FINALLY the judge is calling her out...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I haven't been on here much…kind of trying to lay low, I guess, and perhaps paranoid that my dh's BPDex will find this.  But I wanted to update with good news for once!  :)H, on paper, has primary of all three of his kids, but because of our stupid GAL recommendation, he allowed DSD to go live with her BPD mom (the GAL thought all three should live with her).  At that time, our judge was one who just went with whatever the GAL said.  Fortunately, now we have a new judge who uses  his own eyes and he's really against PA.  This case has been going on for over THREE years, and this is the first time we have had the judge see the PA.

We really have a messed up GAL…he aligns with BM like a crazy person.  I am starting to think she is holding something over his head.  The judge ordered reunification therapy between DH and DSD in September and appointed a therapist.  Fast forward to today--they have only had four sessions because BPDmom and the GAL are doing what they can to block sessions.  The GAL even updated his recommendation to say that the boys should now go to their mom's 50/50 (the teen boys don't even want to do that--they want to stay here) AND that the reunification therapy should stop because it's not working.  It is hard to make progress when the GAL keeps doing what he can to block it!

Well, we went to court yesterday asking for a continuance (BPD mom's attorney set this for final trial even though the order said that final trial was not to be scheduled UNTIL the family therapist was satisfied with progress in counseling).  The GAL was fighting against the continuance and to get this over with.  Here is something else crazy--BPD mom's lawyer was a no-show, but he wrote a letter to the judge stating that the GAL will speak for him!

We didn't attend the hearing, but BPD mom went in--I am sure she had visions of LA Law dancing in her head thinking she was going to convince the judge what an awful man my DH is.  It was a hearing for a continuance, not a hearing to present evidence.  

Our attorney called afterwards and let us know what happened.  The family therapist testified to all of the manipulation and the PA that BPD mom has been engaging in.  She testified that she cannot make any progress working with these professionals (the GAL and DSD's individual therapist, who hates my DH but has never gotten to know him at all).  The judge was livid that the GAL was trying to block the family therapy.  The judge yelled at BPD mom for at least 30 minutes about how she is manipulating the kids.  She was shaking and near tears.  He then ordered a therapy program (Bill Eddy's New Ways) for DH and BPD mom and for the rest of the therapy with the kids to stop.  There will be another hearing in a month to see progress.

The only thing better would be if the GAL was dismissed from the case--every time we pay him, I feel like we are paying BPD mom's legal bills.  Our attorney said it took the judge a while to see that the GAL was opposing the family therapist so maybe the judge is just giving him another chance.  He made it clear once again to the GAL that the family therapist is in charge of the therapy, NOT the GAL (who was trying to be).  I really think part of the GAL's problem is the family therapist called him out and told him that HE was completely mishandling the case, and I think his ego couldn't take it so he decided to start trying to be powerful.

Of course, even after being yelled at by the judge for her "bad behavior" and "ridiculous noncompliance" and being told that the judge will rule against her in the "most severe way possible if she doesn't stop" and that DSD may even be removed from her, BPD mom can't stop herself.  The boys came back from her house last night complaining that everything they tell the counselor gets told to dad and how all the counselor does is ask what mom says.  So….even after being threatened by the judge to stop telling the kids things, just hours later, she does.  She can't help herself.

[sanemom]

I haven't been on here much…kind of trying to lay low, I guess, and perhaps paranoid that my dh's BPDex will find this.  But I wanted to update with good news for once!  :)H, on paper, has primary of all three of his kids, but because of our stupid GAL recommendation, he allowed DSD to go live with her BPD mom (the GAL thought all three should live with her).  At that time, our judge was one who just went with whatever the GAL said.  Fortunately, now we have a new judge who uses  his own eyes and he's really against PA.  This case has been going on for over THREE years, and this is the first time we have had the judge see the PA.

We really have a messed up GAL…he aligns with BM like a crazy person.  I am starting to think she is holding something over his head.  The judge ordered reunification therapy between DH and DSD in September and appointed a therapist.  Fast forward to today--they have only had four sessions because BPDmom and the GAL are doing what they can to block sessions.  The GAL even updated his recommendation to say that the boys should now go to their mom's 50/50 (the teen boys don't even want to do that--they want to stay here) AND that the reunification therapy should stop because it's not working.  It is hard to make progress when the GAL keeps doing what he can to block it!

Well, we went to court yesterday asking for a continuance (BPD mom's attorney set this for final trial even though the order said that final trial was not to be scheduled UNTIL the family therapist was satisfied with progress in counseling).  The GAL was fighting against the continuance and to get this over with.  Here is something else crazy--BPD mom's lawyer was a no-show, but he wrote a letter to the judge stating that the GAL will speak for him!

We didn't attend the hearing, but BPD mom went in--I am sure she had visions of LA Law dancing in her head thinking she was going to convince the judge what an awful man my DH is.  It was a hearing for a continuance, not a hearing to present evidence.  

Our attorney called afterwards and let us know what happened.  The family therapist testified to all of the manipulation and the PA that BPD mom has been engaging in.  She testified that she cannot make any progress working with these professionals (the GAL and DSD's individual therapist, who hates my DH but has never gotten to know him at all).  The judge was livid that the GAL was trying to block the family therapy.  The judge yelled at BPD mom for at least 30 minutes about how she is manipulating the kids.  She was shaking and near tears.  He then ordered a therapy program (Bill Eddy's New Ways) for DH and BPD mom and for the rest of the therapy with the kids to stop.  There will be another hearing in a month to see progress.

The only thing better would be if the GAL was dismissed from the case--every time we pay him, I feel like we are paying BPD mom's legal bills.  Our attorney said it took the judge a while to see that the GAL was opposing the family therapist so maybe the judge is just giving him another chance.  He made it clear once again to the GAL that the family therapist is in charge of the therapy, NOT the GAL (who was trying to be).  I really think part of the GAL's problem is the family therapist called him out and told him that HE was completely mishandling the case, and I think his ego couldn't take it so he decided to start trying to be powerful.

Of course, even after being yelled at by the judge for her "bad behavior" and "ridiculous noncompliance" and being told that the judge will rule against her in the "most severe way possible if she doesn't stop" and that DSD may even be removed from her, BPD mom can't stop herself.  The boys came back from her house last night complaining that everything they tell the counselor gets told to dad and how all the counselor does is ask what mom says.  So….even after being threatened by the judge to stop telling the kids things, just hours later, she does.  She can't help herself.

[DreamGirl]

What a gong show your case has been - with two incompetent professionals involved. I truly have never heard of a GAL suggesting that reunification therapy stop based on "it's not working". It's like telling an alcoholic to drop out of rehab.  

He then ordered a therapy program (Bill Eddy's New Ways) for DH and BPD mom and for the rest of the therapy with the kids to stop.  There will be another hearing in a month to see progress.

I think every single case involving high conflict should be ordered to do this program.

Good news.  

[ForeverDad]

He then ordered a therapy program (Bill Eddy's New Ways for Families) for DH and BPD mom and for the rest of the therapy with the kids to stop.  There will be another hearing in a month to see progress.

I don't know much about this program but surely it's got to be better than what was in place before and do a better job at keeping the kids out of the middle of the conflict.  I like Item 4 the best: To assist professionals and the courts in assessing both parent's potential to learn new, positive ways of problem-solving and organizing their family after a separation or divorce.

[sanemom]

What a gong show your case has been - with two incompetent professionals involved. I truly have never heard of a GAL suggesting that reunification therapy stop based on "it's not working". It's like telling an alcoholic to drop out of rehab.  

He then ordered a therapy program (Bill Eddy's New Ways) for DH and BPD mom and for the rest of the therapy with the kids to stop.  There will be another hearing in a month to see progress.

I think every single case involving high conflict should be ordered to do this program.

Good news.  

Yeah, the GAL based that recommendation purely on talking with DSD while she was at BPD mom's house channeling BPD mom.  He never once asked the family therapist or my DH how the counseling was going.  The family therapist was very frustrated--she would have a good session with DH and DSD, and then the GAL would write up a recommendation saying that DSD's individual therapist had to be in on every session.  It was crazy.  And the ONE session that DSD's individual therapist was in on, the individual therapist spent a lot of the session being condescending to my DH.  It was a joke from what I hear.

I DO think this program is very promising…we shall see if it helps in this situation.  I just can't believe that BPD mom could not even behave for 24 hours…

[Nope]

What a gong show your case has been

Yes. This. Wow.