I haven't heard that phrase in easily over 20 years, if not more. My father (who I loved dearly and passed when I was 21) used to say: "Enough is Enough".
Well, now I say:
"Enough is Enough".
I am the only one to blame for the situation in which I am now, for my misery, my depression, my slothliness. If I want my life to improve, I need to start taking responsibility.
I have to stop waiting for my uBPDh to make a move first because it's not about him (not to mention he just never will because of this illness); this journey is about me.
If I want my life to change, I have to work on myself; I have to allow myself to work on myself. I have to stop living in the "FOG" (fear, obligation, guilt).
I have to do the work because I should know these things about myself regardless or whether or not my uBPDh is around.
This is something I should've figured out about myself in college, but since I got involved with my uBPDh right off the bat, I didn't.
So I begin by asking myself: "What are my values"?
Here are the links to the reading I've been doing:
Boundaries: Living our Values:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries The Gnome Exercise:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries My values:
1. I value cleanliness. I value a comfortable, clean and safe home.
2. I value timeliness.
3. I value hard work.
4. I value consistency.
5. I value emotional intelligence (the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically)
6. I value creativity and self-expression through art.
This one, ironically enough because I built my professional life around art, brings tears to my eyes. Maybe because for one reason or another, I feel that it is wrong to act on this value. Maybe because I’ve allowed this value to become victim/play the martyr to my feelings of failure when in reality, it is I who am to blame for my thin boundaries.
I'm going to sit on these values for a bit and re-read them and re-evaluate. Once I'm comfortable with my list, I will begin to create a list of consequences (for my family and myself) if any of my boundaries are challenged.