Did anybody else see it?

[Pearl55]

It might not be related to this thread but probably you know that borderlines intellectualise the facts. They know definitions of husband, wife, children, mum, dad,family,... , from their intelligence but they are not able to have a feeling of a wife, husband,... . Because they are only EMOTIONALY 3 year old!

[Turkish]

It might not be related to this thread but probably you know that borderlines intellectualise the facts. They know definitions of husband, wife, children, mum, dad,family,... , from their intelligence but they are not able to have a feeling of a wife, husband,... . Because they are only EMOTIONALY 3 year old!

I came to realize mine defines herself by her roles and attachments. Then it as confirmed when I read it in her journal, "daughter, sister, lover, mother... . "

[buddy1226]

As I've stated here many times, I would be hard pressed to find more red flags than I overlooked. I didn't care. I was coming our of a drama filled, 4 year relationship with an older woman. I was 36 and she 50 when we started dating. I was happy to have someone age appropriate.

Something that just occurred to me. Mine had no friends. Zero. Except for her child's father whom she triangulated our relationship with at will.  Is not having friends a BPD trait?

[Murbay]

Buddy1226, I would say that not having friends is not specific to pwBPD as many do have friends. It depends what you mean by no friends. Do you mean visible friends or nobody at all?

What is perhaps more important is the interpersonal relationship with their friends. If they don't have friends because they pushed them away or because they are painted black then that's a very different story.

Just as no friends might raise a couple of alarms, the opposite can be true too. Too may friends can be viewed as an endless source of validation and a comfort zone for potential abandonment.

[buddy1226]

Yeah, mine had no friends and she has lived in the same town her whole life. I suspect she pushed them all away and painted them black from the way she spoke.

I also suspect that other females saw through her antics. No one is ever in her life for very long.

I feel stupid for asking this because I'm farther along than this but... are they happy?... Mine would say and act as if she was when the most tragic of drama would be going down in her life. I also think I would feel better knowing they are in constant pain If I have to be completely honest.

[Turkish]

Buddy1226, I would say that not having friends is not specific to pwBPD as many do have friends. It depends what you mean by no friends. Do you mean visible friends or nobody at all?

What is perhaps more important is the interpersonal relationship with their friends. If they don't have friends because they pushed them away or because they are painted black then that's a very different story.

Just as no friends might raise a couple of alarms, the opposite can be true too. Too may friends can be viewed as an endless source of validation and a comfort zone for potential abandonment.

Mine has some good friends... .   but they are all far away.  her one friend from high school is around,  but they don't see each other much.  they recently reconnected as my X  needed support and validation to leave me.I have nothing against the friend,  she didn't know. a  few years ago,  the friend even thanked me for " giving her her friend back" ( my X),  as they had fallen out when my Ex's  dysregulation hit a  peak.  leaving aside her current paramour, I  am the best  friend my X  has ever had.  and still am.  leaving aside the obvious  fact that my X " needs"  me to take up her parental slack ( no easy she could handle being a  full time mom), I  think she realizes that I  am her friend in some level.  After the custody order is signed,  my barriers slam down hard,  and when the current idiot leaves her,  she'll once again be alone.  VERY  alone... .   until the next victim.

[CoasterRider]

A coworker/friend of mine saw it, to be honest I saw it also... . I ignored it, he couldnt tell me anything. I would complain to him when my ex would slip into a devaluing phase and let distrust run all over us. My friend said I was putting up with way more than my fair share to make the r/s work. I thought thats what you had to do to make any r/s work. Little did I know at the time I was the only one trying to actually make it work.

[starshine]

My uBPDexbf had most of my people fooled.  It concerned my dad that he didn't have contact with his own teen/young adult children, but since my uaspd/npdexh has been parentally alienating me for years with my 2 kids, I thought it was the same.  That's how the exbf made it out to be.  But my bestfriends husband always said that there was something off about him.  That he sensed a deep anger in my ex.  That even though they had know each other for years, my friend never felt like he could connect with him. 

After he broke up with me, left me spiritually bleeding in a ditch out in the desert, other folks came forward.  Those from the bar. (I hadn't drank for 6 years when he dumped me, so I never really ran into any of those folks anymore- and I didn't start again either.  I just bumped into a few randomly.)  They told me he was always thought of as an ass, and being with me gave him "street cred".  Because I am known as being a nice woman.  I'm a HELPER FIXER.  Set up from the start.