Intuition vs Paranoia

[LilMissSunshine]

For 5 1/2 years I completely ignored my intuition when it came to my exBPDbf.  Right now I seem to be secretly judging people.  For example, trying to analyze everything people do including those I've known forever.  I know deep down inside this is foolish but I can't help it; there is nothing wrong with them, seriously anyway   .  I am in no way ready to date again but when the time comes how do you distinguish between intuition and plain old paranoia?  I fear I will always be looking for a "sign" now.  In other words I always gave people the benefit of the doubt; everyone is good.  Now I think I've flip flopped and I see (or am looking for) the bad first.  I don't want to be this way.  Any tips for getting over this?

[seeking balance]

For 5 1/2 years I completely ignored my intuition when it came to my exBPDbf.  Right now I seem to be secretly judging people.  For example, trying to analyze everything people do including those I've known forever.  I know deep down inside this is foolish but I can't help it; there is nothing wrong with them, seriously anyway  .  I am in no way ready to date again but when the time comes how do you distinguish between intuition and plain old paranoia?  I fear I will always be looking for a "sign" now.  In other words I always gave people the benefit of the doubt; everyone is good.  Now I think I've flip flopped and I see (or am looking for) the bad first.  I don't want to be this way.  Any tips for getting over this?

Time

We sometimes find our balance by going from one extreme to the other.  The fact you are aware and "trying on" new ways of relating in the world is a good thing.

With time and new perspectives, you will loosen up and learn to trust yourself again.

I was joking with some friends recently (they have been through the divorce and all with me) that I "saw BPD everywhere for a while.  They said, "yeah, we know" 

It balances out with time and practicing new patterns.  5 years of ignoring our own gut will take time to reprogram learning how to trust that again.

Peace,

SB

[LilMissSunshine]

Thank you and I hope so SB.  I'm more the glass is half full kind of girl and all these little things (when I catch myself judging someone) that randomly take over my thoughts really set me back.

[seeking balance]

Thank you and I hope so SB.  I'm more the glass is half full kind of girl and all these little things (when I catch myself judging someone) that randomly take over my thoughts really set me back.

It is important in how you talk to yourself - don't judge yourself for judging another, instead - reframe the scenario and reprogram your thought process.

[Waifed]

For 5 1/2 years I completely ignored my intuition when it came to my exBPDbf.  Right now I seem to be secretly judging people.  For example, trying to analyze everything people do including those I've known forever.  I know deep down inside this is foolish but I can't help it; there is nothing wrong with them, seriously anyway  .  I am in no way ready to date again but when the time comes how do you distinguish between intuition and plain old paranoia?  I fear I will always be looking for a "sign" now.  In other words I always gave people the benefit of the doubt; everyone is good.  Now I think I've flip flopped and I see (or am looking for) the bad first.  I don't want to be this way.  Any tips for getting over this?

Time

We sometimes find our balance by going from one extreme to the other.  The fact you are aware and "trying on" new ways of relating in the world is a good thing.

With time and new perspectives, you will loosen up and learn to trust yourself again.

I was joking with some friends recently (they have been through the divorce and all with me) that I "saw BPD everywhere for a while.  They said, "yeah, we know"  

It balances out with time and practicing new patterns.  5 years of ignoring our own gut will take time to reprogram learning how to trust that again.

Peace,

SB

I brought up this subject with my "P".  He basically said that I would slowly get better and when I least expected it I would find someone.  He told me not to force the issue but just let it play out.  I can't even imagine dating anyone right now but at the same time worry that I won't find anyone.  Time should heal all of this.

Borderlines are now easy to spot on dating sites!  It is almost comical but at the same time disheartening. 

[Turkish]

For 5 1/2 years I completely ignored my intuition when it came to my exBPDbf.  Right now I seem to be secretly judging people.  For example, trying to analyze everything people do including those I've known forever.  I know deep down inside this is foolish but I can't help it; there is nothing wrong with them, seriously anyway  .  I am in no way ready to date again but when the time comes how do you distinguish between intuition and plain old paranoia?  I fear I will always be looking for a "sign" now.  In other words I always gave people the benefit of the doubt; everyone is good.  Now I think I've flip flopped and I see (or am looking for) the bad first.  I don't want to be this way.  Any tips for getting over this?

I was always good at judging people, even as a little kid. I zeroed in on the fact that my now X was socially anxious and didn't trust people the first time I saw her across a room.

That fact that I proceeded courting her both as a friend (during which the first push/pull dynamic and then love bombing-- as a friend--- started), and then as a lover and later a mother says it all about me. I knew all along I was rescuing a lonely little girl trapped in a woman's body, but I still did it.

So with my regard to judging people, no, I still stand by it. I don't, however, quite trust myself when it comes to the opposite sex yet. since I ignored so many things while being aware of them at the same time.

[LivingLearning]

Not sure this is relevant, but one thing I've thought of a lot is how as my relationship got harder and harder, and i was noticing all the signs and everything was saying "run!", I'd get really quiet and my gut would say "stay". (With her )

  Then finally my guy said "time to go."

This is all fascinating to me, the difference between intellect and instinct.

And who knows, maybe my staying with her taught me something I wanted to learn. In which case I suppose I could be ironically thankful for the experience, and blame seems useless (though I often do it).

I read a good book on "gut instinct" awhile ago. Seems good to figure out the balance of when to listen to what... .