Cease and desist order

[feelingcrazy7832]

Hi everyone. I still haven't heard anything from CPS. This has been dragging on for too long. I called the agent today for the first time since the false statements were made about me and am hoping she calls back today. I think I'm going to take a more agresssive stance at this point. I'm planning on calling the supervisor if I don't hear back.

I had posted that it was clear to me that after I served my exBPD with a PPO, he made additional claims to CPS. So, now not only do I allegedly leave my child home alone for hours (when she is 5!) on several different occassions, but now I'm apparently a drunk, who gets so wasted I don't know what I'm doing, have no control of myself and am an unfit mother.

This needs to stop! Nothing could be further from the truth and I'm getting more and more sick of all of this. We come from a small town where everyone knows everything and everyone. We all know BPDs paint everyone black. I've watched my exBPD make up the craziest lies about every person he's been with. The worse were his long term relationships.

This is clearly a defamation of character. I did speak to an attorney who was goign to draft a demand letter that he return my phone which was a work phone that was linked to hospital information. He told me today he can also send him a cease and desist order for defamation of character along with asking for my work phone back. The PPO order states that he is not to interfere with my work. It is clear he will continue to slander me.


Have any of you done something like this? Of course the risk is that he will retaliate but not sure what he could retaliate with. I'm tired of being attacked by this person and feel like it is my right to fight back. I can't sit her and allow this person to run around telling people I am unfit to be a mother, that I'm basically a drunk (this is coming from a drug addict) and that I leave my child at home. This needs to stop.

'

[ForeverDad]

You are caught between a rock and a hard place.  As I understand it he may be protected by law from retaliation when making reports of suspected abuse, etc.  The law takes the perspective that potential reporters shouldn't be hindered or intimidated from coming forward.  Even when they're determined to be unfounded or unsubstantiated.

But don't get mad at the messenger - CPS - since they're just following their protocols.  In extreme cases maybe there is something that can be done.  Try to find out from CPS or the county legal system what can be done.

I wish your ex could be classified a Vexatious Litigant.  Then he would have restrictions set on his actions.  But that seldom happens, perhaps only in 0.001% or less of the cases.  After all, what if the 99th report might have some truth in it?

In my case, CPS received numerous reports of allegations.  To my knowledge they never once told her not to make allegations.  They first had to determine whether they rose to the level of abuse/neglect or not.  Then they looked into the matter and closed the ones seen as unsubstantiated.  Only once was I called in, that was when ex managed to get son to say I had gotten enraged and beat him on his shins.  (Hospital ER nurse said he was an active boy there and that his shin bruises were normal for an active boy his age.)  I went in and explained that ex was trying to make me look worse than her, claiming I was the one who raged rather than her, since she had just raged at pediatrician's staff and the pediatrician had informed her that he decided to "withdraw services".  CPS said they wanted to hear my side, by then they had interviewed son at school and they said they were closing the case.  I asked for a letter which I received about a month later.  Rather than a firm "unfounded" it stated a weaker "unsubstantiated".

[feelingcrazy7832]

The CPS agent called me back. by protocol she said she has to see my daughter one more times since it's been over 30 days and she flat out told me she can then deny any substance to the allegations. I almost started to cry on the phone. This nightmare is almost over. We tried to find a time of day that I could be home but I have to be at work so she asked if she could see her at daycare. She said it's going to take 5 minutes, make sure she has no bruises and is the same happy child she saw last time and then lastly said "and then I can be out of your life for good!" She basically told me she knows this is all BS. I told her I was fine with her going to daycare.

The thing is... . i still want to get a cease and desist order preventing this from happening again. I know my ex. I know he is running around running his mouth off to everyone in our community. This will make him think twice about doing this again. I've been told that I should become more aggressive with this entire thing. I'm not ok with him slandering me to everyone I know in a small community.

the most important thing is that this CPS nightmare is going to end. honestly, this has been the worse two months of my life.

[Deep Impact]

The CPS agent called me back. by protocol she said she has to see my daughter one more times since it's been over 30 days and she flat out told me she can then deny any substance to the allegations. I almost started to cry on the phone. This nightmare is almost over. We tried to find a time of day that I could be home but I have to be at work so she asked if she could see her at daycare. She said it's going to take 5 minutes, make sure she has no bruises and is the same happy child she saw last time and then lastly said "and then I can be out of your life for good!" She basically told me she knows this is all BS. I told her I was fine with her going to daycare.

The thing is... . i still want to get a cease and desist order preventing this from happening again. I know my ex. I know he is running around running his mouth off to everyone in our community. This will make him think twice about doing this again. I've been told that I should become more aggressive with this entire thing. I'm not ok with him slandering me to everyone I know in a small community.

the most important thing is that this CPS nightmare is going to end. honestly, this has been the worse two months of my life.

I agree, be aggressive in combating such allegations - through the right channels.

I am also from a small town and have had to deal with similar issues, they make up stories to break down your support structures and try and turn everyone against you. Find ways to have very little to do with him, ignore him and tell those you love not to speak to him.

It's certainly hard to juggle, but if played right, you can get results through your actions, build your structures and then break him down at a later date - then document his rages and make him comply to your rules. Best of luck.

[broken3]

feeling,

CPS has been called on me twice. Both ridiculous and unfounded. Just keep doing the right thing and it will always help in the long run.

I rest my head on my pillow every night that I do the right thing. I sleep very well.

Can the PD person do the same?

Call it karma, god, divine intervention, my mother (rest her soul).etc.

I have been through it a dozen times.

And I have prevailed.

[ogopogodude]

CPS  is your friend. ( Unless you are lying and full of sh!t  and trying to hide shenanigans that you are quite guilty of... . )

My CPS experiences have been nothing but wonderful. As long as you have audios, videos, letters from quality persons (& I don't mean your mommy), then you are okay.

I actually looked forward to my three or four  meetings that I had with CPS. In Canada, ... .it is called "The Ministry of Children and Family Development".

But oddly, we tend to shorten it to "Social Services".

My advice is to meet with CPS as often as you can, ... . have them come to your house/apartment (or at least OFFER this as they like the notion that you have no problem checking you out). Just this alone lets them know you aren't hiding anything.  

But never, ... . NEVER be a jerk to CPS. Don't not answer or avoid their calls, ... . don't talk rudely to the agent... . but be on your best behaviour always.

A good rule of thumb is to pretend that you are meeting with your wonderful grandmother. Talk nicely, no swearing.etc

[feelingcrazy7832]

I have been nothing but welcoming and not defensive at all with the CPS person. I actually had a good talk with her on the phone, even about things that had nothing to do with the case. She was giving me pointers on how to prevent another frozen pipe from bursting in my house!

I have nothing to hide at all. I told her to feel free to see me in my home or go to my daughter's daycare provider. Either way, she will find nothing substantiated about these claims. However I am NOT ok with some vidictive personality disordered demon (who isn't even the father of my child) continuing to harass me by making false claims to CPS.

Hence... . why I was consulted to file a cease and desist order. The days of him trying to control me and make my life a living hell are over and I am standing up for myself and protecting my daughter. I have let him get away with alot of poor behavior over the years and now he finally gets to learn a lesson about painting people black and thinking twice about the smearing campaigns that are based on flat out lies.