Some real life excerpts

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Sounds like it was a lot of "you did this, you do that, you are this, you are that" from you with her trying to defend herself to me frankly.

K... . let me get you her number then... . Go out with her and see just how wrong I am... . I can hook you up.  I think I was fully justified in telling her that I didn't appreciate the accusations nor her blowing off acting like a whore.

You posted the examples, I'm just telling you what I'm reading.  Go back and look at how may "You... . !" are in there from you.  How else do you expect anybody to respond when you're getting a bombardment of "You... . !".  Sorry that it wasn't the reply or sympathy that you're seeking.

Totally cool... . I appreciate the feedback... . Here’s  some mor of the back story on me blowing up on her…In addition to being accused just then of checking out a 15 year old girl…(this was a Saturday night) she had accused me earlier in the week or “making up” that I had to take my father to the hospital on Sunday.  That one blew me away.  So instead of being with my dad Saturday night to get up and take him to the hospital, I spent the night with her to keep the “fires” out.  I had ENOUGH of her at that point.  So much a belly full.  She needed someone to bombard her with some "YOU".  I’d been hearing it for 14 months.  So I was going to get up from her palce on Sunday and go get him... . which was  incredibly out my way... . but I did it to keep her happy.  She KNEW I had to do this the next morning... . So instead of being compassionate... . or caring... . or giving anything that resmebled a damn about me... . my father... . or my family even... . , she chose to pick a fight with me over something ridiculous... . SO yeah... . I had enough... . I blew up... . and I was sorry for the hurtful things I said, but she needed to hear what I felt instead of me just letting her  bully me constantly.  There is only so much I am gonna let someone kick me in the stomach on the ground... .

It's all good and yes, I'm sure that there is a TON of backstory that could be given that would make a lot more sense of those text messages than just reading those in the context presented.  Trust me, I wanted to send mine all kinds of stuff like that but didn't.  Oh I wrote it all out but just filed it away on my computer - just in case.  No need to stir the hornets nest... . just quietly slipping away from port praying that I don't sink in the process... .

You oughta read the "letter" that I will never send.  Just venting... . It's pretty harsh.  Maybe I should share it ith yall... .

[shellsh0cked]

Sounds like it was a lot of "you did this, you do that, you are this, you are that" from you with her trying to defend herself to me frankly.

K... . let me get you her number then... . Go out with her and see just how wrong I am... . I can hook you up.  I think I was fully justified in telling her that I didn't appreciate the accusations nor her blowing off acting like a whore.

You posted the examples, I'm just telling you what I'm reading.  Go back and look at how may "You... . !" are in there from you.  How else do you expect anybody to respond when you're getting a bombardment of "You... . !".  Sorry that it wasn't the reply or sympathy that you're seeking.

Totally cool... . I appreciate the feedback... . Here’s  some mor of the back story on me blowing up on her…In addition to being accused just then of checking out a 15 year old girl…(this was a Saturday night) she had accused me earlier in the week or “making up” that I had to take my father to the hospital on Sunday.  That one blew me away.  So instead of being with my dad Saturday night to get up and take him to the hospital, I spent the night with her to keep the “fires” out.  I had ENOUGH of her at that point.  So much a belly full.  She needed someone to bombard her with some "YOU".  I’d been hearing it for 14 months.  So I was going to get up from her palce on Sunday and go get him... . which was  incredibly out my way... . but I did it to keep her happy.  She KNEW I had to do this the next morning... . So instead of being compassionate... . or caring... . or giving anything that resmebled a damn about me... . my father... . or my family even... . , she chose to pick a fight with me over something ridiculous... . SO yeah... . I had enough... . I blew up... . and I was sorry for the hurtful things I said, but she needed to hear what I felt instead of me just letting her  bully me constantly.  There is only so much I am gonna let someone kick me in the stomach on the ground... .

It's all good and yes, I'm sure that there is a TON of backstory that could be given that would make a lot more sense of those text messages than just reading those in the context presented.  Trust me, I wanted to send mine all kinds of stuff like that but didn't.  Oh I wrote it all out but just filed it away on my computer - just in case.  No need to stir the hornets nest... . just quietly slipping away from port praying that I don't sink in the process... .

You oughta read the "letter" that I will never send.  Just venting... . It's pretty harsh.  Maybe I should share it ith yall... .

[love4meNOTu]

shellshocked-

I know how you feel. I told my xhwBPD so many times that he did not hear me. Texting, emailing, whatever the guy never heard me. I've never been so frustrated when trying to communicate with someone.

I think you did the best you could to get your point across, but I don't think a pwBPD can admit they are wrong. To do so would cause them to split themselves black... and that would lead to suicide. I'm not kidding. They have so much pain and shame carried around inside of them for years that they would implode before they could admit that they were wrong or hurt someone.

It's such a primitive coping mechanism, and it's kinda sad. To never be able to trust someone, to never be able to shut off the voices in your head... .

But that being said, let me let you know, I read your texts. She had no right to treat you that way, and I'm so very sorry that happened to you. I know exactly how you feel. Now it's time to move forward, and leave the past in the past. You can't fix the past, but you can make right now pretty dang good, if you have the strength to let go of her.

bless you,

Lyn

[shellsh0cked]

Thanks Lyn... . this is basically resolved anyway... . and has been.  I have a new lady in my life that is WONDERFUL.  She is everything that my x is not.  Biggest problem I deal with now is realizing because she isn't like that, to expect different behavior.  I was treated in such a way that I find myself worrying about little things (that were huge to my x), like coming over later than expected... . changing of plans... . understanding when I am tired or grumpy it isn't me being "unavailable" or "wanting an out".  My new girlfriend understands... . treats me like the way she wants to be treated... . and she is so secure, so sometimes that is very difficult for me to be 100% relaxed... . I've known her since 1991 and I know she is a great catch... . but I still feel like a dog that was beat and now has nice owners... . Sometimes still shy away when a hand comes out... . even though it was to pet my head or scratch my belly as it were.    

My main purpose on being here is to help others get through.  But now I guess I still do have some resentment... . and I think it has come to a head because now I feel super foolish for letting all this happen.  I let her drag me through this... . almost killed me in several ways.  So I guess that is where the anger comes from.  So my mission here is to stop griping and start helping.  Thanks for your kind words.  -J

[shellsh0cked]

One last one... . and I am gonna shut up... . this one I thought was actually kinda funny... .

Her:  If u couldve kept ur eyes off other females, thi couldve been good.

Me: If you couldve kept your xxxdamn pants on maybe I could be good!

 

[Perfidy]

Why do pwBPD make lousy cattle ranchers?


Answer: because the have trouble keeping their calves together.

[shellsh0cked]

 

Why do pwBPD make lousy cattle ranchers?


Answer: because the have trouble keeping their calves together.

... . we need a like button for posts!

[Lol4fun]

ShellShocked your current relationship sounds great and was exactly how I felt with my uexBPDbf I felt comfortable and confident and thought how I was interacting was what normal people do in a r/s apparently I was way wrong bc he broke up with me bc I had to change plans and we were not going to get to see each other for a couple of days. I was like things come up life happens we both have commitments we have made to other people ect. Yes it kinda stinks it will be a few days but it doesn't change how I feel about you. Apparently to him it did and was not OK to do! Another time while sleeping I had gotten up to go to the bathroom when I got back in bed he put his hand on my butt. I asked him if he would move his hand bc it was going to bother me and prevent me from going back to sleep mind you it was 3:30 in the morning. His response to jump angrily out of bed and march out to his sofa and sleep there. For only having been dating 2.5 maybe 3 weeks I was like heck no Im not putting up with this nonsense so I got up got my stuff and went out to the sofa leaned over and told him your being ridiculous I told you two days ago that when I'm sleeping I have a hard time doing so when people have their hands on me or are spooning me. Then said it has no reflection on how I feel about you and on that note I am going home. I go to leave and he jumps up and says if you f'ing leave that's it. I said excuse me. He then said no you know what you actually do need to just leave. So I did. Get a text telling me he doesn't know if he can accept my personality that it rubs him the wrong way that their is too much drama and that he doesn't want an emotional roller coaster thus we need to pull the reins back. Seriously it's like dude your creating the drama and the roller coaster not me!

[Ironmanrises]

My exUBPGf, when i was in round 2 devaluation, was walking down the stairs in her house, i was sitting in her ground floor living room couch. As i see her walk down, i blow her a kiss, and at that very moment that i blow that kiss, her older 12 year old son immediately appears right behind her on the stairs. My exUBPDgf, stops, glares at me, and says, "Ironmanfalls, did you just blow a kiss at my son?" I look at her, thinking she was joking, and say " No, of course not, i threw that kiss at you my love." She turns to her son and orders him to go to his room. Then looks at me with quite a mean look and asks me again, " Ironmanfalls, did you blow a kiss at MY son?" I get up from the couch, walk over to her and tell her, "I threw you a kiss and he appeared right behind you as i did that. Why would you think i was doing that at your son?" I am already horrified at that point. She responds, " Well it looked like you were throwing him a kiss." I literally stood there looking at her and knew, the end of days was coming. Look at what this person was basically branding me with. I am getting chest pains remembering that. Awful beyond words.

[goldylamont]

My exUBPGf, when i was in round 2 devaluation, was walking down the stairs in her house, i was sitting in her ground floor living room couch. As i see her walk down, i blow her a kiss, and at that very moment that i blow that kiss, her older 12 year old son immediately appears right behind her on the stairs. My exUBPDgf, stops, glares at me, and says, "Ironmanfalls, did you just blow a kiss at my son?" I look at her, thinking she was joking, and say " No, of course not, i threw that kiss at you my love." She turns to her son and orders him to go to his room. Then looks at me with quite a mean look and asks me again, " Ironmanfalls, did you blow a kiss at MY son?" I get up from the couch, walk over to her and tell her, "I threw you a kiss and he appeared right behind you as i did that. Why would you think i was doing that at your son?" I am already horrified at that point. She responds, " Well it looked like you were throwing him a kiss." I literally stood there looking at her and knew, the end of days was coming. Look at what this person was basically branding me with. I am getting chest pains remembering that. Awful beyond words.

Ironman i think you should open up to the possibility that this person was just trying to devalue you and be cruel. I know you don't believe it's true at all, but for me once i realized that the worst of the "implied" accusations were just her way of punishment i could just see this as an extremely nasty part of her, having nothing to do with me. there's two ways you can feel bad about this--one is feeling bad b/c someone you had feelings for would choose to abuse you by falsely accusing you of making sexual advances at her child. but the other way to feel bad is not good at all--you can't at all assume that she truly believed any of this crap; because you did *not* do anything wrong. you mentioned before how she would attack your masculinity and sexuality--trust this was a veiled punishment of the worst kind, *not* her 'BPD brain' picking up on any energy from you. perhaps i'm reading too much from this but it's these kinds of accusations that really piss me off. it's evil to accuse people of being violent, or of being pedophiles just because your in a pissy mood. if she had an ounce of faith in the bulls&*( coming out of her mouth she would have never let you close to her or her child again but i bet she didn't mind hanging around to devalue you more later right? all part of the game, slicksters i tell you.

[maxen]

real life excerpt:

she: you said i was too fat to have sex with.

me: those words have never crossed my lips.

she: i have the email.

me: you have an email in which i say you're too fat to have sex with? show it to me.

she: no

[feelingcrazy7832]

I am so glad I read this post. I can't believe how many stories I can relate to here on this post. My ex would talk about everyone behind their back. I mean everyone... . people at work, friends and family. I can only imagine what he's said about me. I've heard him say the most vicious things and then the next day turn around like that person is the best thing in the world that he cares about so much. It still freaks me out. It's one thing to be upset with someone and say something but my ex would destroy their character, call them brutal names and just spew so much venom. To watch this person then love them and praise them the next time he spoke about them was wierd. Another thing that just popped into my head was when we argued and he mentioned these people and I would tear them down by throwing back all the evil things he would say about them, that's when my ex would really go batsh--t CRAZY!

I can also relate to the guilt. I sometimes look back on the horrid things I said and did back to him and then would end up feeling so bad that something like that could come out of me (which is NOT characteristic of me in previous relationships) that I would apologize. Best part is that he said to me one of the final times we talked, that I only tell my therapist and my family and friends one side of the story and that is why they are all telling me my reactions were normal. I can see now what he is doing by reading these boards. He was starting to feel me talking about my relationship to a new therapist that I started seeing the week before our final split. My sister went off on him and told him off about how things ended (she used to be friends with him) and the only thing he could come back with is I was only telling them my side of the story and that's why they were "siding" with me. Reality is he was projecting like crazy. I've told my family and therapist every crazy reaction I had to his bullsh--t. My therapist keeps trying to reassure me that given my situation of being with a drug addict that has BPD my reactions were actually pretty normal and that I had to give up on the guilt and blaming myself. He on the other hand has lied an manipulated everyone around him. This is coming from the guy that went to a therapist for drug addiction and didn't mention the drug part to the therapist for several months until his mommy had to go in and tell her.

[Ironmanrises]

My exUBPGf, when i was in round 2 devaluation, was walking down the stairs in her house, i was sitting in her ground floor living room couch. As i see her walk down, i blow her a kiss, and at that very moment that i blow that kiss, her older 12 year old son immediately appears right behind her on the stairs. My exUBPDgf, stops, glares at me, and says, "Ironmanfalls, did you just blow a kiss at my son?" I look at her, thinking she was joking, and say " No, of course not, i threw that kiss at you my love." She turns to her son and orders him to go to his room. Then looks at me with quite a mean look and asks me again, " Ironmanfalls, did you blow a kiss at MY son?" I get up from the couch, walk over to her and tell her, "I threw you a kiss and he appeared right behind you as i did that. Why would you think i was doing that at your son?" I am already horrified at that point. She responds, " Well it looked like you were throwing him a kiss." I literally stood there looking at her and knew, the end of days was coming. Look at what this person was basically branding me with. I am getting chest pains remembering that. Awful beyond words.

Ironman i think you should open up to the possibility that this person was just trying to devalue you and be cruel. I know you don't believe it's true at all, but for me once i realized that the worst of the "implied" accusations were just her way of punishment i could just see this as an extremely nasty part of her, having nothing to do with me. there's two ways you can feel bad about this--one is feeling bad b/c someone you had feelings for would choose to abuse you by falsely accusing you of making sexual advances at her child. but the other way to feel bad is not good at all--you can't at all assume that she truly believed any of this crap; because you did *not* do anything wrong. you mentioned before how she would attack your masculinity and sexuality--trust this was a veiled punishment of the worst kind, *not* her 'BPD brain' picking up on any energy from you. perhaps i'm reading too much from this but it's these kinds of accusations that really piss me off. it's evil to accuse people of being violent, or of being pedophiles just because your in a pissy mood. if she had an ounce of faith in the bulls&*( coming out of her mouth she would have never let you close to her or her child again but i bet she didn't mind hanging around to devalue you more later right? all part of the game, slicksters i tell you.

Yes. That was around the start of the devaluation period in round 2. It was kicked off by her mother telling her "Ironmanfalls looks gay" in a pic she saw of me on facebook. So of course, she took that, + the accusation that I described above, and ran with that. When I told my close friends of what she said to me, their response, "You know her being a woman, you all the way in the city of Boston, far from home, she could have called the police on you. You do realize that." I had no reply. I was already sickened and felt like someone was kicking me in the face. That was the other side to her. I don't ever want to be around that again. To be accused like that. She has no idea of how seriously she could have tarnished my character. That is not something to be taken lightly. It hurts me to this day as I remember that.

[maxen]

real life excerpt, in an email after developing a relationship behind my back and leaving me in deceit:

"i have searched my soul. i will always love you and care for your heart. however, i cannot save the marriage."

[Moonie75]

real life excerpt, in an email after developing a relationship behind my back and leaving me in deceit:

"i have searched my soul. i will always love you and care for your heart. however, i cannot save the marriage."

What a pr!ck!

[Waifed]

I remember those days so well.  Once I lost my mind i spoke like a sailor.    

[maxen]

What a pr!ck!

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

[shellsh0cked]

What a pr!ck!

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

Iron man... . try being accused of eyeing your girlfriend's mother's breasts and flirting with her... .      

Maxen... . Yeah... I was going to therapy (mostly due to her), and she was not.  She would go see a therapist once or twice and quit... . I am guessing before they dug too deep and told her she was BPD. Good thing I was going since I was the "problem"  

She had me "diagnosed" as narcissistic and as a paraphilliac (over the internet!    She said my "problem" was incurable.  I loved that one too.  

She also went to a psychiatrist that gave her some medication (Band-Aid) and I am sure she totally manipulated him because he didn't think she was BPD and that all she had was a "panic disorder".  Not sure what college that nimrod attended because she is classic BPD... . no doubt.  

Not saying I don't have issues too... . I am human, but the only person that ever said anything like that to me was her... . not my friends, not my family, not my therapist... . interesting... .

[Ironmanrises]

What a pr!ck!

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

Iron man... . try being accused of eyeing your girlfriend's mother's breasts and flirting with her... .      

Maxen... . Yeah... I was going to therapy (mostly due to her), and she was not.  She would go see a therapist once or twice and quit... . I am guessing before they dug too deep and told her she was BPD. Good thing I was going since I was the "problem"  

She had me "diagnosed" as narcissistic and as a paraphilliac (over the internet!    She said my "problem" was incurable.  I loved that one too.  

She also went to a psychiatrist that gave her some medication (Band-Aid) and I am sure she totally manipulated him because he didn't think she was BPD and that all she had was a "panic disorder".  Not sure what college that nimrod attended because she is classic BPD... . no doubt.  

Not saying I don't have issues too... . I am human, but the only person that ever said anything like that to me was her... . not my friends, not my family, not my therapist... . interesting... .

Shell,

Not to downplay your accusation, I would rather be accused for flirting with an adult woman then be accused of being a pedophile and gay at the same time. I will     to your   .   I have to laugh at this because sometimes I seriously want to SCREAM.

[shellsh0cked]

What a pr!ck!

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

Iron man... . try being accused of eyeing your girlfriend's mother's breasts and flirting with her... .      

Maxen... . Yeah... I was going to therapy (mostly due to her), and she was not.  She would go see a therapist once or twice and quit... . I am guessing before they dug too deep and told her she was BPD. Good thing I was going since I was the "problem"  

She had me "diagnosed" as narcissistic and as a paraphilliac (over the internet!    She said my "problem" was incurable.  I loved that one too.  

She also went to a psychiatrist that gave her some medication (Band-Aid) and I am sure she totally manipulated him because he didn't think she was BPD and that all she had was a "panic disorder".  Not sure what college that nimrod attended because she is classic BPD... . no doubt.  

Not saying I don't have issues too... . I am human, but the only person that ever said anything like that to me was her... . not my friends, not my family, not my therapist... . interesting... .

Shell,

Not to downplay your accusation, I would rather be accused for flirting with an adult woman then be accused of being a pedophile and gay at the same time. I will     to your   .   I have to laugh at this because sometimes I seriously want to SCREAM.

Dude... . wasn't just her mom... . but that's the one that she raked me over the coals for... . that I was NEVER going to forget.  Especially sucked because I didn't do sh!t... .

I also got accused of undressing a 15 year old with my eyes... . so I got pedophile and grandmaf#cker too. 

[Murbay]

Had appointment with T tonight and he asked to see the latest e-mails from exBPDw. He laughed as he read through them and made a list of several words, including Blackmail, Abuse, Delusional, Guilt Trip, Irrational and Illogical.

After he finished reading, he said that he can 100% say that getting out of there was the best decision I ever made.

One such comment she made, that I failed to notice, was her anger at the fact I bought a bar of chocolate 3 years ago and that contributes to the reason she is deeply in debt now. Completely forgetting that spending $10,000 on a vacation every year, her insistence in flying everywhere first class and only staying in 5* resorts has nothing at all to do with it. He could not believe she was trying to guilt trip me over a $1 bar of chocolate from so many years ago.

What I find scary though is when you are enmeshed in the insanity, whatever they say seems perfectly logical and a reason to be apologetic and take responsibility for that guilt. It's crazy how insane all of this is in the real world.

[maxen]

be accused of being a pedophile

this is simply disgraceful. it's the sign of an utterly disordered compass that a person would even think such a thing.

my w, who has had a higher salary than i have every year for the past 16 years, "joked" that she'd declare bankruptcy if i didn't pay for any trip she ever wanted to take. this was not an idle threat. not as serious as your situation ironman i unreservedly admit, but nonetheless she was threatening to wreck my financial reputation and our financial security. this is the person i tried to build a life with. what was wrong with me?

Had appointment with T tonight and he asked to see the latest e-mails from exBPDw. He laughed as he read through them

excellent, therapeutic response. my T has buried her head in her hands listening to my stories.

[Ironmanrises]

What a pr!ck!

yes, she is!

real life excerpt (crikey it's therapeutic doing this): at one of our two (horrid, awful) meetings after she bolted:

"my therapist says you'll never really change!"

Iron man... . try being accused of eyeing your girlfriend's mother's breasts and flirting with her... .      

Maxen... . Yeah... I was going to therapy (mostly due to her), and she was not.  She would go see a therapist once or twice and quit... . I am guessing before they dug too deep and told her she was BPD. Good thing I was going since I was the "problem"  

She had me "diagnosed" as narcissistic and as a paraphilliac (over the internet!    She said my "problem" was incurable.  I loved that one too.  

She also went to a psychiatrist that gave her some medication (Band-Aid) and I am sure she totally manipulated him because he didn't think she was BPD and that all she had was a "panic disorder".  Not sure what college that nimrod attended because she is classic BPD... . no doubt.  

Not saying I don't have issues too... . I am human, but the only person that ever said anything like that to me was her... . not my friends, not my family, not my therapist... . interesting... .

Shell,

Not to downplay your accusation, I would rather be accused for flirting with an adult woman then be accused of being a pedophile and gay at the same time. I will     to your   .   I have to laugh at this because sometimes I seriously want to SCREAM.

Dude... . wasn't just her mom... . but that's the one that she raked me over the coals for... . that I was NEVER going to forget.  Especially sucked because I didn't do sh!t... .

I also got accused of undressing a 15 year old with my eyes... . so I got pedophile and grandmaf#cker too. 

I will raise you    to even out with mine. In all seriousness, I am truly sorry you experienced that. It makes you think what is really transpiring through their minds when such vile and disgusting things are being hurled out of their mouths at their once beloved. No thought given to ramifications that even subliminally referencing someone as a pedophile has on someone's character.

[Ironmanrises]

be accused of being a pedophile

this is simply disgraceful. it's the sign of an utterly disordered compass that a person would even think such a thing.

my w, who has had a higher salary than i have every year for the past 16 years, "joked" that she'd declare bankruptcy if i didn't pay for any trip she ever wanted to take. this was not an idle threat. not as serious as your situation ironman i unreservedly admit, but nonetheless she was threatening to wreck my financial reputation and our financial security. this is the person i tried to build a life with. what was wrong with me?

Had appointment with T tonight and he asked to see the latest e-mails from exBPDw. He laughed as he read through them

excellent, therapeutic response. my T has buried her head in her hands listening to my stories.

Maxen,

The fact that she threatened you with such shows the lack of seriousness she has in her own life that she would jeopardize your financial security. One of the hallmarks of BPD(correct me if I am wrong) is risky behavior such as reckless spending(I guess in your case risking yours was a really cruel reflection of that). What you experienced is also horrific. I am so sorry Maxen. All that you did wrong, like the rest of us, was fall in love with a disordered person. That is our collective failing.  

[shellsh0cked]

Quote from Ironmanfalls... . I will raise you  barfy barfy to even out with mine. In all seriousness, I am truly sorry you experienced that. It makes you think what is really transpiring through their minds when such vile and disgusting things are being hurled out of their mouths at their once beloved. No thought given to ramifications that even subliminally referencing someone as a pedophile has on someone's character.

Yup... . Took me a really long time to realize that I am not this horrible disgusting person she made me out to be... . She shoved it down my throat so much that I started to believe it.  That and her enablers that would side with her... . whether it was to keep her calmed down, or they really believed that TRASH she spews out.  Either way, I had to rise above giving a damn what she or THEY think of me anyway.  But yeah... . nothing sucks much worse than having your character assassinated on a regular basis.  I will agree 100%! 

[feelingcrazy7832]

Did any of you ever experience your ex telling you that other people were saying things about you that were never said? For example, my ex once told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours who I went to college with told him that I was having orgies in college and went into detail about some things. It was so believable that I confronted my friend who of course denied it and even sent him an email and blind copied me about how ridiculous the whole thing was. Of course, he never replied to her becuase it was a total lie. She never said any of it. I wonder if he really believed himself? What is the purpose of even creating all of that?

What's worse... . why did I blame it on his drug abuse and take him back? Yuck.

[Murbay]

Did any of you ever experience your ex telling you that other people were saying things about you that were never said?

My ex was jealous that one of my best friends was female. It was obvious in her face but she decided to befriend her. I would often be told that my friend was saying nasty things about me and that I needed to "put her in her place". Because I'm not that kind of person, I agreed to have a discussion with my friend and knowing something didn't add up suggested that we all sit down together and talk it through. My ex went into a violent rage over the suggestion and put the blame for it entirely on me.

Turns out she was also feeding the same crap to my friend too. Needless to say, she managed to break apart that friendship and I haven't spoken to my friend in a couple of years. I know it's because my ex perceived her as a threat and she managed to accomplish what she set out to do.

Since breaking up, she has gone after my daughters mother in the same way too. Funny thing it actually backfired because they knew me better than she did and exposed herself for what she was.

[goldylamont]

feelingcrazy and Murbay i think it's pretty common for controlling people to tell lies in order to 'divide and conquer' and destroy relationships between people. this is a way to isolate their target so that they have more control over you by removing your support network, or eliminating anyone they perceive as a threat. sometimes i'm sure pwBPD actually believe their lies. other times they know they are lying which is why they react negatively when they are exposed. i think my ex could actually believe certain lies she told herself, such as that i was cheating--i think she could go back and forth convincing herself of this. but, no i don't think when they make isht up about he-said she-said that they actually believe the other person told them this. they know it's a lie which is why they don't want you to have a real conversation with the other person. divide and conquer

[shellsh0cked]

I have absolutely no doubt that she believed the lies she told herself.  When she went to jail she told her sister and brother in law that she wasn’t holding a six pack…wasn’t pointing her fingers at the cops…but the video CLEARLY calls b#ll$h!t on that!

And creating things…She said during a rage and while I was in the devaluation stage once that she had “just remembered” me staring at a girl in a striped bikini at the beach…LAST YEAR!  K…whatever.  Never happened.  

She said in these texts that I cornered her, yelled in her face, spit on her, spilled wine on her, pushed her and argued to the death with her…Okay, she wouldn’t tell me why she was going psycho, so I did tell her I wasn’t leaving her alone until she told me what was going on.  I did yell at her because she was yelling at me, and yeah, I argued to the death about it because it was bullsh#t and I was beyond at my wit’s end with her and sick of arguing about $hit that never happened.   But I most certainly did not spit on her, nor did I spill wine on her.  I ACCIDENTALLY spat on her when we were arguing.  Spittle…during heated discussion.  I did not “hock” a loogie on her like she’s inferring.  :)idn’t happen.  The wine?  That’s a complete fabrication far as I know.  She may have spilled it on herself while I was following her around.  I did no such thing. Yes, I did push her…out of my face when she was screaming in it.  That was TOO far.  That’s why I left and started getting that rainstorm of hate text she was spewing.  So basically she just took all of this and made it sound really good…so she’d have some ammunition for the next fight... about how I shoved her around, spit on her, threw wine on her and screamed at thte top of my lungs uncontrollably  ... . and I am sure that story would be even better as time went on so the details really made her look even more victimized.…I think maybe she believed it happened like that to a point too.  

Psycho….Glad to be out of her life.  

[karma_gal]

WOW, I was just telling this story to someone else so I'll add it here.  It definitely boggles the mind how crazy these folks are.

I woke up one morning and headed upstairs to use the restroom.  As soon as I hit the top of the stairs, I smelled the definitive smell of... . sh!t.  Yes, sh!t.

I get into the bathroom and notice that the toilet is full of sh!t, literally.  In other words, H took a sh!t and didn't flush.

When he came home that night I said to him, "I know you're running late in the mornings, but can you please take two seconds to make sure you flush when you are done sh!tting because you didn't this morning and the entire upstairs stunk when I woke up."

Rather than saying what a normal person would say and going, "Yeah, no problem.  Sorry about that," I get this... .

"Whatever.  It wasn't my sh!t.  I know it couldn't have been my sh!t because I always flush.  Can you prove it was my sh!t?  :)id you take a picture of it, because I know what my sh!t looks like and I can tell you if it's mine or not?"

This went on for no less than 20 minutes with him insisting he was "innocent of leaving a foul-smelling substance in the bathroom" as if he was on trial for a felony count of leaving sh!t in a toilet.  You would've thought his life was on the line at how worked up he got.  I can still picture him, arms flailing, spit flying, as he insisted it absolutely, positively could not have been HIS sh!t.  Right, so someone planted sh!t after he left for work.  Whatever.  

[feelingcrazy7832]

Lol, KarmaGirl - as I was reading your post, I was seriously having vivid thoughts of my exBPD boyfriends face playing that all out. He never did that specific sh--t in toilet scene but I could SO see him doing the same thing, that I just couldn't get his face out of my head as I was reading.