S15 sleeping in.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

S15 has been lazy over the winter break - sleeping in til noon, watching TV a lot.

I thought about it yesterday and this morning had a talk with him.  My purpose was to establish more structure:

* No TV til all your jobs are done - your room clean, your bathroom clean, the cat fed, etc.

* Clear the snow off the (very long) driveway, unless it's more than 2 inches - then I'll help.

* Max 2 hours of TV a day, except if we all watch a movie in the evening.

* If you cheat on that, you'll lose TV privileges for a time.

He took it very well and got all those jobs done (no snow today).  No push-back at all, at least so far.

He has books to read, and he can exercise more.  He might cheat by using the computer in his room, and then I'll have to deal with that - he can be devious.

But that's not the sense I got - he seemed to accept it as fair and reasonable.  The timing probably helped - he had a good day yesterday - gifts etc.

[Matt]

S15 has been lazy over the winter break - sleeping in til noon, watching TV a lot.

I thought about it yesterday and this morning had a talk with him.  My purpose was to establish more structure:

* No TV til all your jobs are done - your room clean, your bathroom clean, the cat fed, etc.

* Clear the snow off the (very long) driveway, unless it's more than 2 inches - then I'll help.

* Max 2 hours of TV a day, except if we all watch a movie in the evening.

* If you cheat on that, you'll lose TV privileges for a time.

He took it very well and got all those jobs done (no snow today).  No push-back at all, at least so far.

He has books to read, and he can exercise more.  He might cheat by using the computer in his room, and then I'll have to deal with that - he can be devious.

But that's not the sense I got - he seemed to accept it as fair and reasonable.  The timing probably helped - he had a good day yesterday - gifts etc.

[DreamGirl]

Finals are also exhausting for his age.

My kids have been pretty lazy too.

As a matter of fact.

So have I. 

[Matt]

Yeah, he studied quite a bit for finals, and did OK I think - he waited til the last few days to study - not the most mature strategy - but my sense is he did pretty well.

And he usually helps around the house pretty well.  So I think he deserves some down-time - I have no problem with him relaxing quite a bit over the holidays.

But I've found that adding structure in moderation helps.  His acceptance of what I told him this morning tells me he knows, at some level, that it's a good thing.  (At least I think that's what it means... .)

[livednlearned]

How is he doing overall, Matt? I'm sorry -- I haven't been following if you've already posted about his depression. I remember that he saw a doctor, who reported that S15 was potentially depressed. Did he start seeing a counselor?

[Matt]

How is he doing overall, Matt? I'm sorry -- I haven't been following if you've already posted about his depression. I remember that he saw a doctor, who reported that S15 was potentially depressed. Did he start seeing a counselor?

I think he's doing well.

He's seen the counselor a few times and that went OK.  She encouraged him to try meditation.  I think she sounds pretty passive - might be an OK thing but I don't know if she is exactly taking the bull by the horns.  Once a month.

We shifted the schedule at about that same time - September - so he's at my place most of the time now, except when I travel - one or two nights a week, most weeks.  I'm focusing on more structure for him, as in this thread.

Last week he asked me if thought he should audition for the school musical and I said sure:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=215839.msg12362811#lastPost

Still some conflict with D17.  I've had a chance to listen in more over the break.  My perception is, they're both childish and argumentative around each other, but not other times, and D17 stomps off - I told her, "If you guys aren't getting along you can just leave the room rather than let things escalate" so she kind of passive-aggressively goes to her room and nothing is resolved, but at least it doesn't get worse.

Generally I think they're both doing OK.  S15 has done better with getting up, getting stuff done, and not watching too much TV, the last few days.

Today he was very difficult - threw a little fit because he forgot his wallet at Mom's house and I wouldn't take him back.  (He'll get it tomorrow.)  But he calmed down and was fine the rest of the day.

Tomorrow and Sunday we'll take a little trip - a few hours to do some shopping, see a movie, and then visit their big brother Sunday morning.  More time together than either of the kids would prefer, but they like seeing their brother - it's been a few months... .

[Free One]

S15 has been lazy over the winter break - sleeping in til noon, watching TV a lot.

I thought about it yesterday and this morning had a talk with him.  My purpose was to establish more structure:

* No TV til all your jobs are done - your room clean, your bathroom clean, the cat fed, etc.

* Clear the snow off the (very long) driveway, unless it's more than 2 inches - then I'll help.

* Max 2 hours of TV a day, except if we all watch a movie in the evening.

* If you cheat on that, you'll lose TV privileges for a time.

He took it very well and got all those jobs done (no snow today).  No push-back at all, at least so far.

He has books to read, and he can exercise more.  He might cheat by using the computer in his room, and then I'll have to deal with that - he can be devious.

But that's not the sense I got - he seemed to accept it as fair and reasonable.  The timing probably helped - he had a good day yesterday - gifts etc.

Sounds like he does better with structure, but doesn't have the self discipline skills to do it for himself yet. Your structure should help him internalize that! Nice job. Thanks for sharing too. It's a good reminder for me to provide some structure too.