How can I help them?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I have a daughter with BPD , she's 35 and I just learned about BPD. She is not diagnosed BPD but she fits a high functional BPD person. I have unconditional love for her but she will not except getting professional help. I feel guilty that I don't want to be around her. I need a break. Right now I am on her good side but I never know when she will snap. She says her sister and are her only friends. She is involved with a very nice man that seem to cope with her and her 2 kids.  I want to know how to help. I read that at 40 years old that this could slow down and it will be easier. She most likely had this since her early teens and I always thought it was my falt. I did get help and ask her to go in her teens but of course she said NO. I'm afraid that my granddaughter is going down the same path. I don't want her life to be as hard as it has been for my daughter. Any good ideas out there?

[Momneedshelp]

I have a daughter with BPD , she's 35 and I just learned about BPD. She is not diagnosed BPD but she fits a high functional BPD person. I have unconditional love for her but she will not except getting professional help. I feel guilty that I don't want to be around her. I need a break. Right now I am on her good side but I never know when she will snap. She says her sister and are her only friends. She is involved with a very nice man that seem to cope with her and her 2 kids.  I want to know how to help. I read that at 40 years old that this could slow down and it will be easier. She most likely had this since her early teens and I always thought it was my falt. I did get help and ask her to go in her teens but of course she said NO. I'm afraid that my granddaughter is going down the same path. I don't want her life to be as hard as it has been for my daughter. Any good ideas out there?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi momneedshelp and 

It is so hard to watch our children suffer and not know how to help.  We have so many parents here who understand the helplessness and frustration you must be feeling.  How old are her kids?  How are they coping? 

Don't feel too guilty for not wanting to be around her sometimes.  We all need a break from the worry and the rages that come with BPD.  It's important that we step back sometimes and focus on ourselves.  We can't help them if we aren't helping ourselves too.

I suggest starting with the TOOLS and THE LESSONS on the right hand side of the screen.  There's tons of good advice.  Keep posting and sharing your story.  Using the skills you learn here will help you come to grips with BPD and hopefully give you some understanding of how your daughter functions.

-crazed 

[jellibeans]

welcome momneedshelp

I want to suggest a book for you to read. It has helped me a great deal. Overcoming BPD by Valerie Porr. Of all the books I have read I find this one to be the most helpful. There are lots of resources here so I think a good place to start is to start reading as much as you can about this disorder. It will help you dd but also your gd. I found that when I learned how better to interact with my dd16 things got better and there was lass conflict. Isn't that what we all want?

Take time for your self... . don't feel bad about that. We all need a break at times.