It's been a while...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been a while since I've posted here on the board. And I feel a bit guilty about that, coming here out of the blue, asking for insights and/or help.

But my BPDbf is out of control (and that's been a while too).

Yesterday he came home from work, all down and quiet. When I asked him what was wrong (big mistake, I sometimes forget his way of thinking isn't the same as mine, if he's been good for a while).

Well, it's something new, something he didn't blamed me for at any other time.

He said, and I quote "it feels like you want me to kill myself, so you can have the house for a cheap price". I was shocked, and even that is an understatement. I really didn't see that coming, not in a hundred years I could've guessed that that was what was wrong.

Through the hours, and a new days, he "reasons" change. It now is between "a cheap house for me" and "you place me in the spot that I don't know what else I can do".

When he said that, I told him that if he wanted or if he finds me such a horrible person, he can always leave me instead of killing himself. But that wasn't a way for him, since "he loves me too much to leave".

Then I offered I'd put in some more work hours to pay for his therapist (he doesn't want to go, because it costs too much money, so I took that excuse out of the game by offering to work more hours). But that wasn't good either.

So, it seems like I want him to kill himself, or at least put him in that position.

Gosh, I couldn't even care about it yesterday. It's really strange, but he doesn't seem to win me over by this so I would act nice or caring. I think I just had enough of this crazy talk.

I do feel sorry for him, that he thinks that that is his only option, and still can't take the blame for any of his mistakes. But that's it. I'm not hurt, I can't care about this crazy talk.

Yesterday, it really dawned on me that he IS dellusional.

Cause what he said, is now a fact to him. It's not open for discussion. I just want him to do that, end of discussion.

And since the solutions that I gave him, aren't good enough, well, there's not much more I can do hey.


Sorry, really needed to vent to some people who understand. Cause I'm even too ashamed to tell this to my parents of friends. They must think I'm too blind to see that I'm living with a crazy person... .

(sorry about my english, it's not my native language)

[Kifazes]

It's been a while since I've posted here on the board. And I feel a bit guilty about that, coming here out of the blue, asking for insights and/or help.

But my BPDbf is out of control (and that's been a while too).

Yesterday he came home from work, all down and quiet. When I asked him what was wrong (big mistake, I sometimes forget his way of thinking isn't the same as mine, if he's been good for a while).

Well, it's something new, something he didn't blamed me for at any other time.

He said, and I quote "it feels like you want me to kill myself, so you can have the house for a cheap price". I was shocked, and even that is an understatement. I really didn't see that coming, not in a hundred years I could've guessed that that was what was wrong.

Through the hours, and a new days, he "reasons" change. It now is between "a cheap house for me" and "you place me in the spot that I don't know what else I can do".

When he said that, I told him that if he wanted or if he finds me such a horrible person, he can always leave me instead of killing himself. But that wasn't a way for him, since "he loves me too much to leave".

Then I offered I'd put in some more work hours to pay for his therapist (he doesn't want to go, because it costs too much money, so I took that excuse out of the game by offering to work more hours). But that wasn't good either.

So, it seems like I want him to kill himself, or at least put him in that position.

Gosh, I couldn't even care about it yesterday. It's really strange, but he doesn't seem to win me over by this so I would act nice or caring. I think I just had enough of this crazy talk.

I do feel sorry for him, that he thinks that that is his only option, and still can't take the blame for any of his mistakes. But that's it. I'm not hurt, I can't care about this crazy talk.

Yesterday, it really dawned on me that he IS dellusional.

Cause what he said, is now a fact to him. It's not open for discussion. I just want him to do that, end of discussion.

And since the solutions that I gave him, aren't good enough, well, there's not much more I can do hey.


Sorry, really needed to vent to some people who understand. Cause I'm even too ashamed to tell this to my parents of friends. They must think I'm too blind to see that I'm living with a crazy person... .

(sorry about my english, it's not my native language)

[maxsterling]

Wow.  I guess this is just part of his distortion.  How it gets *this* distorted is beyond me, but my girlfriend will get similarly distorted.  Granted, I haven't heard her say that she thinks that I want her to kill herself, but I think there have been times that she has accused me of wanting her to live in misery. 

First, it's my house.  I pay for it, 100%, and have been paying for it 100% for years.  I asked her to move in because she needed a place to live.  She accepted. I don't ask for her to pay me anything.  She can do whatever she wants with her own money.  She can decide to move out if she wants to.  She can decide to leave the state/country if she wants to.  The way I see it, her life is completely in her own hands. 

Yet in her mind I am controlling (?).  I haven't married her so that she can get health insurance, and that must mean I want her to remain sick.  I haven't bought a new bed, and that must mean I want her back to ache constantly.  If I decide to do my own thing on the weekend or evening, it must mean I hate her and want her to be bored and lonely. 

It all stems from her lack of identity, and her not realizing she is in control of her own life.  Instead, she sees me not giving into her delusions, and that gets distorted into her thinking I have something evil up my sleeve.