Fruit bowl mystery

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This is weird and although I try to stop understanding BPD ex husbands behaviour, I have been trying to work this out, so I though I'd ask the audience.

We're separated 5 months with 16 month old baby, ex never connected to child before or after separation, visits are haphazard and as few as 1-2 every 4 weeks, sometimes only 20 mins in length.

Breaks my heart for the bub but then I think maybe he's dodging a bullet.

Here is the fruit bowl connection.

He refuses to help me with private health cover and specialist medical bills not factored into basic child support ( I'm asking for $140 a month for these costs) BUT he randomly  leaves $50 notes in my fruit bowl at home when he has been to visit our son.

He doesn't say anything about it but then he doesn't really talk to me at all.

In the last month there has been $150, more than what I'm asking for!

What is this about?

Cccccrrrraaaaaayyyy.

[Kayvee]

This is weird and although I try to stop understanding BPD ex husbands behaviour, I have been trying to work this out, so I though I'd ask the audience.

We're separated 5 months with 16 month old baby, ex never connected to child before or after separation, visits are haphazard and as few as 1-2 every 4 weeks, sometimes only 20 mins in length.

Breaks my heart for the bub but then I think maybe he's dodging a bullet.

Here is the fruit bowl connection.

He refuses to help me with private health cover and specialist medical bills not factored into basic child support ( I'm asking for $140 a month for these costs) BUT he randomly  leaves $50 notes in my fruit bowl at home when he has been to visit our son.

He doesn't say anything about it but then he doesn't really talk to me at all.

In the last month there has been $150, more than what I'm asking for!

What is this about?

Cccccrrrraaaaaayyyy.

[ForeverDad]

Most courts, describing the USA where I live, will ignore payments not ordered by the court and view them as "gifts" and not payments.  So, at worst, him paying in this manner and in this way that pleases him does you little or no harm from a legal perspective.  If there are no court orders yet then likely there's nothing to be done, either with your requests or his payments.  However, if you've already filed, then the legal process is in motion and it's quite possible that when a court order is issued it could be retroactive back to the date of filing and ignore prior "gifts".  A lawyer could tell you what usually happens in those scenarios.

[livednlearned]

My ex (at least offered) random acts of kindness during the early stages of my divorce, and even now, while we are mired in third-year court fiascos, he will do things that seem altruistic. Always sandwiched by more difficult behavior.

If, as FD said, there is no harm in accepting the money, then by all means, use it to help pay your bills. My experience is that all kind acts from my ex were followed by a blamefest of some kind (I didn't thank him enough, didn't appreciate it enough, I am selfish and greedy, I am entitled, I am a narcissist, all I love is myself). After years of this, I just learned to focus on my values and boundaries, and do what feels right in my own heart, according to my own circumstances, based on what I know to be true about N/BPDx's fairly predictable behavior. I have an imaginary windshield, and I just let his behavior hit my windshield, and then I clear it away, and respond or don't respond based on how best to take care of myself and S12.