!  It took two years to rebuild our business to full capacity after last time.

I have no family to help except son but he also works fulltime!

These appointments screw us up, why can they never be after 4pm, which is doable usually?  I just feel so panicky can anyone suggest anything or at least help me calm down a bit?  :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

hopeangel

I wish I had an answer for you... .you are in a tough place. I am a stay at home mom and although I wanted to reenter the workforce I really don't think I can until I feel my dd is somewhat stable for some time.

I don't if this is helpful but have you thought about changing jobs? One that gave you more flexibility?

Do you think your dd needs to be in a program that is more intense? Residential one? I am sorry I am not of much help. I can see you are in a tough spot. Hoping things get better.

[Kate4queen]

Forgive me for asking. She's 22, right?

My BPD son is also that age.

Is your DD capable of calling a taxi or getting on a bus to go to her appointments while you are working? It seems at the moment that everything you are trying to do revolves around her needs and that is breaking you financially, mentally and emotionally. I feel so bad for you. She made the decision to take the drugs and sleep with the boy so shouldn't she be the one sorting out the consequences of those choices and not you?

I'm not meaning to be judgmental, I'm just wondering why she's making this all about you having to sort it for her. It's very hard for you to juggle your work and none of us can do without an income.

[Bracken]

Hi Hopeangel

I'm not in a place right now where I have advice - but I do have a lot of empathy.

My H and I have gone through - are going through - a lot of the same. I am fortunate that I was able to retire a few years ago. Even before that, I tried not to work full-time. Because when I did, things went off the tracks.

I have only recently become aware that our D - like yours - has a really hard time being ALONE. My H and I made a  financial sacrifice to get D her own apt - not even a roommate - so that she would have no "distraction" with university studies. I thought she would be thrilled to have her "own" place for the first time - but she loathes it. And lately, she has been living with us mostly. Which is VERY inconvenient.

[peaceplease]

hopeangel,

Does your dd have a case manager?  If so, then have them help with those type of matters.  If not, I would recommend looking in to her getting one.  It takes a lot of pressure off of you.  I know that you must be exhausted!  I hope that you find  some help with all of this! 

I just read some of your older posts.  I can't imagine the pain that you must have been in after losing your parents, and your dd having breakdown!  You have really been through a lot! 

I think it is unfair for you to have to miss work!   

peaceplease

[hopeangel]

Thanks everybody!  I really appreciate your support!   

Kate I do think you are right in that she is responsible for her own appointments now and since she is recovering (ie coming down from the drugs -  she had a test and they found four different substances in her urine!) I am going to probably send her home at weekend!

She has started to become abusive to me but then sorry over and over last night, I took her out and she started screaming 'stop damaging me!' in the car so I drove straight back,  her moods are quite rapid cyling and she was sweet and kind one minute and trying to order me about angrily the next. Did not respond well when I told her she was in my home and not to pick at me, but I just said 'well as long as that's clear'.

She keeps getting angry with me for nothing, say scratching my face or something, then after a bit she'll say 'sorry we argued, it was just a misunderstanding!'. Then she will do it again and again, just over something I said, or anything really!

I know this is a sign of her feeling better because she now resents being so vulnerable and needing my help, which is always the way with her, after she has really leant on us she will start to rage.

I understand why but its too draining, not sure she needs us when she's that way and I need a break!  I am going to send her home maybe sunday, or before if she has another rage!

Peaceplease - she does have a case manager but even they do pressure me to get her to appointments as well if she stays at my house as it is a bit of a drive out but her own flat is in the town centre!  I have been advised in the past (by a mh nurse friend I have) to put my foot down when the NHS are running me ragged as she said it is out of order and I am entitled to go to work.  I think I find it difficult as I am just so grateful to them for all they do for dd but I do need to toughen up in every way really!

Thanks also for you kindness about the loss of my parents - I am surprised I didn't end up in the hospital myself sometimes but I always seem to press on somehow!

I appreciate every answer thanks to all of you! It can be lonely at these times as we all experience!