One Long Drama.

[annoyed1976]

Hi,

Please read my initial story for the background on our relationship.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210881.msg12323230#msg12323230

Wife has just started psychotherapy by skype with a psychiatrist.  She is also seeing a facilitator that finds her programs/exercise/classes to help her in life.  She has also just started Avanza/Effexor anti depressants.  Her second skype appointment will be this week, and i sent the psychiatrist basically a copy of my initial post here.

Any thoughts most welcome.

[Surnia]

Hi annoyed1976

I just read your long entry post. What a difficult marriage you are in!

I think its great your wife started psychotherapy. I really hope she will stick with it. Its a long way to go.

I hope you don't mind me saying this: What about you and a counselor again? You told us she gets sometimes physical toward you. Could you speak with someone about it?

Are you a bit familiar with boundaries?

Boundaries Tools of Respect.

How are your children coping with the situation?

Please keep posting here, annoyed!

[annoyed1976]

Thanks, I have seen a psychologist for quite a while after the cousin incident with her, until she just said i dont want to go anymore.  I have also seen a psychologist, a new one, a few times.  I just go back when the need arises.

The children are coping as well as can be expected.  The oldest one, a girl 13, is seeing a psychologist, actually tomorrow.  She had a cutting incident at school, and has been quite a few times to see this lady.  It seems to be helping her alot.

The kids have had to endure quite a lot.  Seeing their mother behave the way she does, and even witnessing her hitting me etc.

I am still unsure exactly why i am still here, and i think mainly for the kids, but possibly i am codependent.  Its going to be a long process to try to sort this out.  I am reading.  Quite a few books on BPD, including stop walking on eggshells etc.  They have been quite helpful.

Thanks for answering.

[Tyrwhitt]

Hi, I feel the need to issue a warning. If your wife is starting to take Effexor, watch carefully. My h was on this drug, high dose, too long and my cousin was too. This drug is a favourite of psychiatrists and I remember thinking it would help bring the mood swings and depression under control. I had faith. Coming out the other side, I know it is highly addictive, but it also makes many people very aggressive. I recognize d this quickly, but had blind faith in the medics. My h crashed off the drug, literally, behaviours escalated and he's a much angrier person than he was before. It stays in the blood for years. My cousin was on a low dose and he is a very mild man, he said he literally wanted to hit people whilst on it.

If you see early changes, please don't ignore them.  I wouldn't normally comment about meds but it's changed things for the worst not better.

[annoyed1976]

Hi, I feel the need to issue a warning. If your wife is starting to take Effexor, watch carefully. My h was on this drug, high dose, too long and my cousin was too. This drug is a favourite of psychiatrists and I remember thinking it would help bring the mood swings and depression under control. I had faith. Coming out the other side, I know it is highly addictive, but it also makes many people very aggressive. I recognize d this quickly, but had blind faith in the medics. My h crashed off the drug, literally, behaviours escalated and he's a much angrier person than he was before. It stays in the blood for years. My cousin was on a low dose and he is a very mild man, he said he literally wanted to hit people whilst on it.

If you see early changes, please don't ignore them.  I wouldn't normally comment about meds but it's changed things for the worst not better.

Thankyou for this advice.  I will certainly be keeping an eye on her behaviour and mood for changes.  At the moment she says she just feels numb.  Not happy and not sad.  She doesnt like feeling this way.

Thanks

[unicorn2014]

As was pointed out to me, I'm a new member, and yes I did read your first post, that being the case, how did you get to this point in time?

[annoyed1976]

As was pointed out to me, I'm a new member, and yes I did read your first post, that being the case, how did you get to this point in time?

How did I get to this point in time, could you be a bit more specific.

[annoyed1976]

Wife has had her 3rd skype appointment with her new psychiatrist.  They havent really got into any of her history etc, but are still experimenting with medication.  With all her side effects of effexor, she is going to go off this slowly, even though she has only been on it for a couple of weeks.  The doctor is sending her a new prescription for half dose today.  Her libido is totally gone, and she has no feeling sad or happy about anything.

[annoyed1976]

This psychiatrist tells my wife yesterday that he doesnt think she is BPD, and she is just suffering from depression.  I can tell you that i am pissed.  I mean if she is just depressed how can she do what she has done. I was sort of the opinion that the BPD was causing this, and this is why she has done all these crazy things.

Now if this is just depression, i dont know if i can stay with her.

[an0ught]

Hi annoyed1976,

your wife may well be depressed. She may well have some other issues too but then do they meet the criteria levels for BPD. Certainly she has little respect for boundaries as demonstrated by her behavior. She may use affairs to make herself feel better. All pointing into the direction of a set of issues that make it hard to maintain stability in a relationship. But then a professional needs to judge whether it meets a threshold and from what you wrote it does not seem the case. At least not yet - the T may not know her well enough considering the communication was via Skype.

The good news is that she got a T. Maybe she forms a stable relationship with him and gets help in other ares than depression. Also keep in mind that people with depression share a set of issues with pwBPD (e.g. some aspects of their distorted thinking). A diagnose of BPD is by no means a quick fix and does require long treatment and significant changes on both sides. Have you taken a look at the LESSONS?