Met soon to be ex husband of BPDgf - Moving to detachment board

[nowwhatz]

Thank you everyone for your input and support.  An "event" occurred this morning which will certainly end my contact with the now exBPDgf for a long time and maybe for good (I can only hope and hope I can have the strength to go NC and not answer her future texts or calls).

This morning despite the idiotic text conversation with my off/on BPDgf of last night I arrived as scheduled at her apt to pick her up so she could do a job for me.  We had agreed that if I could train her to do a simple task for me in my business she could make a very small amount of money and I need the help. Plus she is somewhat qualified to do the small job for me.

She was also supposed to give me a resume from her nephew as I am helping him build a website and business.

So I emailed and texted her to remind her I was on the way. No reply. This is not uncommon as she powers down her phone a lot.

I arrived and she did not meet me in front so I went to the apt and could clearly see her through the window... . I knocked on her door and gestured to her to come out.

Her soon to be ex husband came out. He has known me for a long, long time (we actually went to high school together... . long story).   He was startled and surprised to see me. I told him she was supposed to go to a job with me now and he said he didn't know she was in contact with me again... . he was startled for sure.

He went back inside and then came back out and said she said she would call me later. I said she has no phone (been turned off) and he said he was buying her a phone today.

So he and it walked to the courtyard area for a moment and he started to tell me he would be officially divorced from her in a week or so and I told him I know and I know about the other court issues going on (her criminal charges), and said we were just friends and I don't want to cause her trouble... . and sorry for startling you.

But I also told him I take my business seriously and I expected her to be ready to work.

He said he was surprised she has been in contact with me but no doubt now he knows that I have been dating her since the end of september... . she told him she was going out with somebody... . just didn't say who.

This will definetly cause an escalation of sorts between her and him and it may not be all peace and love... . she will be extremely pissed that she is now "exposed" and will think I did it on purpose.

I don't expect to hear from her for a while... . maybe never.

She will probably tell the soon to be ex husband some lies or say that I am stalking her or some other such nonsense but I don't think any of that will fly.

There is a possibility she will try to contact me today or this weekend irate and will blame me for ruining her life etc.  If she does I will try to keep it business like and say I needed you to do the job for me today and am disappointed but that is all... . and good luck with everything etc.

Well, I had a little adrenaline rush from the situation but I am going to be going through serious withdrawals over the next few days, weeks, probably.

After the last recycle ended I suppressed my feelings and grief. This time I am going to have to walk through the fire so I can heal and one day love again.

I may be an ___hole but I ask you all to please keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

I loved this woman deeply even though I try not to admit it.

The next few days, weeks... . will be hell.

Thank you so much.

[Seneca]

  will pray. stay strong,you can do it.

[Surnia]

Wow, nowwhatz,

what a difficult moment! And perhaps in a way a milestone. I think you handled it very well.

Sending you a lot of strength for the next days! 

[nowwhatz]

 will pray. stay strong,you can do it.

Thank you so much for your prayers.

[nowwhatz]

Wow, nowwhatz,

what a difficult moment! And perhaps in a way a milestone. I think you handled it very well.

Sending you a lot of strength for the next days! 

Thank you very much Surnia.

Yes it was a difficult moment for me and her the guy.  I could see he was angry or frustrated and I am sure he sensed my frustration.  He took her back in last Feb to try to rekindle their marriage after years of separation, but it was never going to work.

The guy has spent so much $ on her. In some ways I admire him for his patience and generosity. Even though he cheated on her to break up the marriage I can imagine what he was going through being married to her.

The exgf somehow has concealed our r/s from him over the last 2 years... . he knew about our first go around with dating but nothing after and certainly not know.  She was fearful this time that I would talk to him.

About a week ago the gf wanted to spend 2 nights at my house and said she was going to tell him the truth... . that she was seeing me but she did not tell him... . only that she was seeing somebody... . saying it was none of his business.  I think that may have been the catalyst for me to end it.  She spent 1 night at my house and was acting weird so I took her home the next morning early. That was probably the true end of this recycle.

The other night when the gf melted down saying she felt homeless blah blah I called bs on her and she admitted the soon to be ex husband will help her get an apt after she gets a job etc.

I have not heard from her since Thursday and know the drill. It is a little different this time because she is now back on her meds and at the end of the month she goes to court and will plead guilty to felony charges... . changes everything.

If she does not go to jail or get deported she will have little chance of getting any decent job here in the usa and I don't think too many guys want to date a woman who is a convicted felon so she may be calling me sooner rather than later.

Thanks for listening to my rambling.