Forced his way in to my flat...

[janey62]

I'm so very shaken up right now... . My uBPbf used the key he has and let himself into my flat tonight univited.  He had been drinking heavily and I was already in bed and all the lights were off.

I'd put the latch down on the lock so he had to use some force to open the door which made a lot of noise.  I leapt out of bed and found him wandering across the lounge in the dark towards me.  I nearly fainted with fear!

He has been trying to have long talks with my via text all evening, starting off abusive, but when I threatened to switch off my phone he said he was lonely and needs me and is sorry for being abusive.  I told him that we needed to talk when he is sober.  He accused me of not loving him any more, of hating him and so on and so on, backing me into a corner of frustration and misery!

So there he was when I put the light on, swaying.  I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to see me, even though I told him earlier that I didn't want to see him tonight.  I lost it with him completely, my heart and whole body shaking, and yelled at him and practically threw him out the door.  I asked him why he thinks its ok to drink all evening, send me endless texts and then come and see me once he's done drinking and feeling sorry for himself?  I was so angry I told him never to come near me when he's drunk again!  I snatched his key back too! 

Doubt I'm gonna sleep much tonight and now feel worried because I've not lost it like that for ages, if ever... . it was a reaction to the shock and a build up of frustration.

I was offered a job today!  It's going to change everything and I had such a great day, ending in the usual onslaught of accusations and mind bending crap from him.  He may be feeling more insecure than usual because of this I know, and he seems to be digging himself a hole which is now so deep that he can't get out in terms of alienating me, then wanting me near again, then pushing me away.  I feel sorry for him because he can't seem to stop and he sees that too.  He looks awful and I wish there was something I could do, but I know there isn't anything apart from taking care of myself.  Its all imploding!

[Seneca]

first, congratulations on the job offer!  that's great! i hope it is perfect for you and you have great reason to take it.

i am so sorry you were ambushed like that. if it happens again (now that he doesn't have a key) be ready and willing to call authorities. he is just desperate, and threatened by the job probably.

you do NOT need to put up with this anymore. do what you need to for yourself... . you can't help him.

[janey62]

Thanks Seneca,

In a way it came to that last night because I wasn't able to put the boundary in earlier, but hey, it's there now and I'm only just starting to learn what this is and that I need to be putting in boundaries at all!

The job, ironically, is working in a prison, a famous big old English prison on a moor, as a Recovery Worker, with addicts.  Helping them get their lives back on track, its what I do, though not usually in my personal life.  Its so much easier and more appropriate helping people you're not emotionally attached to.  I am really excited and looking forward to getting back to work after a 3 month break. 

Thank you for your encouragement.  Hope things are ok with you? 

Jane x