Self harm - 2 cuts from wrist to elbow

[starshine]

One might take note of the differencebetween self harming and  suicide attempts.

When one cuts, if the cuts are across the arm (right to left) they are cutting. If the cut is from wrist to elbow, that is a suicide attempt.

It is an attempt to control something. Usually a time of stress. Others here have described the addictive quality of cutting due to the chemicals released in the body.

I also think that people that insist on surgeries, and broken bones, accident prone, etc are also self harming.

Tattoos, piercings etc are the socially acceptable way of self harm.

This style of harm is from the Africans. Tribes would decorate and pierce their bodies as rituals.

This really scares me- my ud19, a recently self proclaimed cutter with an eating disorder, came home with 2 cuts from her wrist to her elbow.  She had been drinking liquor with her 26yr old bf, his friends puring while they celebrated his birthday.  They woke up hungover, and had to go and get her stitches.  My daughter joined the military a little over a year ago, with great encouragement from her uASPD/NPD/BPD father.  She hates it.  Her bf is also in the military- seems like a nice guy- immature, but nice.  He obviously cares for her, and was freaked out by her actions.  

I'm not sure how to support her in her healing.  I expressed my concern, especially about infection.  She lives 6 time zones away from me.  I send her a card/letter every week, frequent texts throughout the week, a monthly care package.  I wrote to her chief from A-School expressing my concern for her (yes, I contacted the military to try to get my kid help).  She is now on a bunch of meds that I think are doing more harm than good.  And she is spending very little time on her leave with me.  She is spending the vast majority of her time at her father's, where crazy is normalized.  He is PD'd and the stepmom is eating disordered.  I will hopefully be able to drive her to the airport tomorrow, so I get that 2 hours with her and the bf, but her dad may step in.  Out of the 6 days she has been on leave, I have only seen her a handful of hours.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi starshine,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.   What did the ER say when she went in for stitches?  Drs are usually aware of possible suicide attempts.  It must be so scary having your daughter live so far away and self harming. I'm also concerned that her medications may have caused this latest cutting/suicide attempt.  I always get worried when my own daughter's medications are changed.  Do you think your daughter would talk to you if you told her how worried you are?

I'm sure it is much easier for her to be at her dads house where there aren't as many expectations for her.  What a shame.  I'm so sorry you didn't get to see her more. 

[starshine]

Hmmmm, good questions.  When I asked her what the doctors said, she said "That I'll heal up fine and I have antibiotics that they told me to take."  I am concerned it is her medications/birth control cocktail that is fueling this.  She has called me in the past when she is really down and having a hard time- she does share a lot with me, seemingly more than with her father.  But who knows?  I was not able to spend very much time with her at all- I spend 90 minutes with her on Christmas Eve and she avoided me on Christmas Day all day.  I drove her and her boyfriend to the airport today and expressed myself.  At first she jumped in saying I was judging her, but I used SET skills and I feel we were able to have a conversation and she was able to hear my concern.  She has an appointment with the therapist when she gets back to base early next week.  She does this thing, where she complains about being at her dad's house but then she will text her step-mom constantly, referring to her as her mom (this is also new since going into the military- maybe she always called her mom behind my back, but she does it openly now.)  That, coupled with d19 avoiding me, is pretty hurtful, but I'll get over it.  She is just trying to push my buttons.

[crazedncrazymom]

Isn't it great when you use a new skill you have learned and find it works?  I love that you used SET to disarm your daughter and was able to have a conversation with her.  I still get so tickled when I use SET or validation and am able to steer a conversation away from the cliff.

I imagine it would be pretty hurtful to hear your daughter call another woman mom.  I'm not sure I would have been able to keep quiet.  Great job not responding.    Sounds like you have a wonderful healthy outlook about this situation. 

-crazed