Something to ask yourself

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This just dawned on me and I think will be part of the final decision process I will be making... .

If my son or daughter or another loved one came to me and asked if they should stay or leave a relationship just like the one we are in... . what advice would you give them?

If the advice we would give applies to someone we love it should be certainly apply to ourselves.

Think about it.

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

This just dawned on me and I think will be part of the final decision process I will be making... .

If my son or daughter or another loved one came to me and asked if they should stay or leave a relationship just like the one we are in... . what advice would you give them?

If the advice we would give applies to someone we love it should be certainly apply to ourselves.

Think about it.

[janey62]

I would advise them to leave, stay far away and never go back!  I would advise them to do whatever it takes to get strong enough that they were never in that situation again.  If my son came to me now and told me he was in such a relationship I would be devastated and not get a minutes peace until he was safe.

My younger brother was in a relationship with a girl who I now believe had BPD.  They had split up, but after a year were still seeing each other every day.   

My brother was trying to move on and had started to see someone else.  His ex gf committed suicide suddenly out of the blue one day, knowing that he would find her body.  My dear brother did the same 3 days later... . he was 26.

Now Im asking myself this question and also the question of how did I get in this mess?

[waverider]

We are not someone else, we can only be objective, about what others do.  We cannot take into account personal attraction/affection/feelings of love. It is these aspects that keep us human and not acting cold calculating and objective about our own lives.

Objectivity is important, but it is not the whole picture.

Our truth is just our truth from our perspective, no one elses.

[MammaMia]

Janey62

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. 

One of the things that frightens me most is that we never REALLY know what is going on in a BPD mind.  Your brother was the victim of his exBPDgf.  Suicide and guilt are tools directed at the living specifically to create disaster.

Once the decision is made, there is very little anyone can do to save a life.  I hope you are able to forgive your brother and heal.  Stay strong.

[janey62]

Yes MammaMia,

I forgave him because I knew he didn't mean to do it and was caught up in an emotional nightmare. I spent those last 3 days with him and saw that he was broken. 

My mother also committed suicide; was probably BPD too.  She left a note accusing my poor stepfather of causing her death by his inadequacy.  I think that is the cruelest thing I ever saw her do... .

Thanks for your comforting words... .

Jane 

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Janey-

So sorry for all the losses. I hope you have or are achieving the peace that you deserve.