UK Help

[Boofie68]

Hi All. I'm new to this message board and it is wonderful to find others that understand. I have a 14 year old daughter. Her psychiatrist tells me that she has all the symptoms of BPD but that they don't diagnose it under 18 years old nor will they fund DBT. She is just about to be sent home after her 3rd stay this year in an adolescent unit for attempting suicide and I was told that she does not have a mental illness but that her self harming and suicide attempts are behavioural and only for attention. She has had a very chaotic 3 years and has missed a lot of her education. She currently gets an hour tutoring a day at home as she won't go to school but is very peer isolated and lonely. I wonder if anyone in the UK has had any experience of therapeutic residential schools and anyone's opinion of therapeutic communities in the US? Thank you so much. Boogie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Boogie, 



I don't have experience with therapeutic residential schools in the UK, but I wanted to post a warm welcome here.

This must be so hard for you - trying to find the best options for your daughter while the therapeutic community seems to be of little help... . 

We may or may not be able to answer this particular question for you, but I wanted to let you know we want to be there for you for support, to share and learn how to cope, as this disorder can be very taxing on the parents of these children.

Does your daughter's psychiatrist have any suggestions of what could be done in the meantime, before your daughter reaches 18?

How are you holding up yourself, do you have friends or family members that know and understand what's going on?

[Boofie68]

Hi thanks for getting back to me. I'm generally holding up OK. Sadly I've become desensitised to a lot of the goings on and things that I would have been horrified by 3 years ago have now become almost 'normal'. I am struggling this weekend however as my d has become even worse in the unit, more suicidal, and had to be restrained and medicated on one occasion as she was kicking off. I'm feeling quite tearful and can't believe things have come to this. Luckily I have a couple of very understanding friends and my family are supportive although not sure that they really understand.

Psychiatrists have been very vague about what to do to help my d as she has insisted she won't engage with therapy plus though won't diagnose BPD in under 18s. I have paid privately for 2 different CBT therapists in the past but of course she didn't like either of them and wouldn't participate in any tasks. I think that is the most frustrating thing that my d just doesn't seem to want to help herself.

Has anyone had experience of McLean Hospital residential adolescent treatment, I'm reading the book by Blaise and Aguirre at this stage am desperate enough to try anything.

Thanks again for reply and hope all is well with you and yours. [/quote]

[pessim-optimist]

Here is an article you might like from the McLean:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy

McLean comes highly recommended AND is expensive. There are multiple threads here in which McLean is mentioned. I will try to find if there is something you could use.

In the meantime, this might be a link you migh find useful:

It is a sub-board of the Parenting board dedicated to Residential Treatment Centers, Hospitaizations etc.

Archive: Hospitalization, RTCs, and IOPs

[pessim-optimist]

I'm feeling quite tearful and can't believe things have come to this. Luckily I have a couple of very understanding friends and my family are supportive although not sure that they really understand.

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry Boogie, I was running off to bed yesterday, trying to help you out with the McLean, and my eyes skipped over the first paragraph... .

You must be going through hell right now. 

This must be so tough, especially during the holiday season... .

At least for now your dd is safe?

I have been reading through the threads about McLean and found some posts/threads for you. They are lower in this post. Bottom line, it looks like your daughter needs some serious help and you know it, the professional community is not too helpful at this point. Parents often end up with the difficult task to find the necessary help and make things happen. It is so tough... .

We are here to support you as you are looking for the best options for your daughter. McLean might be your option, you may find some other facility that might be ideal for your situation. The following are just some of our members' stories:

lbjnltx, one of our emeritus members, and her daughter went through another Residential Treatment facility. Her long thread is the whole journey. Her daughter is now several years older and still in remission:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120563.0

I have been reading throught he threads about Mc Lean, and so far, these two posts seem to be really relevant:

This lady seems to be really familiar with the McLean (the whole first thread might have good information for you)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=197238.msg12173495#msg12173495

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=212681.msg12337456#msg12337456

This guy has gone through the process too, but his daughter did not cooperate, eventually she was placed somewhere else. The second link is his thread about that.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=212681.msg12337802#msg12337802

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=212123.0

This is a lot of links, they hopefully you will be able to use some of that information for your situation.

But don't feel like you have to read through them all before posting again, ok?

If you have any other questions, or just want to share, please ask/post right away... .

[Boofie68]

Phew. Just having a breather after the Xmas madness. Reading your links now. Thank you so much for all your help. Really appreciate it now. Hope you had a peaceful Christmas and you have a fab 2014. Boogie

[pessim-optimist]

 Same to you! Take it easy... .