Thank you everyone for the responses and support. I could surely use them.
to break nc or not... . that is the question... .
so... . it all depends... . where are you on your path to recovery?
On my path of recovery, I think I am stuck at the point of knowing, deep down, that I will never return to the BPD r/s. So the only "bad place" that remains now is in my head.
After ending the 10 year r/s, I will use the analogy that there is this HUGE haunted mansion in my mind, and as fearful as I am about what is inside the haunted house, I still find myself returning to it... . Largely to DEMOLISH the cursed architecture that is taking up way too much space in my consciousness.
But like I said, the structure is very substantial in size, so tearing it down brick by brick, takes a lot of mental energy. And I have been feeling exhausted enough as it is... . having lived in that scary place for so many years.
Sos
I get where your coming from... .
Ex contacted me, After many attempts I responded,
Hes still a jerk.
Now all I have to do is stop punishing myself for responding.
Yes, that was the whole point of my original post. There is me, the CoD daily ruminating, even fantasizing of things being better, being different.
Of course, I would never act out on these thoughts. But enough rescuing of self sabotaging persons for me. I need to "rescue" (heal) myself now.
I was just taken aback after the breaking of NC to learn that I am still, to my exBPDgf, a sort of tool to get things done for her. I felt no different from being, say, a hammer, a saw, or a measuring tape in her shed. Use me when needed. Put me back in the tool chest when I am not required.And that reminded me of the 10 false beliefs that are posted here in the resource/ help section of the board. Never assume that the pwBPD is feeling/ thinking the same way as us after a breakup.
to add my perspective, for me minimum controlled contact is what is working. WHen i was trying to keep a un-breakable NC i was dying inside. When i established a very minimum non emotional contact, in a polite manner, a heavy weight instantly lifted from my shoulders. This is allowing me to accept the loss. I am still working at it, but i dont feel soo limited or trapped as i felt when i had my non-negotiable NC
That applies to my case. It is obvious that I am not 100% prepared to carry out a strict NC. So as Seeking Balance has posted earlier, LC (limited contact) is always constructive in gauging the extent of our recovery.
