Confusing turn

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello,

it's been a rough past week. I've been thinking constantly about whether I should stay or leave. My wife's mood has been very low. Then last night it changed on a dime. Why? Because she talked to one of her childhood friends on the phone for an hour.

I could hear when she took the phone that she was cheerful, and it continued afterward. Even made conversation at dinner. And I of course tagged along - I always tag along. When going to bed she said goodnight very nicely and asked me about the movie I was watching (hasn't happened in several years).

Now this is of course very confusing, but similar things have happened before. I'm wondering if it could be a sign that she is depressed?

This now makes me feel guilty for thinking about leaving her. It also makes me feel sorry for her.

[empathic]

Hello,

it's been a rough past week. I've been thinking constantly about whether I should stay or leave. My wife's mood has been very low. Then last night it changed on a dime. Why? Because she talked to one of her childhood friends on the phone for an hour.

I could hear when she took the phone that she was cheerful, and it continued afterward. Even made conversation at dinner. And I of course tagged along - I always tag along. When going to bed she said goodnight very nicely and asked me about the movie I was watching (hasn't happened in several years).

Now this is of course very confusing, but similar things have happened before. I'm wondering if it could be a sign that she is depressed?

This now makes me feel guilty for thinking about leaving her. It also makes me feel sorry for her.

[maxsterling]

I'm pretty much in the same boat right now.  She gave me something very touching as a Christmas gift.  I can tell she truly does love me, although a large component of that love feels more like addiction or enmeshment.  And I can tell she truly wants a future with me, and the past few weeks she has apologized for bad behavior.  Not deep apologies, but it's better than nothing.

But the constant negative attitude for the past 6 months has me about ready to jump to the leaving board.  She has no hobbies, interests, friends, or ANYTHING that brings her joy other than me.  She finds something bad or negative about everything.  I just can't take it anymore; it's killing me.

And then the Christmas gift, and suddenly I feel really guilty about searching for ways out of this relationship.  the guilt stinks

[an0ught]

Hi empathic,

I could hear when she took the phone that she was cheerful, and it continued afterward. Even made conversation at dinner. And I of course tagged along - I always tag along. When going to bed she said goodnight very nicely and asked me about the movie I was watching (hasn't happened in several years).

pwBPD are emotionally instable and rapid shifting of emotions (especially reactive shifting due to external input) is typical. Her friend may have yanked her out of the blues and provided a healthy dose of validation. And she is behaving now as if she is feeling totally different - and she is.

it's been a rough past week. I've been thinking constantly about whether I should stay or leave. My wife's mood has been very low.

These days around Christmas and New Year especially hard  . Often pwBPD mirror our own feelings. How are you feeling at the moment? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79772.0