husband does not see the problem... he is gone from 6:30 to 6:30 every work day

[bubby827]

I have to deal with her continually,  If there is a problem I deal with it.  The other night it was just the two of us home and I just started crying... .he said whats up and I said D is out of control and I don't know how much more I can take.  In stead of comforting me he said quick obsession over it.  Later I sat on the couch and was still crying and he said whats up with you I told him once again and he got up and left.  I feel so alone in all this my daughter is mean and one min happy, Lies continuously, got kicked out of school and I have her with me most of the time.  It is like have a 3 year old again.

I feel like a horrible   Mom that wants to be away from her when ever my husband is home.  I resent the continuing drama.  I love my husband but I am pissed he is not helping that he just goes on like nothing is happening.  It is putting a wedge in between us and I don't know what to do any more. 

I am not looking forward to spending Christmas Day with her because it is always how I screw things up.  I feel so beaten down and tired.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[muffetbuffet]

bubby827 -- So sorry to hear things are so stressful for you right now and also that you have minimal support dealing with the situation. I also have a daughter that I would consider "out of control" some days.  There are times that I hate being around and having to deal with her.  It is a normal reaction.  Don't beat yourself up about this.  Is there someone else that you could talk to or confide in since you have little support at home?  As for dealing with the holiday, take it one step at a time.  Choose what battles you are willing to fight.  It can be difficult, but in the long run it is worth it.  My husband and I agreed that this year we were not going to battle our daughter about going to church.  She was given the oppportunity to go but chose not to.  We had no further discussion about the situation.  We managed to have a nice meal together for Christmas Eve with daughter and boyfriend.  They then left and went to his house.  My husband and I went to church alone and celebrated the joyus holiday with no issues from daughter.  Although I would have liked to had everyone at church, it was not worth fighting about.  Instead I had to settle for a few hours at home as a peaceful, family. In the end, everyone came out a "winner".  Is it possible to talk with your husband early in the day to map out a plan for the day?  Are there some things that you could maybe give in a little in order to keep the peace?  In the end you may end up having a better day and one without all of the battles.  Hope you have an enjoyable Christmas.  Let us know how it all turns out.

[crazedncrazymom]

Awww     I am so sorry you're not getting the support you need.  It's hard enough to deal with a child who has BPD and then adding an unsupportive husband makes it even harder.  Have you gone to counseling with him?  Sometimes it's helpful having a third person tell him how you feel and that you need support when he comes home.  We have a counselor now and she noticed the same thing with me and my husband.  I would say something.  I was clear about how I felt and what I needed.  It went right over his head.  He just couldn't hear me.  Then she would repeat exactly what I said to him and he would hear her and understand.  It's weird and I still don't understand it but I'm happier.

We have many tools listed on the right hand side of the screen.  It would be wonderful if you could take some time to read them.  We have found that when we work on ourselves and change the way we respond to our BPD kids it has a huge impact on how they respond.  I'd start with the third lesson.  It is helpful to take time for ourselves when emotions are high.  We can't control how other people act, but we can control and change how we react.  It's amazing how different a situation can turn out when you learn and apply the skills that are taught at this site.

I hope your Christmas is peaceful!

-crazed