Back into it with BPDgf - but she will soon be gone it seems

[nowwhatz]

Break up with infinite recycle BPDgf 2 weeks ago... . went to detaching board and kept a NC journal for a few days.

She contacted me after a couple of days of NC from new phone number and apologized for her  behavior.   That was sort of a milestone I suppose... . she was back on her meds for a week (they help her... . really) and was suddenly behaving as she was before she got off the meds.

This week could be my "last" week with her as her legal issues come to a head in a few days and there is a very strong chance she will be deported, and never allowed into this country again... . or worse.

She is justafiably worried, nervous, and trying to make it through the day minute by minute.

She calls me for me to help calm her down and for me to tell her everything will be ok. All I can do is try to help her stay positive.

None of my friends, family, associates or acquantances know how I feel about her.

This forum is really the only place where I can express what I feel about this r/s and am guarded about it here too.

Something I hide from myself or don't want to think about is that the end is coming.

This crazy 3 year roller coaster ride is winding down.

If she gets deported she will be about 4 hours away.

This whole situation has left me worried and also numbed.  I am not a lawyer but I researched her situation trying to understand if there could be any legal techniques or loopholes that could keep her from facing the music... . but there appear to be none.

I cannot really talk with her about the details of her case because it is too upsetting to her. She knows what they are... . but doesn't want to think about it.

I am planning on going to the court hearing but probably won't tell her because I know she will not want me to go. Will see what happens.

Well... . that's all I can say right now.

[Surnia]

nowwhatz,

now you are back here - and back with your worries about her. What about you my friend?

None of my friends, family, associates or acquantances know how I feel about her.

This forum is really the only place where I can express what I feel about this r/s and am guarded about it here too.

For me it was a turning point when I started to admit my relationship problems. Not to everyone in all details, I started to share a bit. It was a small step and very meaningful.

[nowwhatz]

nowwhatz,

now you are back here - and back with your worries about her. What about you my friend?

None of my friends, family, associates or acquantances know how I feel about her.

This forum is really the only place where I can express what I feel about this r/s and am guarded about it here too.

For me it was a turning point when I started to admit my relationship problems. Not to everyone in all details, I started to share a bit. It was a small step and very meaningful.

Surnia what about me?

It would appear that I have a full life. I have sucessfully raised 3 children mostly as a single dad. Built up several businesses. I am a musician. I play 2 instruments and have band practice almost every week.  My youngest child still lives with me and I am in a business where thousands of people rely on me, hundreds trust me and many think I walk on water.

I can't complain can I?

But nobody knows the depths of the r/s I have been having with this woman over the last 3 years... . only my ex-therapist and readers of my posts here.  Nobody knows or nobody has said what they probably know... . that I am in love with this person.

I worry about me. Before beginning this recycle I listened to a lot of music and came to appreciate a lot of new music in 2013... . for better or worse I was absorbed in hobbies and interests that were about me. I worry about me because I spend way more time worrying about her and am now not listening to new music and doing things I simply enjoyed for myself.

Since being back in the r/s now for a now almost record tieing stretch of 5 consectutive months I labor along for this gf. We have moments of surreal planning for our future together, when I know there is little chance of any future... . and come the end of this week she will likely be detained for deportation or jail.

I take to heart what you said about sharing some of the relationship problems with my friends and people close to me.

I have a close friend who is more like a father or uncle to me... . older guy who I can't fool. About 1 month ago I shared some info about the gf's legal problems with him. He is a retired nypd lt. detective. He told me to "stay away from her."  Then he asked if I was in love with her. I lied and said no. 

Maybe it is time to tell him the truth.

[Surnia]

I worry about me. Before beginning this recycle I listened to a lot of music and came to appreciate a lot of new music in 2013... . for better or worse I was absorbed in hobbies and interests that were about me. I worry about me because I spend way more time worrying about her and am now not listening to new music and doing things I simply enjoyed for myself.

So do I.  You deserve a life doing things you like!

Maybe it is time to tell him the truth.

I was there too. Secretive about relationship from I knew people would think this is not the right person. In hindsight I felt ashamed about to be with someone who is stretching out my values, like too much drugs, shoplifting.

[maxsterling]

Nowwhatz -

I opened up pretty early on about problems in my relationship with a few friends, mostly because I was scared and didn't know what to do.  And I must say, they have been lifesavers.  I've gone to friends' houses pretty distraught after being punched by her, opened up to some other friends the night she decided to move out (and accused me of ruining her life).  I then opened up to my dad while she was in the hospital.  I needed to explain to him why I would not be attending a birthday party for my nephew.  And you know what he said?  "WOW! she sounds just like your mom!"  At this point, all my friends and family know, and I don't care.  They help me through this. 

[nowwhatz]

I worry about me. Before beginning this recycle I listened to a lot of music and came to appreciate a lot of new music in 2013... . for better or worse I was absorbed in hobbies and interests that were about me. I worry about me because I spend way more time worrying about her and am now not listening to new music and doing things I simply enjoyed for myself.

So do I.  You deserve a life doing things you like!

Maybe it is time to tell him the truth.

I was there too. Secretive about relationship from I knew people would think this is not the right person. In hindsight I felt ashamed about to be with someone who is stretching out my values, like too much drugs, shoplifting.

Thank you again Surnia!

At this point my friends and family don't really know how wrapped up I am in the relationship.

I don't even know myself how deep the relationship is sometimes. I have not been able to tell my friend because of my work schedule but will see about talking with him this week. I know he will just tell me to stay away from her for my own good.

The gf is a "debbiedowner" right now because of her situation and not really good company. I feel the need to stay in contact and go out and do things together but my mind is again telling me to step back a bit for a while - again.

Just a good morning text and then if I can stay away from her for the rest of the weekend. Try to live my life, finish some work, spend time with my kid, clean my house, band practice, watch the super bowl, relax, I have plenty to do... . if I choose to do so.