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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
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cognitive dissonance
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Topic: cognitive dissonance (Read 484 times)
introuvable
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 11
cognitive dissonance
«
on:
January 30, 2014, 12:04:43 PM »
after a two-month long flareup of bad behaviors that culminated in verbal attacks on two people close to me, i have started disengaging from my possibly borderline boyfriend.
the more i disengage, the more he paints me black, insults me, and blames me for our troubles. but also: the more i disengage, the more he clings to me.
i understand that fear of abandonment is at the core of the disorder, but how do they reconcile their longing for the person who is leaving them with their hatred for them? how can hatred and need of the same person possibly coexist?
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Learning_curve74
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1333
Re: cognitive dissonance
«
Reply #1 on:
January 30, 2014, 11:22:26 PM »
They need you like an infant needs it's mother. But they also feel certain that you'll abandon them and hate you for it. Thus the classic borderline characterization of "I hate you, don't leave me"... .
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SimplySeattle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 41
Re: cognitive dissonance
«
Reply #2 on:
January 31, 2014, 03:45:28 AM »
Mine did not cling to me at all. After she crossed the line, and I left, she just went on with her life as if I did not exist. Perhaps she was triangulating me with someone else... .
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AllisG
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 55
Re: cognitive dissonance
«
Reply #3 on:
February 01, 2014, 12:52:10 PM »
Mine does the same.
He will say he's not going to talk to me anymore, that I can contact him if I want to talk. Then a minute later he'll send me a text asking when do I think he'll hear from me.
I don't understand how much he needs someone who seemingly never does anything to his satisfaction, and who is so unloving and uncaring.
I can totally see the mother and child connection. His mother was made to leave him for over a year when he was only a month old.
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