She isn't where I am/ And I'm not where she is

[Boisnix79]

 

I suppose before I begin I want to take a moment and really sincerely thank everyone that reads this, for well... . reading this. It means a lot to me... .

My gf/ex gf/ who the heck knows gf... . has 5 of the 9 traits of BPD... . Before finding the nice people here and reading these amazing posts, I told her I think you have BPD, and I even had her watch videos... . etc. It didnt go over very welll... . I suppose the part of this that is so hard is that I know that she knows... . that I know... . and I know she knows... . she is sick... . SO my logical brain just cannot wrap around her denial of that fact... . Why is it that I am actually the problem, I'm not accepting reality it seems... .

Well I suppose it comes down to our priorities and our boundaries dont you think?

I mean if I've made our relationship top priority and I've never been lucky enough to realize that boundaries are healthy... . then here we are today... . one year later... . exhausted, financially drained, and holding on to my last hope, that I can talk her into going to therapy for couples, and before the session I can call and tell the therapist what I think is going on, and the completely egodystonic behavior she is exhibiting... .

My give a crap o meter is running out, I've become amused by her antics, and annoyed by her incessant yammering about all I've done/did/ and will do wrong... . in basically every area of life... .

HOW can someone so very very intelligent, such as her, be so completely out of touch?

Have I just not really grasped the reality of the disorder, I mean isnt the word DIS order pretty much a tell-all name?

Anyone else with me here or am I on my little island alone?

Thanks so much... . I love you all... . I was taught to "fill peoples cups" to have good relationships... . but hers has a hole... . must be styrafoam... . ehhhhhh  bummer


To   or to 

[LifeIsBeautiful]

You are not alone. If I may share my experience, it's all about them or most of the time, and the reason is to make you feel bad, and that somewhat evens the balance for them. I have been listening and sometimes accepting the accusations and blame, hoping that she will get over it. But that only makes them do it more. Sometimes I listen objectively, if what she says is not true why is it affecting me? Typical question of her, and it rings true. How we feel about what she says, is a reaction and how we choose to react or not. It takes a really balanced person to receive all that stuff and still stay focused and mindful (I am still trying to learn this). If you choose to be committed and compassionate, you have to be prepared to work on that, if needed. The positive is that it's a lifetime skill that stays with you and will be useful in other situations, in work or other relationships. This was something that I could never have learned from others, but ironically I am from my uBPDw. Making a choice about your thoughts and how you react, controlling your emotions, is within everyone's control most of the time, but we have not been exercising that control enough. This is something that they have great difficulty in doing, but what we have to do. This I felt is the whole issue and the simplicity of it, is surreal and sometime mind bogging. I'm still coming to terms with it, but it does apply to life. A raging motorist, a delayed flight, an unreasonable colleague; these are reasons to "rage" at internally or externally, but the choice is ours how we think and react. Making lemonade out of lemon. Most of the time it sounds cliched, but the reason people have been talking about it is because it's true. But somehow, we have ignored it and things get from bad to worse. Sorry I have ranted to much, but hope that people can share what they think about this.