Interrogatories and the divorce process

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Really they want the last 3 years of all Credit Card/Debit Card  statements and a breakdown of each purchase ie who it was for or what it did for the household?

Doing the first pass at the documents (52 pages) took me 2 hours, that was answering what I could without having to leave my chair, the stuff that requires copies and statements is going to be a 2 day effort to get, print, bind them so that the attorney doesn't charge me half my retainer to put the document together.   

On top of that I am working on getting my house sold as a short sale since the buyers delay has now cost us more in fees then the sale price, that is 17 pages of financial information.  My concern with this is he's fallen off the face of the earth and won't respond to the realtor or closing attorney problem is  he's got to sign the document as well and is not being at all cooperative   He thinks he's just simply going to walk away from everything, as always,  never taking responsibility for his actions.   

I may have to have someone take POA for him and declare him mentally insane since he is deliberately sabotaging the sale of both houses and us both getting our lives going forward.  If I don't he will succeed in driving me insane from the stress of trying to get things done, his sabotaging and me feeling like I  am banging my head against a wall every turn.  Stuck in cement boots.

Interestingly I realized how often he would use this tactic during our marriage, F'ing things up really bad and leaving me to clean it all up. 

[casper324]

Really they want the last 3 years of all Credit Card/Debit Card  statements and a breakdown of each purchase ie who it was for or what it did for the household?

Doing the first pass at the documents (52 pages) took me 2 hours, that was answering what I could without having to leave my chair, the stuff that requires copies and statements is going to be a 2 day effort to get, print, bind them so that the attorney doesn't charge me half my retainer to put the document together.   

On top of that I am working on getting my house sold as a short sale since the buyers delay has now cost us more in fees then the sale price, that is 17 pages of financial information.  My concern with this is he's fallen off the face of the earth and won't respond to the realtor or closing attorney problem is  he's got to sign the document as well and is not being at all cooperative   He thinks he's just simply going to walk away from everything, as always,  never taking responsibility for his actions.   

I may have to have someone take POA for him and declare him mentally insane since he is deliberately sabotaging the sale of both houses and us both getting our lives going forward.  If I don't he will succeed in driving me insane from the stress of trying to get things done, his sabotaging and me feeling like I  am banging my head against a wall every turn.  Stuck in cement boots.

Interestingly I realized how often he would use this tactic during our marriage, F'ing things up really bad and leaving me to clean it all up. 

[ForeverDad]

I recall that my ex's new attorney sent interrogatories.  I spent weeks answering, gathering and organizing and we eventually sent 600 pages.  My lawyer was frustrated about it and so we sent our own.  We got back NOTHING.  Totally ignored!  And since we ended up settling for the GAL's recommendation no one made her face consequences for it.

Interrogatories sound so serious and threatening but just make an honest effort, if you don't know or it doesn't apply or if it's not available or if it's already available to ex, then state so and move on to the next item.  In most cases that's all it takes.  And identifying every single purchase seems a bit much.  I guess do what you can but don't freak out over it.  He wants you to do all the work since you know he won't.

[david]

I answered my interrogatories as best I could. Many questions I answered with a simple NA (not applicable). They did seem overwhelming when I first saw them but my atty said just answer what is important. If your stbx doesn't do it then all the courts have to go with is what you give. If you give information that benefits you and you are not hiding anything major that would harm you than don't worry about it.

[whirlpoollife]

My x2bh L sent a huge interrogatory list. I panicked. 30 yrs of info wanted in two weeks. My then L said answer what I can. Not much help as I can answer them but it would take time. With crying for help L got a continuance (not sure if that is right term) a later date due.  That was over a year ago.  Since, I got a new L.  Went over interrogatories again seven months ago.  My new L wanted to figure out what was marital assets, what was not,  and what I contributed to the marriage financially. 

I wrote my answers in a spiral notebook, with notes to the paper trail, paper clipped in order with question number.  I then spent a few hours $ with new L on all of it.

I saw x2bh interrogatories , which old L compiled without me... . not good.  X2bh  answers were N/A or whirlpool has answer. No consequences for him.

IMHO, I would ask for a later due date, keep with you ( in a storage locker if needed) ALL financial records of anything in case you do need them.  Before spending hours going over each item in the credit card statements, ask your L if this is really needed for division of assets/debts and that goes for other questions in the list.   

[casper324]

Luckily the credit cards in my name have year end summaries, phew. 

Its frustrating because I know he isn't going to do any of this paperwork but better to look as if I made an attempt vs not do anything I'd guess. 

Reality is by the time we are done with this mess and his sabotaging, there isn't going to be anything left anyway. 

I LOVED his CIS that showed we borrowed 20G from his parents that I never knew about or gained in any way from, I did know about the 7G they gave him to have the septic repaired at a house for sale, he used those funds on his grow room, car repair and legal fees. 

[livednlearned]

My lawyer saw the interrogatories that N/BPDx requested and wrote back, No way. This is harassment. My client will provide xy and z, but not a through v.

Sometimes, lawyers will just come out strong to give their clients a good impression. There is a lot of theater in the legal field.

[david]

I forgot, my ex's atty sent my atty interrogatories. My atty said they were too long and not useful for this case. My atty had a three page interogatory that she thought more appropriate. Since ex's atty sent one that was over 30 pages long my atty just copied and sent them to ex. Ex made all kinds of false claims in her interrogatory. Ex claimed the contents of the house were in excess of $750,000. She had a 5 page itemized list and the values. Since I had photos of her new place with 90% of the itemized list I decided to agree with her. I countered that she could keep it all and all I wanted was my half in cash. There were other gems too. By that time I had a new (and much better) atty. My new atty loved it. According to everything ex claimed , and I agreed to since I had proof she had everything, ex owed me close to 1.3 million in cash. We had nowhere near that in assets but it gave ex's atty a fit since I agreed with most everything ex claimed. I wound up with a 70/30 split in my favor. I could have gone to court and probably gotten an 80/20 split but that meant being married for at least 8 more months.

[maxen]

My lawyer saw the interrogatories that N/BPDx requested and wrote back, No way. This is harassment.

excellent.

[ForeverDad]

Lawyers often just send out boilerplate lists of questions.  Many won't apply to you or ask for unreasonable amounts of detail.  I never had to deal with interrogatories during my divorce, but her new lawyer sent them when I filed for post-divorce custody.  Many questions asked dealt with assets and debts and other financial questions that had nothing to do with custody.  Some I researched, some got N/A.

Don't lose any sleep over them.  Provide enough appropriate information that shows you put some reasonable effort into it and that avoids the impression you might be hiding assets or records.  If it's not enough for the other side they can always repeat their request or pursue it in court by trying to convince the judge why they need it.

[Nope]

Well this thread is timely. Just found out yesterday afternoon that my SO's BPD ex had her L send interrogatories and requests for production of documents.We have 28 days to rerespond but the first part of our custody case is being heard mid month. So they are asking us, really nicely, if we can get them the info they are asking for before the court date. *eye roll*

I'm sure she won't give us our answers for the Request for Admissions until after she gets our evidence. But this whole thing did give me the idea for some questions to put together that will need to be answered before the second court date. But getting and sending these sort of things does feel kind of like a ramping up, doesn't it?

[Gottagonow]

I got 52 pages of interogatories to answer. I took a lot of time to answer them as truthful as I could and provide the requested reproductions. besides writing her name and address, the ex left almost every line blank on hers or wrote "Gottagonow has this information" even if there was no way in the world that I could have it or access to it... . The judge did not give a rats a$$ about her not answering anything but certainly took into account all of the information I provided.

[Eodmava]

My stbexw's lawyer bought her "victim" card hook line and sinker.  That worked for her until the disclosure process began.  I answered all of their questions and when they asked for journals, emails, recordings, etc... . I used the opportunity to hammer her lawyer and her.  I gave them over 150 pages of journal entries and a years worth of text messages which, while personal and a little bit exposing of my own emotional trauma, outlined her outrageous abuse of the children and me.  ExBPDw was furious!  LOL.  Adding insult to injury, my lawyer and I counter filed and asked them for a bunch of information.  We are now still waiting on her to answer the first series of questions.  Amazing how the rules don't apply to them.  She is going to lose the house and probably looking at watching me walk away with the children for at least 50% of the time.  The final nail in her coffin was that I am moving to prevent her father from ever setting foot near my two little girls again.  One of the things that came out in the discovery - that her team asked for - was a pile of evidence showing that her father is a child molester.  Will be interesting to see how this all comes out over the next few months.  Getting the truth out there feels good.  I feel like the guy in Lord of the Rings, Théoden... . when Gandalph says to him, "breathe the free air."  stbexw and her narcissistic psycho family can't blame me anymore... . thank you God for lifting the FOG... . and a thank you to BPD family... . my brothers (and sisters) in arms. 

[ogopogodude]

I'm expecting my ex to settle out of court as soon as ":)iscovery" dates are proposed. Here in canada, interrogations (prior to Trial) are called 'discoveries'.

My lawyer is going to go for the JUGULAR by saying that there will be many videos and audios and letters from the children that my ex will have to comment on (about her behaviour and how the kids want nothing to do with her, and her temper rages, etc).

My ex will not be able to stand even 1o minutes of such questioning as she will go into a rage just by the questioning itself.  During a doctor's visit (with her own doctor upon her request that I meet with her and her physician for a marriage counselling visit) my ex went beserk/rage within three minutes (THEN promptly ran out of the office) as soon as her dr asked me what my perspective was and I had said "i think my wife has BPD".

And my lawyer said my wife cannot just get up and leave during questioning, ,... . if she does,... . it's contempt of court. She has to sit there and ANSWER the Q's posed by my lawyer. It is just that simple. Plus, ... it is the time everybody has to sit there and listen & watch to the abuse videos and audios of her rages.

Life will be very good when I see her squirm (it will be like watching a person tormented by mosquitos and flies without any OFF repellent spray). Hehehehehehehehehe ... . I will get my revenge at that moment and it will go on for hours, ... . as my lawyer knows that this will make her go nutty.  hehehe

[ForeverDad]

Years ago my lawyer said he'd get my ex to flame out in court, but it never happened.  He later said he felt she could pass a lie detector.  She was mostly quiet in court.  It was with me she lost control.  So... . I recorded exchanges, many calls, etc.  Finally, last year she was on the stand and had to listen to several recordings, mostly about exchanges.  She said she didn't remember them but each time she confirmed it was her voice.  A small excerpt from the decision, "She referred to Father as a "cruel monster", stated that Father is a "bad example", and accused him of threatening and brainwashing (child).  In the tapes Mother is often yelling so loudly that it is difficult to endure listening to her."

[sad but wiser]

This sounds very, very familiar.  My stb ex is using every delay tactic he used in our marriage to stall our case in court.

I am in pro per, which is scary in itself, because I did not have more money to keep paying my attorney and I am paying him temporary spousal support.  Trying to become a good divorce attorney while working is very hectic, BUT, I have come to realize something.  He has no clue who I am and how I think.  He also doesn't know that I am on to him.  This is very helpful.  I have decided to be cheerful and positive and ignore his craziness that no one else will believe anyway.  And I feel less stressed because I realize that no matter how hard I try to make his lies and so forth clear to the judge, the judge isn't likely to see it.  I am better off pretending that I think everyone is sincere and move forward the best I can.  I feel much better and I hope this helps.

[bravhart1]

my husband and I have just gone through this. We answered each item to the best of our ability. Frankly I feel that some of the things asked of us were overly intrusive. She gets to pour over our credit card statements and atm statements for the last ten years?

I don't understand that at all and L wasn't very helpful. They were never married and never combined income. Been apart for three years and she is asking for docs going back ten years. Before they were together and long before child was even conceived. I don't get it.

Her response was "I can't find anything" including her paycheck stub from the month after the stuff was requested.

I already know we will never get the same back, and that no one will hold her accountable. Hate this.

[sad but wiser]

Cite relevance. In what way are all those documents relevant to the matter at hand?  Most judges take a dim view of parties who use discovery to harass the other party. Ten years is a very long time and the information would be fairly "stale."  Ask your attorney.   

[ForeverDad]

Ten years?  Even the government doesn't go back more than 3 years and perhaps up to 7 years.  The only reason I can imagine for records that far back is if they're claiming money is being hidden.  That would be bank accounts at most and a huge reach for credit accounts.

Sadly, there's no law that says they can't ask for the moon.  However, that doesn't mean you have to provide information for unreasonable or unrealistic requests.  That's what "N/A" is for.

[livednlearned]

I don't understand that at all and L wasn't very helpful. They were never married and never combined income. Been apart for three years and she is asking for docs going back ten years. Before they were together and long before child was even conceived. I don't get it.

Your lawyer needs to start working for you. Anyone can ask for anything in an interrogatory or discovery. It's your lawyer's job to step in and say "This isn't reasonable. No."

Chances are, if something seems onerous and abusive, and not at all reasonable, then a judge will see it that way too. It's your lawyers job to help you double-check your common sense.

Sorry you have to go through this. It's hard enough dealing with a BPD sufferer, much less an ineffective lawyer.

[david]

I was given, from ex's atty, a 20 to 30 page interrogatory. It had over 70 questions. I really can't remember the exact numbers. It was 2.5 years ago and I have moved on. I had my atty send the same thing back to ex for her to do. Many of the questions I simplay answered N/A and left it at that. Ex actually took the time to answer every question. She had a multitude of lies and made up stuff. She estimated that we had about 1.2 million in assets. She claimed I emptied our house of valuable antiques, etc. She had a multi page list of specific things in it. I think it was around 5 or 6 pages. During this time I gathered info to show that she actually had these things in her possesion. I had pictures from the internet of her new place with many of the items. I decided to agree to her evaluation and countered that she could keep everything and just give me half in cash. My atty loved it and her atty wasn't too happy. We had nowhere near that amount so her atty really wanted to settle. We settles at 70/30 split in my favor. My atty said we could have gone to court and it would have probably gone to 85 or 90% in my favor. I settled because the divorce would have dragged out for at least 6 more months. It was worth it in my estimation.

I have learned to agree with things she says and just turn it around for my advantage.